I want to be a new man in 2025 but don't know how. I am in my late 40s and spent the entire last year 5 + years stressed out. I am in a very senior role at work. When dealing with conflicts specifically, I would let it bother me. I have realized most of the stress was induced by me. Some of it is my own insecurities. I would like to change myself and be a better man at work but don't really know how to. Should I seek the help of a shrink or am I better off with an executive coach?

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Start with a therapist to unpack the root cause of the behavior that’s making you unhappy/ things you want to change. It takes time to find the right therapist though, so be patient and make sure you do the research to find someone you’re compatible with/ someone trained to help you in the way you need.

Besides that, journaling and self reflection helps. In consulting, we often tie so much of our self worth and identity with our career and perceived success in it, that the fear of “failure” can be paralyzing. Everyone has insecurities, the idea is to try and figure out where it stems from and work on that. Over time, some insecurities can turn into strength with compassion, kindness, love, and patience towards self. Other insecurities can stay with us for a lifetime but we learn to manage through it and embrace it even.

I went through something similar in my late 30s so happy to chat more if you’d like op!

likeuplifting

Leave consulting, switch to a senior leadership role in corporate, work out, meditate, and practice servant leadership. Getting an executive coach AND a therapist will help too

You’re gonna be ok

likesmart

It’s your outlook on life. But it’s not your fault you’re this way. You just need to change your perceptions. Everything boils down to fears and resentments. For me, it’s fears and resentments related to 4 major character defects: entitlement, envy, expectations, and ego. Once we accept that the world is exactly the way it is supposed to be, and that we are powerless over people, places, and things, life becomes so much easier. All of us also have varied layers of past trauma that influence how we perceive the world around us and react to others. Changing this perception opens the door to gratitude in daily living. When we life a grateful life we want others to have what we have - and that involves purpose through service to others by doing the next right thing each day, even when we don’t feel like it.

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Additionally, I've learned that when you can truly accept things one has no control over, and alternately have total control over how one responds to these things, life gets infinitely easier.

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A low dose of Zoloft worked wonders for me to reduce my stress and anxiety, particularly in how I respond to things at work. I started showing up way more measured and “chill” in how I processed and reacted to things, both for myself and for my staff. I know not everyone wants meds as an answer, but they’ve been a miracle worker for me. Now after about two years I feel like I know what a new “normal” can look like and I’m working with my doctor to wean my way off of them and see if I can operate the same way without meds going forward.

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Counseling is the right move. That’s not really something you can fix yourself. It’s still not a magic bullet and takes work. Find a good counselor, be super honest, and do what they tell you. If they just listen and don’t provide specific feedback, they’re just wasting your time. Taking this first step is a great start! 🏅

Go therapy! I have a great therapist if you need one. I work with him on zoom

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