Haven’t had sex with my partner (we’ve been together for 9.5 years) for almost a year. He never initiates anymore and when I do initiate it, he usually says tried or some kind of excuse. And no, he’s not cheating because we are together almost 24/7 and we are truly each other’s best friends. But I am starting to feel like it’s a roommate/ just best friends situation without the romance. Any advice?

Similar thing happening here. Been together 8 years and we’re <1yr into marriage. Ive had serious convos with no change.
However one idea that worked recently is that i challenged him to “initiate one time this week”. He picked the time that worked for him, it was a one time baby step that was manageable, and i think he liked having it on his mind.

Men are visual creatures. Have you asked him if he still finds you attractive? Or if he is still interested in you as a woman? I have seen situations where a person might love their spouse but they are not attracted to them physically and that’s why they just avoid having sex.

I don’t have an answer, as I am going through the exact same thing. Interesting timing because I brought it up last night after yet another rejection. Just came to say you’re not alone and we deserve better. He’s gotten his hormones checked, he’s a healthy man in his 30’s. We went to couples counseling, but he wouldn’t talk about it. If you find any good resources, please do share.

Spend less time together! Make him miss you. Create the romance and go on a date.

also worth noting that I have a few friends who don’t like having sex when their partner is drinking. So be careful you’re not doing something that’s a turn off.

Men refusing sex has to be most insane thing ever. Men will literally want to do it all the time unless there is something really serious underneath the surface.

The ‘sex’ thing in marriage is the one that causes most conflicts outside of finance. I wonder what prevents couples from setting some ground rules and not seeking professional help when its needed. This ‘sex’ should not be an issue when the body and mind are healthy.

There are a lot of layers to this. As a man, I can tell you I was this guy for 3 years because my dopamine was coming from video games.

Once I kicked the video games and also began going to the gym 6 days a week, as well as a slight dosage of TRT, my sexual appetite flew back the other way and now we have an amazing sexual relationship. 8 years married and 9.5 together.

You say his hormones are fine - which may remove the TRT component, but where else is his dopamine coming from?

Alternatively, a few weeks on bruproprion may also help if he is a homebody and an introvert.

First, I’m really sorry to hear that. That’s so tough. A year is not OK for a relationship where at least one person wants to be having sex.

Given it’s been a year, I’m assuming at this point you’ve already had a really candid conversation with him about your observation of this, seeing how he reacts and understanding if he’s noticed this as well and if he feels like it’s ok or not that you’re not having sex, sharing your needs (I’m assuming you’d have an ideal cadence for how often you’d want sex), etc… but basically trying to understand if he sees this as a problem/understand why it’s happening. If you haven’t had this convo already I’d suggest starting there.

Next, I think you may want to consider couples counseling. If he’s resistant to this and doesn’t otherwise want to solve this between the two of you… I’m really sorry but it’s probably not a good sign for the longevity of the relationship.

My suggestion would be to start there if you haven’t. Again, I’m sorry you’re going through this - sex is so important for most relationships. Best of luck.

I have been the dude on the other side. My wife is a people pleaser who wants to be with me near 24/7. It's extremely exhausting and a mood killer no matter how much I love her.

I am always in the best mood when I have had a breather from her. Work trips or weekends separated make me miss her and want her more.

Maybe something like that could work for you?

Show off the girls a bit or that ass crack, and be like oops sorry I’m a sloppy girl.. he’ll be like.. heck yeah you are! 😈😈

As a guy it amazes me to hear how common this is in marriages... I don't really understand guys that are refusing sex with their wives, it's wild to me. My first thought for me is he having a medical/performance issue he may be embarrassed about? I would have a candid conversation about that first. If not, would he be willing to discuss what is going on in counseling, either couples or on his own? It will be hard to pin down without him being willing to talk about what changed.

My wife and I went through something similar, and it is due to a medical issue for her. In our case we ended up deciding the marriage more for my sake (at her suggestion!) but that is pretty recent and to be seen how it works out. Best of luck and I hope you are able to work it out.

Porn addiction? It’s more common than any would like to admit.

Relatable. First, being together that much with anyone WILL numb things until your mindful. My wife and I had to adjust a lot during the pandemic. But we’ve talked about it and regularly revisit.

Biggest rekindler is each of us having our own lives to come home and share with the other. Be patient though it took a while but knowing we both felt similar helped.

You’re not alone. I don’t think it’s even a generational thing. Good relationship have ups and downs, and they will be embraced especially when uncomfortable!

Is he playing for the other team?

One year too long time to be frank and I assume you already had open discussion with him to check if any issue with job or finance etc. Check if he has any anxiety issue. Hope you both are healthy and in shape. As someone already suggested you need to stay away from him sometime so there is physical distancing and he might get his urge back.

A man needs to hunt…maybe make it harder for him. Unpopular and less liberal opinion: Also the de masculinization of our society has left some men confused and not clear on what their role is these days…

My husband has issues with low T. Maybe that's a factor? Something to discuss when communicating? I think is the use of marihuana that can cause this but I could be wrong. Our fertility doctor told him not to get any Testosterone therapy now and wait until we are done having kids to start. I am eager to get to that point but we still want a second child.

Depends how badly the lack of sex is affecting you.

Care to share how you go about initiating it?

Same situation here :(