How can I explain to my wife that I'm not lazy, I'm just mentally drained by the end of the day? I come home from an 11 or 12 hour day, and I just don't have the energy to help out around the house the way I know I should. She stays at home with the kids all day, so it's up to me to earn all the money we need. She either needs to be willing to take a step back in lifestyle or accept that most of the housework and kid stuff is on her for now.

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I would explain it just as you have here. I think sometimes we overthink things when really, we just need to be honest with our partner. I think they are more understanding than we often give them credit for.

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I am a mom and also a partner of a law firm and the breadwinner. The days I am home with my daughter are harder than my days in the office as a lawyer. Your wife is also working full time, she is just doing it without pay and without any breaks or vacations. You live in the house and you need to help maintain it, just like you would if you lived alone. You could also consider hiring someone to clean, which is not terribly expensive and is a huge help.

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I’ve been on your wife's side in this, and my best advice is communication. Talk about it and listen to each other. Just as drained as you are is probably how drained she feels, too. Nothing will ever be 50/50, but hopefully you can both figure out how to get close to it and what that looks like for at least the time being. Assuming these are younger kids, remember it’s temporary.

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You sound like a selfish partner. Maybe you’re the one who needs to be OK with the step down in lifestyle.

I obviously don’t have any insight into your relationship ship, but why are you OK with a job the drains you so much you can’t support your partner?

Sounds like you need to both agree on a path forward that works for you and your family.

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Couples therapy. I've been going with my spouse as preventative care since we first got engaged, and when I recently became unemployed and took on more of the house stuff, I got concerned that this would become the expectation. Then we talked about it in couples therapy and worked it out.

We are going through this right now too. Wife isn’t working because of a new kid. We talked about this so many times before but yet it still keeps being brought up. Couples counseling has helped us a ton in the past.

Just explain your mindset to her! Maybe do a little bit of chores to help each day to show you care

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