Three female former remote colleagues invited my husband on a trip (no spouses). Husband agrees it's not appropriate but I think he’d consider going if said I was fine with it. All are in their 30s with spouses and same aged young kids. Am I selfishly depriving him of a trip with friends? What is “normal?” My perception of normal/acceptable in these types of situations is skewed after a rough prior relationship many years ago.

Continued, details in a comment below.

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I’m not crazy. You’re not crazy. This is odd.

At least one of them there wants to sleep with your husband. Unless he is feminine and fun to be around, I can’t imagine wanting 1 guy and 3 girls. I would at least try to invite another guy so he is not left out.

One of them has some untoward ideas.

likesmarthelpful

Agreed with BC, I’m a guy and have a few close girl friends, but they are extremely respectful of including my wife or even optics of things that would make her consider feeling insecure … weird position they put your husband in with the invite, good call by him.

likeuplifting

My gut is churning just reading this. Let it speak for you and validate this isn’t normal.

Also I go on a bit of girls trips and my husband occasionally has a guys trip, so we respect and support each other’s time and space to enjoy with friends. Looking at this situation though, this is sus af

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I think it's weird and I wouldn't be okay with it 🤷‍♀️

likesmart

Yup, would not be ok with my husband doing this. Super inappropriate esp. considering that it’s a romantic destination and overnight.

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This feels weird, trust your instincts.

likesmart

I’ve seen this situation in a “short film” before. Takeaway: DO NOT LET HIM GO.

funnylikehelpful

What name SM1? For research purposes

funny

Why would he even want to go? This is so weird

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I don’t think you’re extreme. It’s just plain weird. IMO it doesn’t really matter how much you trust each other it’s a weird thing for a spouse to do to another.

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So on the one hand, I get your discomfort, on the other the idea that these 3 women all want to cheat on their spouses to bang your husband in a cabin sounds like the plot of an X rated movie, or maybe he’s just that charming?

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I am not concerned with them cheating in some twisted group love quest. It’s just a weird uncomfortable setup and you never know if ONE has plans to stray. I know one hates her spouse .🤷‍♀️

I should add: I am a divorce lawyer and I am fairly certain it has jaded me. I realize no matter how much you love and trust a person you never REALLY know for sure what could happen in certain situations. My perception is definitely skewed now.

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If he would be uncomfortable with you doing it, he shouldn’t even consider going. I also don’t like how he’s blaming you for not being able to go. That being said, if you trust him, I don’t see a problem. Overall though, I agree that it seems off.

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Sounds like it’s all sorted out, but your husband has an opportunity to make this a learning experience.

IMO the correct way to answer the request from the co-worker is just a simple “No”. He doesn’t need to give an explanation.

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I am not even comfortable reading about it. I think the negatives outweigh positives. I would not let my husband go and he would not let me go with three men...

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If they all worked together and were a project team/small business unit, that’s one thing.

That they’re all ex-coworkers is a bit odd to me. That previously spouses were involved and now they’re not is also odd.

Like you’ve said, it’s implausible they’re all trying to bang your husband. I find it hard to believe they’re plotting to help one of them do it.

It is an odd scenario and I don’t believe many people would be okay with this. You aren’t being selfish, he knew it was implausible from the start, and I’m sure they did too.

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Yea this is weird, I wouldn’t go.

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To clarify: He is not going for all of the reasons you all presented; all of which he agrees with. We spoke more about it. He didn’t push the issue at all.

These comments did relieve my own guilt so I I no longer feel like I’m stealing his joy by not encouraging the trip.

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As a woman, who has kept in touch with many of my former colleagues and is at a point in life to splurge on travel, this doesn’t make sense to me. I have men friends too.
What logic makes sense for it to be no spouses, technically only women + this guy who happens to be someone else ‘s husband?There’s nothing that would justify it. It is not about trust. I think these ladies need to gtfu. Don’t let him go. If you want to go on the spouses portion together, great. Otherwise do not trust these ladies.

likefunny

Trust him. It will bring peace to you.

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The bigger issue is whether you trust your husband or not. Nothing else is really relevant

likesmartfunny

There is no issue between he and I. I just have my own guilt that I am depriving him of a trip.

But now that I am explaining that guilt part, I am realizing this guilt is 100% rooted in my own pre-programmed brain. My ex fiancé would tell me by me saying it’s disrespectful to do XYZ I am depriving him of fun experiences. He ended up cheating while he got to do XYZ and we split right before the wedding. It all just clicked.

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I guess I’m in the minority, but if you trust your husband, I say let him decide if he wants to go to see old friends he doesn’t get to see anymore at work.

I also totally disagree with some who responded to say that it’s odd to do trips without your spouse - my friends and I go to the beach for a weekend once a year, and my husband goes on a trip with his childhood friends so they can see each other now that they live scattered across the country. I don’t do anything untoward while away and don’t believe he does, either, and it isn’t like we need to be together 24/7 on weekends.

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You know me, *always* twisting the blame. Lol That’s what I’m known for.

My point is that it doesn’t really matter if the situation is weird if OP trusts her husband. I would trust my husband to make good choices in a weird situation, so that wouldn’t be my determining factor. Sounds like she and her husband already landed on him not going and are both fine with that, though, so it’s over.

Best to keep the lines clean and avoid situations like that.

If it’d be weird for you to do it, then stand firm that it’s weird for him to do it too.

He can maintain those friendships without going on vacation together.

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All of this. Well said.

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Short answer: Nope!
Happy wife, happy life!

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No you’re not being selfish. This is weird. And while I don’t think its likely that cheating would occur, it’s simply not appropriate for a married man to even go in my opinion

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I think it’s very likely that someone would try. Hence the switch up… I’ve been propositioned by married men AND WOMEN too many times.

This is so weird

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Contrarian:

What’s the worst-case scenario?

Hubby slips & falls phallus-first into some WAP.

Does it change how much you love each other? Does it matter in the scheme of the universe?

We suffer more in imagination than in reality. Even the worst case scenario you’re describing here is like eh… standard French Tuesday.

funny

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