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The star of family photos of course was Daysy 😄
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Chief
Rising Star
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Taylor swift new album
The court of public opinion needs a mediator 😩
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Chief
I’ll date him if you guys broke up. 😂
Chief
I know. Where is the author, we need an answer. 😂
Your worth is not related to his family’s wealth. Try to avoid comparing what his family has to yours and be thankful for the perks. I hope his family is kind.
Enthusiast
Yeah.....you don’t really understand the situation. A wealthy family like that are usually intrusive and will likely influence their boy (it’s quite easy to influence with the threat of no inheritance).
@OP, how much you should proceed depends on how much independence your bf has from his family.
If he’s quite independent, there’s hope that he will try his best to shield you from the hassles.
If he’s not quite independent, there’s huge odds that it ain’t gonna work out.
You need to work on yourself. His family wealth has nothing to do with you. Do they make you feel beneath them because they are wealthier? Or is this just your insecurities? You need to figure that part out.
OP - it’s awesome that you’re trying to understand how to react. Given my own culture and background, I’d feel uncomfortable as well.
Good news is it sounds like they don’t look down on you. And it sounds like they are kind people and raised a good kid.
Have you shared these thoughts with your boyfriend? And maybe even eventually share this with them? It might be a good thing that they know that you’re conscious about these things and can figure out how to make you feel more comfortable. It may put you at ease that they really don’t expect anything in return.
Start by realizing how lucky you are in this regard. I get that it presents some issues, but holy shit, I would love this “problem.”
Chief
P1 - don’t compete with me. I already claimed OP’s bf so the house has a lien.
Chief
I grew up poor. I had no connections to help me get a job. I went to a Midwest state school and ran a bar to pay for it. I never had a job with a dress code until my first audit job out of school. I didn’t know how to act and work, and had to be told. Don’t cuss in meetings, don’t drink so much at happy hour. I just kept figuring it out along the way. Other grads in my group were from wealthier backgrounds, had professional parents and a resume full of internships. I felt inadequate just like you do. I just kept fumbling along and learning as I went. I have now been a VP at three public companies. I no longer feel inadequate, in fact I feel the opposite. I feel accomplished that I made it with no head start, no help, & no handout. I wear “underdog” like a badge of honor.
You should feel the same. Did you have a hand out? You eat from a silver spoon? I am guessing not. It is gonna be hard, but when you achieve success, whatever that is for you, your story will be awesome.
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VP - Wow, I am so happy to hear your story! You’ve achieved so much success and you definitely deserve it.
I am in your boat where I had no help to getting a job since my parents didn’t have any connections. I had to find my own internships and a job. It’s tough when no one is there to help you land any big opportunities. I pray to be as successful and land big roles from hard work like yourself.
Good luck! :)
Some of my female friends have married into much wealthier families. Some are petty and tribal, some are warm and welcoming. It’s up to him to make you feel like you belong, and up to you to step into it.
B4 people are weird as heck. Love your boyfriend, be thankful and humble for his family’s generosity, but stop beating yourself up for having a normal family.
Geez, I’ve never seen a bigger group of self-loathing people in my life. I grew up hella poor and my old high-school friends are significantly happier than my college and consulting colleagues, as the latter spend considerable time and effort comparing themselves to others. It’s almost pathological.
Pro
Studies show wealthier people are happier than poor people on average though :-/
How is this a problem? I honestly don’t get it.
Rising Star
Offshoot question: does this ever happen the other way around or are women turned off by guys from middle class families?
This happens sometimes but only when the girl is not very attractive (like a 5 or below) and the guy a 7 or above or the guy is just really lazy and doesn’t want to work and sees an easy exit.
Rising Star
They bought y’all a house and you’re not engaged? Gurl that rock comin soon
Enthusiast
You should watch the movie: Crazy rich Asians
It’s funny... and weird because he is from Singapore also lol
Enthusiast
Been part of this before. Just say thank you and live your life yourself. Most of the time they are not judging you, but trying to make your life easier so you can pay it forward to future generations.
They bought a house for him. He sounds like a parent funded man baby. I wonder how he would fare having to save or work for something sith his own earned money.
Am a little dismayed by the classist statements in this thread. I have personally known people across multiple classes, from billionaires to those on welfare including a woman that was on welfare with 4 kids (needed the support after getting out of an abusive relationship) who now has those 4 kids in careers as follows: MD/PhD treating kids with cancer, a constitutional lawyer, a progressive pastor who does fitness classes in addition to bible study with youth, and a PhD educated teacher focused on developmental education. I think our taxpayer dollars were well spent there...
I know assholes across the spectrum, as well as saints who are making the world a better place. The common denominator in those who were contributing to the world (instead of being only self-focused) was more about upbringing, values, and worldview than about the money they had. The focus on education was also a big one. And “wealth” in life can be defined in so many different ways.
Guess this is my very long-winded way of saying that if your partner is a good person who you share values with and you support each other in good times and bad, then I’d be hopeful the money and opportunity it brings would be a positive in your relationship. Money can come and go with a snap, so hopefully we are all choosing partners based on additional factors.
Hahaha you just can’t believe you’re gunna be rich and feel guilty about it. This is part of coming up from the bottom. I experienced it myself. I grew up with two loving immigrant parents who didn’t have an education. My dad was 29 working 2 jobs- one at a manufacturing plant and one at dominos. In their culture the women must not work/stays at home w the kids. At 8 I would cut lawns without my fathers knowledge to bring in extra income- about $800 per month, i’d give it to my mom so my father wouldnt get angry (cultural thing).
Going to college I was set on making money. Prayed every night (Christian from middle east). I read 2 books a day regarding the stock market. I strategized for one day per week. I practiced my learned knowledge. Then, I setup an algorithmic trading bot for my strategy. I got an internship that made 20K in 6 months. I put that 20K in my algorithm. It paid off my tuition.
I was making about 3-8K per month on it. I sold it off to a hedge fund and collect a 2.5% royalty on it.
I retired my parents. I repainted their house (they have an emotional attachment to this house they dont wanna leave).
All this and I’m 23.
I felt so happy and guilty at the same time because of how I grew up. I realized this is something I have to accept in my life.
I think you’re at the same crossroads potentially. The best thing to do is to embrace it. Feel good about it. Turn that guilt into appreciation. You’re feeling guilt because youre a good person- you feel like youre taking more than youre giving. It’s okay, that happens. You can give in other ways. You can make him something special or give him things he likes if it makes you feel better but if you’re happy with him, you’re happy with him. You deserve the benefits if he chose you, but at the same time give to him in other ways too. Socially, emotionally, physically, etc.
Hope this helps!
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Wow!! This is truly amazing and inspiring!! Congratulations for all your achievements especially retiring your parents. That is truly every kid’s dreams. :)
Bought a house for him that you live in...?
OP it sounds like they are including you already. You should speak with someone to help you work through the internal issues you are having.
Yeah u need to find someone more on your level! Relationship where there’s significant gap in finances rarely ever works for the long term and this is based on a lot of scholastic articles.
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Hahaha P1
Pro
I hear you. I hope his family is nice and only means well. My culture would consider their behavior as unacceptable- if you are way more affluent then you don’t show off and buy a new house because you’re putting the other parents to shame. But I know we’re in the US...
I guess you’ll have to get used to it. Or get a bf whose family is either in your socio-economic class or more sensitive about the class difference. And yes, I’m using the word class although that concept allegedly doesn’t exist in US. I can only laugh about that statement. :)
Good luck!
Enthusiast
Why wouldn't the wealthy family buy a new house for their son and daughter in law just to not put embarrass the other family for not being able to buy it? Ever.
Would it be nicer of them to let the two pay rent for a small apartment just so that the the in-laws won't feel bad?
This really doesn't make any sense at all.
I think they are putting the well-being of the kids above any egos and that is absolutely fantastic.
Also, OP's parents might feel inferior for not being able to help them buy a house, but I'm sure they are happy that their daughter has found a man that loves her who has a family that accepts and supports her for who she is and not for the money she brings home.
Ps: I totally get what you mean about putting the other family to shame. That would be a shitty move, but it's not like they bought the house for their son and waited for her family to buy a house for her. Anyway, she clearly said that her in-laws are really nice to her and don't care about the differences in social status.
Weird flex
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I don’t think this was a flex. My parents can’t afford to buy a second car would be the opposite of bragging - just because my boyfriend’s parents are wealthy does not make me wealth so, in no way, this was a flex.
Money changes hands. Never forget that. Focus on yourself. I was born into a rich family and mt parents lost a lot of money. I carved my own path and I am so grateful for that. So just dont make the mistake of allowing his family wealth cast a shadow over your present and future accomplishments. Keep you feet in the ground.
Pro
I definitely relate to this.
Why are you letting possessions steal your joy of being with the one you love? Who cares what they have money doesn’t buy love. Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are or the sacrifices your family made to get you were you are today. You are worthy to sit at a king’s table because you are a queen. So act like it. 💅🏾
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💜💜💜