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Buy her some you like and gift them to her..especially with Valentine’s Day coming up you have a good excuse!
Are you interested in a relationship with her underwear or her? She’s confident. Leave it.
I debated responding to this post, but after seeing your responses to the comments, I believe you are being genuine. Please note confident beautiful women buy underwear and bras for themselves. They are not trying to impress anyone. Confidence is always a turn on. Perhaps you need to ask yourself, why do you need to objectify her and dress her up to meet your expectations or turn you on? Maybe you are secretly intimidated by her confidence and beauty.
I strongly encourage you to examine yourself and ask why you want/need this additional stimulant to be attracted to her. By the way, my boyfriend wears the same 10 year old underwear and T-shirt to bed since we have been together . But he is still the most attractive guy to me.
Your funny, obviously this hit a nerve with you. You definitely missed the point, so I will spell it out for you. If you need clothes for someone to “spice things up”, you are either very immature or insecure. There are many more creative ways to spice things up, that would be amazing for both partners. But the op was only looking to spice things up for himself. Kinda selfish, ultimately short sighted, and probably won’t help achieve his goal of long lasting intimacy with his partner.
Your last paragraph says a lot about you. I feel sorry for you.
A few months, and you're trying to do a makeover? My kids learned this saying in nursery school:
"You get what you get, and you don't get upset."
On one of your next little excursions offer to go to the mall, window shop, grab a bite, and watch a movie. As you're walking around, intentionally make sure a lingerie store, like VS, is in your path at some point and just ask her if you could pick out something sexy for her to wear for you. That way it comes off organic, you're asking her which gives her options, and you both get to be involved in something fun and sext that you'll enjoy later. Once you've opened that channel, then you can shop online for cheaper options.
Fun and sexy*
Pro
I mean it’s not petty, it’s just something you like that she obviously doesn’t seem to care much about. I think it’s very easy to discuss this when that shift happens in your mind. Like someone above mentioned, you can get her something sexy for Vday but I would pair it with something thoughtful as well. As a woman, I know I don’t like gifts for me to be for my husband. If I get a piece of lingerie for a birthday gift, that’s really selfish unless it’s something I love and maybe there a specific one I have been wanting. I mention this because 1. You do need to read the room and 2. It is very dependent on her personally. It also depends how far along you are stage-wise and time-wise.
Pro
If it were me, it would depend how far into dating or what stage we are in. If it’s been a year and we’ve been exclusively dating, it wouldn’t give me the ick. But if we’re very new I would think it’s presumptuous. If it’s been very sexual from the start, it would be much less presumptuous to me. It really depends on your relationship.
As Retired 1 said in a different comment, if you say ‘I got you something that I thought would look great, but I know it can not be your taste so no pressure’, that would be really awesome. Especially if also given with a gesture you know she’d love, whether favorite chocolates or some jewelry that is sentimental and just for her.
Just a note on your original post, I don’t think she needs to have the same ‘priority’ of dressing sexy in the bedroom. Some people just don’t see the value in sexy lingerie, or don’t think of it, or have sensory issues, or just don’t personally like it and that’s ok. Just reiterating that this is a preferences conversation, not a her doing anything wrong conversation. I would be careful not to push your own preference onto her as a failure in her priorities.
M2- I don’t think you can speak for all women.
I think my now husband said something like, I know women have their own style so I have something fun for you but if it’s not you, no worries. He gave an an out.
I’m a woman as well
Pro
All good ☺️
Buy her some not too revealing lingerie; like a cute teddy. Go to a nice store and tell the woman what you want. She’ll help you out.
My husband bought me a very cute teddy, revealing but not. I think it was on like the 2nd or 3rd time we met. I wore it all the time. But we got married 6 months later lol We’re on year 36 😳
Something like this, there’s a ton of styles and colors. Good luck
Oh, of course. I need more coffee lol
Stop nitpicking. In the bedroom everything comes off eventually. What’s the issue?
is this rage bait lol
yea its just not a real issue. i mean, if thats an actual issue you have in an otherwise normal enough relationship there will be much bigger fish to fry. i think at the very least best advice i can give is “dont sweat the small stuff” given that its immaterial at the end of the day
Maybe I overlooked and maybe it doesn’t matter the ages of you both? Does her choice in bedroom wear match her choice of clothing? I mean a stylish person usually is stylish all over. And although it doesn’t apply to me, sometimes people as they get older, just don’t care about those things.
I don’t know… Is this one tweak of her is really gonna make a difference? Overall, how are you feeling? I don’t believe there’s a man I know that turned me or a friend away because of our choice of underwear… And if they did, not with them in a long-term relationship. I am totally not judging you, but I’d like you to really think is this the only thing that really irritates you or? Is she wife material or long-term relationship material for you? Also maybe it’s different but I have “made over“ many men and I hope the wives or girlfriends now are appreciative of that. :)
Do not buy it for her as a surprise gift. You haven’t been exclusive for a long time, you may get the wrong size, you’re not in a relationship where you’ve expressed sexual desires around looks in the bedroom, it’s a gift for you not for her, I could go on. Have a conversation about your likes and ask if she is into lingerie. If she says she isn’t or doesn’t really have any, then suggest maybe shopping together for one. It also may be the occasions when you’re intimate. Are they planned or more impromptu? Are you setting a romantic mood?
Next time you see her in it say hey I think you forgot your walker. When she asks what you mean say oh I thought you were an old grannie with that look?
You trying material at the Comedy Cellar this week???
Show her your sense of style by getting some spicy boxers, in an upscale fabric with some suggestive detail detailing
They also have different outfits you can order, like bow ties or sexy cowboy
Alot of these comments are focusing on either objectifying or to be covert.....I suggest you ask some questions. I would guess in a case like this, the woman doesn't see herself as attractive objectification...I mean she didn't know what it is that is attractive and has trained herself to not be "extra" to avoid disappointment, mainly for herself, but also for yhe yhe observer. You'll probably find she was brought up in a way, or had very early experiences, that lead her to "under deliver " rather than disappoint. It could be ad basic as girls laughing in the changing rooms, to as advanced as parents telling a child to not be too womanly.
If youre really concerned youll need to help her face her reason to be so drab and why she doesn't want to be feeling enticing and attractive, before you should impose your preference of attire.
First connect, then you can Understand
Buy the lingerie for her.
Like the woman in the subject, I too do not wear either sexy clothing or undies. First I want the man to pay attention to me as a human and get to know me while I get to know him without him staring at my boobs the entire time not listening to a thing I say. Secondly is the fact that while I was dressed very conservatively I was attacked and raped. So, the thought of dressing in a sexy manner makes me fear for my safety. I eventually married the one guy who did not press me for intimacy right away and was a gentleman throughout. Of course once he gained my trust I was the one to spice things up in the bedroom, but not with bras or undies...
I think you should maybe tell her one of your turn ons is red lingerie or something like that and ask her if she has any . I wouldn’t be offended by this at all but give her a hint and maybe even say “if I bought you it would you wear it”
I think the whole conversation area about what you each like is in order. I'm in my 50's and with someone new after having kids and um not being with my ex anymore - and the exploration and open discussion I'm now having never, ever ever happened in my prior relationships - maybe I was a prude or inexperienced or whatever but it's important to her and I like it and it's taken some doing to come out of my shell and it's been amazing. That conversation is worth having - and preferences are whatever they are but it should ideally be discussed - what I like to wear may not be what she wants on me and vice versa - we will figure out what we like and what we like for each other... but talk, you must. Good luck!
It is not her priority to look sexy for you. You’re in this relationship together. To think of her in such a one-sided way, is possessive and disrespectful. Cherish the woman you chose to be with.
Focusing on sexy lingerie, hairstyles, perfume, that is all seductive lust. It doesn’t hold a relationship together.
I suggest you read relationship books to develop a healthy, resourceful perspective.