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Does this just sound wrong to anyone else?
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Without more info — it sounds like you’re unhappy about this so you should talk to your spouse and decide on what’s best.
For what it’s worth, we take all our family vacations with my parents and pay for the whole trip for everyone. They live about 6 hours away but stay with us once a month and spend time with the kids, but aren’t responsible for childcare duties. They’ve never asked for a room upgrade but we always try to do right by them
Earlier in my career yes, and to some extent even pre kids. We just take less expensive trips instead of asking our parents to pay, or not bother asking them to go with us. But this is outside of the upgrade ask - that does come off as entitled but maybe they are looking at it as a vacation for themselves so why not, if it’s affordable (or ask spouse to communicate it’s out of budget). I’d feel obligated to upgrade my parents’ room too though if I’m upgrading theirs…
Visual Storyteller
Did you ask for 2500 a person or did you offer to pay 1500 and they pay 1000?
When they asked for upgrade did you tell them that they have to pay for it and did they know how much?
Whose idea was it to take everyone on the trip?
Can they afford it?
Since they are paying atleast a part - you are not "taking them"
Whose idea was this? Would they have even gone if you and your spouse had not suggested this?
How much have you paid them for babysitting and all other stuff they do?
Why are you doing a trip on a credit card which you seem to be struggling to pay/afford?
So many unanswered questions to comment.
Chief
Oh I gotcha OP, I misread it as $1000 for both of them (not per person) and another $1000 for the upgrade that you were already expecting them to pay. Def discuss with your spouse and figure out together how to address it.
Seems like they should cover the upgrade since otherwise it’s not fair to your parents, but maybe splitting the upgrade cost would be an okay compromise to keep the good will/peace.
This is one of the things that require great communication with your spouse. It you two against the world my friend. The dollars are really secondary.
This is very good advice, thank you.
Enthusiast
Pay the additional $1000 and drop it. If you’re that close on being able to afford this vacation then you know better than that and need to manage your money better, and you’ve got time to sort it out.
If it was a less tacky situation overall then I’d say discuss it but with parents and how much they help you, plus the fact that they’ll be doing some babysitting during the vacation most likely — chalk it up to the cheapest, highest quality nanny you could ever find on this earth.
So much this.
OP, it's crazy you even asked them to contribute. Not because you should be expected to be a baller, but so many red flags here:
Do both sets of grandparents like each other and want to spend time together on a trip?
Did people agree or agree willingly to pay their portion?
Do you know what a screaming deal you're getting having on-call childcare assistance?
If you really can't afford it, push back, saying, "That's unfortunately not in our budget"
As a father of 3 all less than 5 year old and living by ourselves abroad with no family around to support, I say you are very lucky and those parents/ Nannie’s deserve any upgrade they want
It is great OP you are doing this for parents and in-laws, but remember to set boundaries because parents feel “I have done so much for my child from the day he or she was born why can’t they now repay me” which in turn leads to them taking and taking and taking as SM1 mentioned here
Tf they gonna do with an oceanfront room when they’re barely gonna even be In that room 😂
Chief
It honestly sounds like they are trying to take advantage of you guys having offered to foot some of the bill, and they’re trying to make it some fancy getaway. Which wasn’t the point of the trip. I would talk to your husband first. Get his thoughts. But I would not be okay paying the at much extra when A) it was not part of the original agreement/budget and B) you guys and your parents are not upgrading. If it is “so worth the money” then they should want to pay for the upgrade.
Rising Star
I would respond “the upgrade will be an extra $1,000 bringing your total to $3,000. Please let me know if that works for you and I can upgrade the room.”
Rising Star
Exactly.
I would just let them know the ocean front is an additional $1k if they want it otherwise you will change the room back. Your wife should handle it since they are her parents. Should not be a big deal. Unless you are getting and ocean front 😁 then I would say nothing and offer it your parents as well.
Agreed. I think it was ridiculously entitled of your MIL to ask for this upgrade, especially before paying for their portion of the trip.
Have your husband talk to them and ask for the money. It's his parents.
You are already paying $1,500 for them. They can pay the rest.
I understand your in laws are taking care of your child but they haven’t even paid the initial deposit on which you’re covering $1,500 and they’re asking for an upgrade?
I say don’t do it!
If they decide to stop watching your child, it would mean they’re petty and it will impact them too.
If you give in to this, I guarantee you that they’ll start pushing on other things.
This is what I was thinking a little - is this a give an inch take a mile situation?
I can’t imagine them ever saying our daughter couldn’t come over for a couple hours ( isn’t this a normal healthy grandparent thing if you leave near each other? I remember similar ‘time with my grandparents’ without my mom and dad on both sides growing up - the frequency is debatable bc of ‘a child’s memory’. )
Where are the “deets in comments”?
They are the first call for childcare bc of how close they are - a couple hours on a sat (1-2x month) to run errands to clean or take our toddler overnight ( always 1 night) if there is a convergence of work travel schedules (in frequent , 3x in 2022).
Rationale people please weigh in before I react too quickly.
We do not.
Additional color -
This first started as hanging out at their house with our child when she was about 1, but she wouldn’t interact with her grandparents so we all decided that now that she’s not an infant, they felt comfortable watching her without us there. It was agreed with all parties that the grandchild and grandparents bond better when we aren’t there so we’ve been making a concerted effort to give them one on one time with our daughter to foster this, and we also get a break bc if you’ve ever tried to run errands like Xmas shopping in and out of 3+ stores with a 1.5 year old in winter and in and out of car seats, you know how valuable some quick alone errands are
Rising Star
Pay the extra money.
A2, ED1, thanks for your input ( everyone really) - this was the whole point -
I don’t want to split hairs of the cost of childcare and the hours etc - we wanted to make something happen for our family to make memories bc we probably won’t have the opportunity to do this for 3-5 years if we have another child soon and it freaks me out to carry 2 car seats, two of everything. No one has a crystal ball, my parents are older than their parents were when they died so who knows how many opportunities like this we have. It’s not about the $1000 it’s the entitlement or way in which it was asked. I’m not a director or pulling in director money so the $1000 matters but can make it work and move on.
I would probably let it go! Maybe it was some miscommunication. You can be careful and more upfront next time. Apparently they are babysitting your kids. Asking them will put them in a weird situation. Not worth the issues it’s could create with your partner too.
Communicate
First it’s the room upgrade. What happens during the trip if they want the special restaurant? Or better wine? Where does it stop?
Also, beyond the monetary aspect, which is important, what about for the other set of grandparents? It’s not fair that one set is getting all the upgrades if both sets are doing the work
Hi
I disagree with everyone saying to just pay it. 1. Remove or add all the factors/scenarios you want, It’s totally inappropriate behavior. 2. If you don’t address it, they will prob just keep pushing you for more. 3. If they are expecting some form of reimbursement for babysitting their granddaughter, they can let you know. Or they can just say no we can’t watch her. But shadily taking your money is not the answer. Most grandparents I know would do anything to be near and have time with their grandchildren.
If your in laws think the upgrade was worth the money, that’s great but they can pay the money. I would definitely have your husband handle this situation or handle it jointly, be 100% on the same page with your approach. But this shouldn’t fall on your shoulders they are his parents.
I can see both sides of the the arguments. Who contributes more financially between you and your husband? If he does I'd say just let it go for this time and be careful arranging stuff like this next time. Otherwise I would ask to split this upgrade, or upgrade your parents as well.