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We are fighting because he has been on a trip with the same friend while he was single. His same friend was still married during that time. I morally and ethically do not want to be in this situation nor do I want some random stranger hanging out during our vacation. Vacation time is precious to me. I have been cheated on once before and I really wish people who knew me , even casually had stood up for their morals at the time as well.
That sucks... I'd explain to your SO that it's going to ruin your vacation and that if he wants to hang out with his friend he should just make another trip of it.
Maybe your husband could say, hey, it is your life and no judgement, but WE do not feel comfortable traveling with her. WE have respect for (wife's name) and whatever is going on between the two of you is your business, but I'm not sure I feel like it is right for us to traveling with (mistress name). We want to be respectful of (wife name)
Morals > your SO's fear of confrontation 100%.
While it's not your decision on what he does with his life, it IS you decision on who you associate with and even invite on a vacation (!) to Europe. I would be so uncomfortable in your situation and would also be pissed and uptight the entire time. I'm so sorry OP, what a shitty situation to be in. Hoping your SO comes around
How does your SO feel about it?
I am appalled that how people constantly ignore to choose right over wrong without smallest amount of guilt to live the life that pleases them and in doing so fail to recognize that their actions can mess up someone's life, that someone one who cared about them at one point or even cares now! How awful, if he doesn't like her he should leave her but not toy with her life just because it works out so well for him!
Sorry OP but if your SO condones this he's equally as much as a piece of shit (especially knowing you've been cheated on before)
The wife has no clue. I constantly hear how he will leave her any day now but it has been 3 years. Having him talk about leaving her and watching him cheat on her are two separate things and I'm not ok with the latter.
He wants to bring his "mistress" on a roadtrip in Europe. We invited him because my significant other doesn't get to see him that often.
Meaning that he lives in Europe.
I agree with you and I stated my position to him and where I'm coming from and that he should be proud that I stand firm in my values and morals. We will see what happens. I think he is too scared to say no to his friend.
Do you think the wife knows? I'm sorry. This truly sucks
He has 2 kids, which makes my guilt even worse!
Bring where? Say you have another commitment and that its best for them to be open with their spouse. Esp. If you are friends with the spouse.
My bf was recently at a bachelor party where one of the guys with a gf hooked up with a prostitute. He didn't condone it but I couldn't help feeling really angry and disgusted. Hate that this happens as often as it does. If it's going to make your trip uncomfortable for you then it's worth letting your SO know that you are not okay with it.
His view is its not our decision what he does with his life. I get that, but I can't keep my feeling of disgust to myself.
I'm so sad for you and for the situation. Maybe your husband and him can go on a golf trip or something like that. Cheating aside, if you are getting this mad about it now, it will prob ruin your (expensive) vacation if they go. You should be your husband's number one priority and if something makes you comfortable, he should shut it down aka figure out a way to tell the other guy that he is not welcome with the other woman. I substituted the situation with an annoying person and how I would handle it (aka my husband's college roommate has the worst SO and has ruined our vacays before). We now don't go on vacation with them anymore or if we do, we go in a big group and stay in different hotels and then wet up for meals. I'm sorry. This sounds really stressful and I'm not sure of a clear and obvious answer other than you deserve to enjoy this vacation with every ounce of your being.
Not your decision what he does with his life, but you don't have to complicit in the crime!
You're right, it is not your decision. Telling him he can't come with her isn't saying that he can't be with her, but rather, he can't bring her on your vacation. There are other venues for your husband and this guy to hang out. Does the guy have kids?