Been married for 4 years. We’ve been having issues and we were in therapy until last week. Husband filed for divorce and he’d been hyping me up about a suprise 4-year anniversary for a week straight leading up to the day he told me he’d filed. And he said that was the suprise. He blamed me for all the issues we’d been having and that it was all my fault. We have a2 year old together so I wanted to be nice about it for the sake of our baby. But I found out yesterday that he’s been having(1/)

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I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, this is disgusting. You deserve so much better. I went through something similar; my advice is to do exactly what you're doing: find your own lawyer and ignore his BS request to do things on his terms. He doesn't arbitrarily get to decide who gets what or what the custody split looks like, and you have no obligation to work around his desired timetable.

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Thank you!

Sounds like he likes games and is a real jerk. Get the best lawyer you can find, and make him regret his bad behavior.

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Yep, definitely on it!!

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Posts like this make me want a post-nuptual agreement

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I'm really sorry that happened to you like that. 1st of all, don’t reply to his attack. It’s a good thing that he doesn’t know that you aware about the mistress. Before your appointment with your lawyer. Review your possibilities. What do you want? He plans to keep the house, but do you want to keep it? Can you afford it? How much he would owe you on the house?
Check the divorce law of your state and co-parenting. List the child expenses: daycare, medical bills, health insurance, etc.
I know it’s hard but now you are in safety mode.

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Depending on the state you are in, your attorney should ask for a forensic accounting audit to see if he spent money on his mistress, and you should get half of that.

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(2/) an affair. He’s taken our child to go out with his mistress going to restaurants, picnics, etc behind my back. She says she’s so excited to become a mommy to my child and she’s pressuring him to kick me out of the house so they can be a family. This has all been a lot to deal with. He says he wants to be done with the divorce in 90 days so I should work with his lawyer instead of getting my own. We own a 3-unit rental and he wants to keep it. Wants 50/50 custody. My heart is shuttered. He talk bad about me with his mistress (calls me B word, she’s a pig). Last night he said I disgust him and I’m unattractive since I gained weight after having our baby. He said my belly bothers him and he doesn’t like looking at me. I told all that’s unnecessary since we’re done and he said I want you to know why I left. He doesn’t know I know about the affair. I’m looking for a lawyer and I’m just very confused and hurt. I don’t know if this is the kind of person he’s always been since we got together. Any advice is appreciated

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There is a big lump in my throat because I feel so sad for you. That was such a mean thing to do to someone to tell the you hae a surprise and then the surprise is that. Gosh I am just so sorry that this happened to you OP. By the sounds of it you deserve way better than that.

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