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As a former single father (by choice and now remarried), I'll say two things 1) it's harder than you can imagine, especially if truly alone (i.e., no local family), and 2) this is a deeply personal issue that nobody can help answer.
The deciding factors shouldn't relate to ability to do it alone - you can always find a way. The deciding factors should be about the relationship with the father and whether the child will be better off in a broken home.
In my experience with friends and family, most people that "go it alone" are simply too selfish for the give and take required by marriage, so they sacrifice the well being of their child to maintain complete independence. Abusive, self-destructive and generally unhealthy or unstable spouses are really the only ones that are better off leaving behind
^real talk
D1 - Great answer. A common theme in FB is an absence of context with deeply personal questions. What is your support network like? What are your sources of income? How important is it for you to have a lot of time with your kids?
OP, I can understand a broken home situation, but your friends situation is selfish. She wants to have children yet is choosing a path that denies them a father. This isn't fair to her future child.
So surprised by people's comments here. Had no idea single moms were viewed this way.
That's a strawman argument and I'm not debating, just expressing an opinion. There are 4 billion men in the world. Learn how to love and share your life with one, then raise a child in that loving relationship. Otherwise, asexual procreation seems empty and narcissistic.
EY3, of course a child can be healthy and happy with one parent.
But I absolutely don't agree with the lack of family values and mindset - to intentionally have a child with the intention of raising that child alone. If this is what the world is coming to now, I'd rather not have children at all
Yeah you guys are just too 'hip' these days. Can't imagine why a child would want a father and a mother both? What a incredibly dumb idea.
To clarify: I'm looking for consultant single moms to talk about their experience, not inviting comment on the social decay of American family values. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, but I'm asking for factual input from real live single mom consultants.
Second EY1; D1 real talk ty
Not a broken home situation - she's looking at adoption and sperm donation. She's financially stable, with a good family support network for emergencies and good male role models in family. She's great, she's just never found a guy worth marrying.
DD1, just thinking of my friends, at least 30% of them have absent or bad fathers. I'm not sure a father is a prerequisite for success. Marriage isn't a guarantee of an involved father either.
D1, thanks for that perspective. Any moms on FB with single experience?
I'm in LA - half the parents at my kid's elementary school seem to be single, whether by choice or not. Not easy to do, but seen as just another lifestyle choice here Lalaland...
If a person hasn't been able to successfully connect with a single "worthy" human being in their entire life, then they should probably not create one
D1, she's got plenty of awesome longstanding relationships, just not a romantic one. Her family is tighter-knit than most, she's got a bunch of married or single friends, they just don't sleep together. Do you really think that all single people are somehow broken? Or that married people are better than singles, just because they're married?
D1, I guess I'm more open to non-nuclear, non-idealized patriarchal family models. My friend's approach reflects the reality of a lot of our peers who started with marriage but ended up in very different types of families. That's why I'm curious about single mom consultants: however they started their family, how does it work as a single mom in this business?
Agree with D1, so basically she's going to teach her kids how to not develop relationships.
First sentence is gibberish, sorry. (Sentiment that raising a child at home alone simply by choice is selfish)
Wow. A child can't be happy and healthy with one parent? Of course it's possible and happens all the time and has forever.
Please tell me how's it fair of her to go it alone and let her child grow up without a father figure in life?