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Anyone from Toronto ?
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When the partner asks why I missed his deadline
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Some people just don’t introduce partners to family until they are ready. “Ready” can mean different things to people like planning to get engaged, moving in together, already eloped, I’m serious about this person and hope to spend my life with them, etc. Family dynamics and culture differ for everyone and he already told you he’s never introduced a girlfriend to his parents. If he is a good partner and not exhibiting any other red flags, I’d try to not take it personally and respect his boundary. You want him to want to introduce you, not be forced to do it. Have you met his friends?
Chief
They didn’t know I existed for at least a year, probably met around a year and a half or two years
Rising Star
Please don’t listen to your friends. One thing I’ve learned as I get older is to mind my business when it comes to my friends relationships and to keep my relationship between me and my man (unless I see my friends man cheating then I’m pulling up!) Everyone has different standards when it comes to relationships.
I personally wouldn’t jump to conclusions because I have never introduced a guy to my mom and probably won’t unless there are serious conversations about engagement. It has nothing to do with how I view the relationship, it’s literally just about my relationship with my family. It’s a lot of pressure and if my partner put more pressure on me about it, it would honestly make me feel worse.
I didn’t introduce my bf (now ex) of three years to my parents the entire time we dated, and I will continue to not introduce any future SO to my parents unless we’re set on getting married.
Pro
There’s definitely something going on, and you should talk about it with him. But be forewarned his potentially valid reason (I have an unhealthy relationship with my family) may make your reason (my friends are pressuring me and I feel insecure that I’m not checking traditional milestone boxes) feel petty. But you also deserve more of an answer than “I need more time”.
I’m not sure
Is there a cultural issue? Like, his parents want him to marry an X and you are not an X?
A2, this is so true. And you may get strung along for a long time before they conveniently decide they were more traditional than they realized. Meeting a sibling or cousin shouldn’t be a big deal even if meeting mom/dad isn’t happening right away. After all, you need to feel ok with them too.
It is not your friend’s business. I don’t understand how anyone can pressure *you* for something *he* isn’t doing.
If you feel upset by it, ask him.
Totally second the above comment. I have difficult fam and after two years my bf has only met my mom twice and no one else. Parents are immigrants so culturally there’s one layer because where we come from parents don’t really meet who their kids are dating until the kids are engaged. Then there’s another layer that my parents are divorced and I’m just not close to my dad. I also have a small fam so no one else really other than distant cousins 🤷♀️ Meanwhile I’ve met like 50 people on both sides of my bfs family. It’s been so wonderful that he’s been supportive and not pressured me about meeting my family at all. I’d suggest asking your bf more about why he hasn’t introduced you to his fam before imagining the worst!
Rising Star
I delayed the meeting because my family and I are Muslim and my fiancé was definitely not. My family is also super toxic and I was scared he wouldn’t be able to handle it. Could something similar be at play for him?
Depends on the family. In mine, an introduction means you’re engaged or about to be. Let him do this at his own pace. Not everyone does it the same way.
Yeah he said that it would mean something similar to his parents too.
I don’t necessarily think that’s a red flag. I didn’t introduce my husband to my parents until after he proposed. On the other hand my husband wanted me to meet his parents 2-3 months into dating and I felt really uncomfortable…
Can’t relate. My now-MIL walked in on our first… time. He assured me no one would be home 😩. How’s that for meeting the fam?
That’s funny!
Everyone’s relationship is on a different timeline/trajectory. One of the most secure and healthiest relationships I know has moved a LOT slower than the “average” that fit into the expectations of friends. If you’re not bothered by it then do you. You’re the one inside the relationship, not your friends. If you are bothered by it then ask him and articulate what you want and need.
Disregard what your friends want. That said, YOU seem to want to be introduced, and that’s what matters here. It’s clearly wearing on you, and that’s the piece he should care about.
Pro
Have you discussed this with him? If so, what did he say? After 2 years I’d also feel weird about it.
On a separate note-My bf took 1.5 years to say “I love you”. But everyone does things at their own pace and I try not to let my friends create issues in my relationship.
Mine took almost a full year to introduce me. I think it’s less about the timing at this point and more about how you’re feeling about it. I wouldn’t let your friends pressure you.
I haven’t spent much time with his friends and it has somewhat bothered me but I let it go at his pace. I’ll ask if there’s a group thing to see if it’s a guy’s night or not but I leave it at that.
Are you pushing it with him? Or has it not organically come up?
I think if he hasn’t met yours it’s def less weird. Idk what specifics he gave but it’s a possibility he’s just embarrassed by his family
Enthusiast
Is meeting the family the only red flag in this relationship? If you are genuinely happy with him then I would not let the opinions of friends influence you. You also mentioned that you’re holding off on introducing him to your family. Why is this?
Rising Star
I’m only introducing the man I intend to marry to my parents. I’m private and don’t like family in my business. My brothers are the opposite and introduce most of their girlfriends to me and my parents. If it bothers you, have a conversation with him about it but also think about why it bothers you. Do you think he doesn’t see a future with you or is it because your friends are in your business?
Enthusiast
How long have you been officially in a relationship?
He doesn’t have issues with his family, but says they’re old fashioned so he feels like he would want to introduce me only when we are sure we are getting engaged. It’s also NYC so I’m guessing that influences things in a way
Have you met his friends? I bet he’s married. Sad to say but guys are very good at hiding that