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Anyone here 40s never married, no kids?
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Staying in the marriage actually wouldn’t be best if the environment between parents cause regrettable harm to the children. I’ve been through 2 divorces, but now married to my best friend. The best thing that you can do is to wish your ex well. Pray that they find someone who can be great for your children. Many times, ex’s want to see the other ex struggle or make it as if they need to know how good they had it when the 2 of you were together. No! You should want the best for your ex, especially when there are children involved. You should focus on your children. Now that you and your ex aren’t together, you can start thinking about and planning what you are going to do with them when it’s your time to have them. Always have something they can look forward to. Something they will remember. Lastly, counseling is good if you need someone to talk to. There are also a number of social media groups as well. The best thing I found by joining social media groups was that there are so many people that are going through the same issues that you’ve had. I found it good to read posts, and listen. Good luck to you!
Rising Star
It's just a question and not a statement. Not sure why you have to assume things.
I've been in your shoes, you have my sympathies. Even when it's the only choice, it's not fun. My youngest was fortunately too little to comprehend what was going on, but my oldest took it predictably hard. I would highly recommend finding a therapist for your children to help navigate this situation. It helped my daughter a lot. Look for "play therapy" or something like that. The sessions were all oriented around games, crafts, etc., which made it something my daughter looked forward to, instead of dreaded.
Rising Star
Coming from a divorce lawyer:
1. Shield the kids from conflict as much as possible. Don’t argue in front of them. Don’t confide in them.
2. If possible, break the news of the divorce to them together. Have the family sit down and have a calm discussion, no blaming or finger-pointing.
3. Try to be reasonable and settle the case as quickly and painlessly as possible. Kids are really effected by the litigation itself, and the longer you stay in it the more it will effect them. They will adapt to the new situation but the less time they’re in “limbo,” the better.
All in all, it’s good you are making it amicable. Try to keep it that way. And if you’re looking at hiring a lawyer don’t hire one who encourages you to be more litigious than you need to be. That lawyer just wants to make money off of you and you’ll probably spend more money in attorney’s fees. Find a lawyer who will respect and carry out your wishes.
Maybe try to focus on age appropriate ways to talk to them about it. My child was much older when I went through it so they didn’t need much guidance through it, but can understand if there will be a lot of back and forth that can be tough. Keep the conversation open even when they don’t want to talk.
Three friends who divorced, worked with them and they had young kids, did this: (recommended by each of their therapist). Kids stay in the marital home while parents are separated. It’s the parents that leave the house when it’s not their time with the kids. Kid time is a week on, week off. It was a huge help per all three friends bc it was far less disruptive to their kids and puts the owniss on the parents where it belongs. Good luck!
Worked very well for all three and nope- no trust for 2 of them. I think fighting happens regardless- right? I know it was prominent during my divorce and we didn’t even have kids, but we had a home together.
Staying married would not actually necessarily be best for them. Giving them a stable, loving home where there is no fighting and they have adult role models would be best. Be open, maybe take them to a child therapist to work through issues with someone outside your family.
Therapy