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Honestly, it depends - I know close friends and family who felt God confirmed their spouse early in the dating phase (within first couple months), and I have close friends and family that didn’t know until after being together for year or so. In these examples I just referenced - all couples are happily married for a minimum of 10 years, so I believe their stories hold some weight.
I’ve been out of the dating game for 20+ years, but knowing who God is and assuming you are grounded in your relationship with Him, I do believe that He will show you early on if He wants you to pursue a relationship with the “spouse-candidate”, and He’ll eventually show you why. Maybe they were preparation for the spouse. Or maybe, He couldn’t show you who they were yet, because you weren’t quite ready. Hence He confirms that they are your spouse a little later.
Bottom line: stay connected to Him, and He won’t allow you to enter a relationship that’s not good for you… and you will ultimately find your spouse (or be found) without engaging in relationships that God wouldn’t want you to pursue.
For your reference, my wife and I have 6 kids and we’ve been married for almost 17 years. Never perfect, but always progressing.
Hope that helps.
Parents of 6 in 17?!
More power to you both🫡
As the post above says, stay close to God throughout the entire process. It’s more about finding the “right” one than getting caught up with finding the one. That would be my advice. You already know God’s general will for you in finding a spouse (I.e. must be a believer actively pursuing a relationship with God, respects her parents, agrees with purity, etc.) so by all means get to know people and find where they are with respect to these things.
Then think about temperament. Not good for both of you to be highly temperamental, or both passive, etc. Thirdly, when you’re officially together, date with intention to marry spending time figuring out what makes this person laugh, what they value, what they’re like with big groups and small, etc.
When you reach the point of determining this is the right person for you, ensure the feeling is mutual, then take a class together or basically go through premarital questions at your church. A good program will uncover areas to work on so you start off right. You’ll remember some of those answers years later if it’s a good program.
We met in college, married 20 years this year. The only thing I’ll say is there may not be (or you may not recognize) a clear sign or confirmation from God the way people typically think of receiving a sign. And I feel like sometimes that kind of subconsciously removes accountability for people who are making a serious life choice. They think they got some sign from heaven and then it’s all sorted and everything will work out. I love my spouse, and even just this week I was thinking back on some things and grateful for God directing my path. But I recognize things now, years later, that I didn’t understand or know in the moment and those things felt difficult and uncertain. Marriage, marriage that lasts, successful marriage takes so much work, learning, humility, forgiveness, perseverance, speaking up, etc. - even with someone you love who is a good partner!
I think you have to approach it as some analysis and good decision-making with the knowledge you have. Avoid obvious red flags and think about what things are important to you - not just right now, but for future - kids, home ownership, ministry and church, managing finances, vacation, housework, health and medical, careers, hobbies, etc. You may not agree with a love interest on every single thing, but there are some foundational ones that can break a marriage - kids, money, careers - and everything else is more about how you solve problems together and how you work through things and make decisions. You may not get a twinkling sign from heaven, but you can seek the Lord in decision-making and your partner’s character. Definitely also recommend pre-marital counseling when you get to that point.
Premarital counselling and further therapy and counselling seem to be underestimated weapons these days. To drive a car, you need training. How much more managing ongoing interactions with one person while both of you are changing as you age & mature, juggling inlaws while possibly being parents. It’s a lot…!
Society is no more set up for long marriages. I’d say invest in counselling and books if you want a happy marriage. Also some good social media channels like IG Jimmy_on_relationships he’s hilarious and transparent
Would also love to hear as an early 20s man
Which dating apps are you using? That’s been an issue for me in the past in terms of finding proper Christians