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Yeah, if you don’t like kids, please don’t have them.
You’ll become less interested in “playing hard” as you get older. I’m 33 and “playing hard” on the weekend is washing and waxing my car and then coming back inside and taking an edible and making a nice dinner and watching a movie. It’s a nice life.
However: hell no on kids. It’s not for me. You don’t have to justify not wanting kids!!!! I don’t like kids, I don’t want to pass on my horrible anxiety and depression to a new generation, and I would be an absolutely atrocious father.
It’s the not wanting to pass on my anxiety and depression for me. I just want to get through life and not worry about what will happen to someone after I die.
Subject Expert
In about 3 years, you will realize that your body can no longer handle playing hard on the weekends.
Also, surprised you’re able to do that with a biglaw job and girlfriend.
A38 - are you in Utah or Colorado?
Coach
I was never amped about having kids, never changed my mind, and am happily living a childfree life with my husband. It’s honestly the best.
P2, it sounds hilarious to say that other friends have "joined" the child-free club. As in, have they just put their kids up for adoption after the fact? 😆
Great thanks for sharing
I’ve got 4 kids - wouldn’t change a thing but its not for everybody. It would be a huge mistake to have kids because you feel some external obligation to have kids.
A40, no, I’m not flying them private and taking them to Nobu every night.
You don’t ever have to have kids, but you do have to be upfront with your partner about whether or not you want kids. If you don’t and she does, which you mentioned above, you guys may need to have a tough conversation.
It might help if you know if it’s an absolute no, a maybe, or will probably decide I’m ok with it later. Therapy could help with this (crowdsourcing as you did here just to see how others feel is useful but ultimately won’t tell you how you personally feel). Otherwise, if you just put off the unresolved convo, you’ll end up with the same outcome years later, when you could have cut your losses earlier as just being incompatible.
It also also sounds like the in laws will probably be around. You can hope they won’t be, but there’s no guarantee, so might want to decide whether that is a dealbreaker for you. If you decide it’s not a dealbreaker, you could try to change your thinking on it and think of how nice it will be for your kids to have more people around who love them (and who can help with childcare when you’re busy).
Best of luck!!
Not a lot of older folks on here....mostly people in their 30s...whose friends (if they have kids) likely only have young ones. The reality of a childless life won't really hit home for quite a few years--which is the mistake a lot of wealthy young people make. Yes, you give up your youth to children in some respect and it may feel like an unworthy or terrifying sacrifice. But you get so much more back for that selfless exchange, even if at times you won't see it until you grow older.
Yes, life feels short when you're in your 30s, when you finally have some financial freedom, along with the first signs of aging. But it's imo too long to have no one else to live for. Your dog will die sooner you like. Partying hard gets lonelier and dumber and more formulaic with each passing weekend (and also gets unhealthier). Your hobbies will seem passing and shallow. Unless charity is your job, volunteering is only periodic and sometimes completely meaningless. And you can't take the money you save with you.
Just ask the divorced 50 year old dude at your local bar if he'd trade his free time for time with his kids. If you can physically have kids, think long and hard about your decision not to, and not just for your 30s. There's a reason why humans have been doing it since the beginning of time.
To each their own. Having said that, @A27's original comments above almost had me in tears. I love my little kids. Wouldn't have it any other way. That's it.
Mentor
Hedonism starts to lose some of its luster in your 30’s. You don’t recover from hangovers as quick, you start getting some pains, you lose the ability to process dairy/spicy foods as easily as before.
You start to become aware of your own mortality and concern for legacy, especially as all your homeboys start to settle down with wives/kids/mortgages.
It’s difficult to go hard solo, and while you have quite a bit in common with 25 year olds now, you’ll have very little in common with them when you’re 35.
Doesn’t mean you have to have kids, but your interests will change.
Mentor
You know “accidentally raising shitty kids” has happened on occasion to every generation, right?
Enthusiast
Come join the Childfree Bowl! We’re unencumbered and loving it.
Mentor
unencumbered 😂
Subject Expert
You do you. What's the point of the question haha? You know the answer - that you'll live as you wish. We're not gonna try to talk you out of it.
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For me personally (and your story resonates) I said "im happy today, this wont make my life better today". And lol that was true. But i also said "in twenty years i think ill be glad i did / sad i didnt. So lets plan ahead."
But thats no guarantee you will feel such.
Enthusiast
When you’re 32 and not going hard you’ll want them even less, believe me. Life is so nice and QUIET and clean and you can do whatever you want and also $$$$$.
I just turned 33 and totally agree with you lol
Subject Expert
Not having kids is awesome. All the free time and sleep and not waking up at 4am to go to swim practice. Plus if you have nieces and nephews just chill with them and have a blast then hand them back
Mentor
Things change. And even then you may not want kids. That’s life - no one said ya had to have them. Unless you ran into some of those 🐠 that think they are morally superior for having kids 😂
Lol, my girlfriend's mother is one of those types 😂😂😂.
I was raised by people who didn’t want kids and it’s been fucking awful. People who don’t actually want to be parents shouldn’t have kids. For any reason.
Lots of stuff sounds like it sucks but we do it anyway. Also, you’ll just change. When I was a little kid I listened to radio Disney, and they had a tagline like “radio for kids 12 and under” or something, and I was worried what would happen when I turned 13. I don’t know when I stopped listening to radio Disney, but suffice to say it was well before I turned 13. Don’t let these people try to tell you not to have kids. You want to go out and party on the weekends and your 27 - that’s fine. You will want to do that less in your 30s, and you prob still won’t be totally ready to have kids until they show up.
Agree with SMA1. I also think that there is absolutely no way to accurately describe what it's like to be a parent. You have to go through it to understand. I have a different social life with kids but it's still active and you meet different people through your kids.
But if you absolutely know you don't want kids then don't do it. If it's just a question of how can I work this job and have kids, then you can make something work.
Coach
I’m 28. Wife (30) is having twins in 2 months… but we did IVF so very much planned. I’ve always wanted kids and I’m done partying the way I used to so I’m pretty cool with saying adios to those days. In my case, my brother (31) and close cousin (32) had kids this year so we’ll have 4 boys all within a year of each other which I think is awesome. I’ve got the wife, the new house, and soon kids so I’m pretty much checking off all of the adulting boxes.
But to be fair, kids aren’t for everyone, and you shouldn’t rush if you’re enjoying where you’re at, especially at 27. Have fun man.
Coach
I’m just excited for my boys to be here. Saw my 4 month old nephew yesterday and I honestly felt such joy to laugh with him and make him smile like crazy by blowing kisses in his face. Can’t wait to do that with my own sons.
I honestly wouldn’t ask this question here. Most people in biglaw are extremely vanilla
Vanilla people succeed in big law. They can just be billable hour robots
Yeah it sounds like you would be a bad parent. Don't have them.
Mentor
But SCOTUS wants us to give birth, and they also want children to give birth.
They don’t care if we’re bad parents, we can put them in a box in a wall.
Mentor
Ok?