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This is extremely common in our professions and usually has to do with a skewed sense of self worth, based on atta-boy/girls from superiors or acceptance from other people. You are not your job, or your salary, or your net worth. And how sad would it be if you were?! A way to start breaking out of this cycle is with small steps focusing on attributes you have that are not connected to your job. Take some time, and write down 10 things about yourself that you know are true. No job can take it away from you.
The second part is to realize that while you have functioned in this specific role thus far, you are realizing that it’s not a good fit for you. There are so, SO many people in your situation. Take some time to think about the specific attributes that make you unhappy, and whether it’s firm or industry specific. That will help you determine what you can do next. There is always energy
Finally, there is no real way to measure yourself against another person. Everyone’s life is made up of specific experiences and capabilities, and everyone has their own problems.You cannot get the full picture by looking at a bank statement or resume. This is why comparison is the theft of joy, and also why it is a pointless activity. Once you find something that you can be happy with, it’s likely you’ll have an easier time not comparing yourself to others.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I think much of it has to do with me looking at it from a deficit: lacking the skills needing to make it to the next level. Whether it be technical skills or soft skills, or the hustle, I basically always look at why I’m not farther along.
But I will start thinking about the 10 things. Thank you!
Rising Star
I got into consulting at 34. Run your own race. I am starting to look at leadership roles in industry.
Similar boat late 30s still early tenure. Use your position to build a story and then find your dream job. MBB is made for that. Just take some time off to reflect what it is you truly want to do. Am 100% sure there's a path through your firm
I am grateful that I am at BCG. You’re right I need to use that as part of my story and do more self introspection on what my next step should be.
I started in consulting in late 30s as well. Now I’m in my 40s. Almost everyone at my level is 10 yrs younger. I’m grateful for being able to survive in this industry and no one can take the experience away from me. I use to think about my peer’s age, but it bothers me less now as I’ve learned to accept who I am. My peers are clearly smart and have earned their levels, but there are many things I have which they don’t. Now, whether that’s important in consulting, that’s a different story, but using my skills now to go to an industry could be favorable, as long as you can find the right job. It bothers me less while we are WFH. I’ll leave you with - comparison is a thief of joy.
What are your other values besides status? Maybe find ways to make friends in other circles based on those interests.
I have friends who are teachers, social workers, doctors, community interest lawyers, etc., who do a lot of good for society and don't get paid nearly as much. Was also in the MBB world but I never "looked up" to Partners b/c I have better people to admire, in my opinion
I think you bring up a really good point. This past year has been hard because nowadays all I’m surrounded by are consultants and clients. I don’t talk to my friends as often cause I suck at phone/sms (we met up often pre-covid). I need to start finding non-work things to look forward to!
I am in a similar spot and how do you get back in consulting late 30s? I would love to get your opportunity as next step.
How did you find this role with BCG? I spent early career in big 4 advisory, my network is not strong with strategy firms, what’s the best way to find a role with them? I am open to regional management consulting firms.