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Making new friends pool side
Received an offer as Engagement Director from Salesforce (CSG, pre sales, L9). Great benefits package, 40% increase in total comp and better WLB.
I do love the people in my practice and current client, but career trajectory has stalled after taking parental leave earlier this year and (yet another) change in leadership.
Realistically, making to Director is 2-3 years away and will require sacrificing time with my family that I am not prepared to give up.
Should I stay or should I go?
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Accenture India Lately there are so many hr openings with Accenture in almost all portals naukri, indeed, monster, linked in etc but there is not a single response infact I have the cc number wherein status is reflecting as hr will contact you ..but I have not received any revert, tried emailing the hr through a reference got an auto email stating out of office nd shared his contact number to connect, when tried calling hr,he was annoyed but I guess he forgot that he himself has shared the number. Accenture Ind
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It depends on the kid. There are jerks everywhere and there is ALWAYS someone richer than you. Some kids are going to feel insecure about that. Others won’t care. Your kid got in bc she’s smart, not bc daddy can pay or there’s a family connection. And she, presumably, has a happy family that is attentive to her and her needs. Lean into that, bc that’s not common. Lots of big money dads are absent. Lots of big money kids are raised by nannies.
My kid goes to a well known independent school. We are not on aid, but we are by no means the richest family. There’s a full range in the 1-2%. And the top of the 1% might as well be another universe even from the bottom of the 1%. My kid has been there since pre-k and, yes, there are family connections etc. but when we talk about the new kids coming in the later grades, especially HS, we ALL acknowledge that they are beyond smart and driven and there’s mad respect for that. There are some kids who, I’ve been told, feel badly seeing the snaps from their friends on private islands over break. But, again, there is always that. Always. And in our how we stress that you never know who has what or how they spend it so never assume anything. And that money and happiness are not linked.
The connections and alumni network will serve her well. And it’s not like you will be fish out of water. I’m sure you’ve stayed in nice hotels and taken nice trips and, as a fellow ad person, all those biz types think our job is sooooo interesting. Tell stories from shoots and they’ll be rapt.
That said, if your kid is going to feel less-than, keep an eye on that. Lean into the ways she’s better-than and same-as. She’ll find her smart-kid posse and it’ll be like any other school with rivalries and nonsense.
(Bigggg caveat: boys and privilege. Keep a tight rein on her and make sure she’s savvy. These are the Brett Kavanaughs of the world. Not all of them, obviously, but some of them. We moms talk lot about this and we try to tell our girls about it. They see the me-too news and feel empowered, but they need to be told specifically that they swim with sharks.)
I have a newborn and this whole thread is making me cry lol damn guys. Yall are rad. And make me want to stay / run from Manhattan.
(CD here)
Wow! This hits home. I’ll share my experience though it’s from a different country.
I grew up as the lower class kid in a rich kid private school abroad (had good grades and a scholarship). I had no backyard/access to nature and they all lived in big houses/mansions with pools in gated communities guarded by armed security. Had house staff, gardeners, drivers…
Today all my childhood female friends are married to millionnaires and males took their dad’s businesses.
As a child I was never bullied. I was quite “popular” BUT my home was my shameful sanctuary. I never invited anyone to my house and never celebrated my birthday with my friends because I was embarrassed. My parents would ask me why I never wanted to do a birthday party and I lied, i would say I preferred to be with my family. All I wanted was to be like them.
My only way to feel less inferior was to be extremely good at school and extremely likable.
It taught me grit and a drive to get myself out of this situation to “be like” them, more affluent. Today I’m proud of what I’ve become.
But would I want the same for my child? I’m not sure. I think I’ve built a life long insecurity to “succeed” because of feeling “not like my friends/inferior” during my formative years. It’s what feeds my drive, I guess. (Btw this was all in my head - my friends never knew I was a low class kid)
On the other hand if I had gone to a local school with people “like me” I probably wouldn’t have developed my drive and would have a totally different life today.
It’s a complicated question! I would say go for it and test it out.
Damn, I could’ve written the same thing! Co-signing all of this. We were definitely middle class by the standards of the US and the country we lived in though but that was living in an apartment while other people had drivers, cooks, cleaners and mansions with pools. The good definitely outweighed the bad and though the classmates I stayed close with mainly have similar class backgrounds as me, it has shaped me into a more driven adult.
You are always free to try another school if it’s not working. So why not try?
If it’s any consolation, I have a friend who grew up in a family like yours and went to Brearley with super rich kids and she had a great experience. Her best friend to this day is from a .0001% family with homes in NYC, Maine, Aspen, etc.
Manhattan has some really great public schools. I’d strongly consider not going private.
Yeah public schools are really good to use. I do not knock anyone that doesn’t do it, but personally I find I cannot get behind it. Public schools get some funding per student but also those students tend to have more involved parents and we need those parents and those kids in public schools. If all the families that can leave to do private then the students left are at a disadvantage. I want to support the public school system as much as possible.
We have used the magnet schools within our public school district. One of my daughters had issues at hers and we ended up pulling her from it and sending her to the one for our (pretty old) neighborhood instead. So, she now goes to the most diverse high school (and poorest) in our district, I really love that school. There’s been times that I am the only parent at her basketball games, and I get it - it’s hard to get time off or fit in stuff. So I can be that parent. I give lots of rides homes.
Big fan of public school for my kids in NYC.
As are/were we. I’m by no means bashing PSs.
I have no advice, just commiseration. We’re not at school age just yet but will be very soon. And we aren’t sure exactly how enriched vs messed up our kid will be growing up in Manhattan lol
Manhattan is one of the most segregated school systems in the nation and private school widen that gap. If you are truly looking for a diverse upbringing for your child, look closely at the stats of the private and local public schools.
I am the parent of school aged kids and school ends up being a lot of your social circle as your kid gets older. If you value diversity you have to push for it in ways that make you uncomfortable rather than think that it will happen to you by osmosis.
Let’s break this down. Are you insecure about your income and living situation? Kids don’t really know that information in school. Bullying can honestly happen anywhere. There are privileged kids in public school as well. You really can’t protect them from what happens in any school. As a parent, you can only provide for them opportunities and if you think this school is the right opportunity then I say go for it. Your family is just as deserving and just may need to build a stronger core value to withstand criticism. Hugs momma. You rock for any of this crossing your mind even.
I was one of the “poor kids” at my international private school for my whole life. Think children whose parents are on Forbes list while my parents were in a similar HHI bracket (TBH probably lower) as you. It was a wonderful experience that I wouldn’t change for the world. Yes, I felt “poor” as a child and teen but college gave me the perspective that this wasn’t the case. Other than a fantastic education, this instilled an ambition in me that I honestly wouldn’t have had if my parents had sent me to a public school where we were either at the top or middle. I’ve met people as adults who were the richest kids in their small suburbs who had the opposite realization as me and feel like that situation creates more issues for people as adults.
I grew up very privileged but not super rich. Went to a boarding school and can tell you all kids came from fcked up backgrounds - we all had our own shit. My father was a workaholic and mother alcoholic. I learned early that talking about your wealth was uncool and tacky, so real people with money don’t give a shit that your kids don’t come from money. Is it different? Yeah, but as a kid you just want your friends around you so you invite your friend who doesn’t go on spring break with you on your boat in the USVI or holiday break in Aspen. Send your kids to the private school with a scholarship - they’ll find their friends and be exposed to more experiences. Not saying public schools aren’t great but if you have the means to send your kids private, leverage that alumni network for all it’s worth!