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Yeah, if you don’t like kids, please don’t have them.
You’ll become less interested in “playing hard” as you get older. I’m 33 and “playing hard” on the weekend is washing and waxing my car and then coming back inside and taking an edible and making a nice dinner and watching a movie. It’s a nice life.
However: hell no on kids. It’s not for me. You don’t have to justify not wanting kids!!!! I don’t like kids, I don’t want to pass on my horrible anxiety and depression to a new generation, and I would be an absolutely atrocious father.
It’s the not wanting to pass on my anxiety and depression for me. I just want to get through life and not worry about what will happen to someone after I die.
Mentor
why is it always the ppl who dont have kids and dont have the means to having a kid (i.e. a consenting spouse) that obsess about not wanting to have kids? 😂
Mentor
so? is your girlfriend going to be your wife in 4-5 years? Will you still be in biglaw in 4-5 years? Will you still be playing hard on weekends in 4-5 years? you’re worrying about something that is not a real option of yours yet
You should definitely think about having kids in this stage of your life. I had kids at your age and I had the same views as you at 27, but I changed for the better.
When work gets busy, it’s simple. Lock them in the washing room and lay down some newspaper and scatter some food in semi hard to find places. Gives you a whole work day while the kids play “escape room”!
Enthusiast
If you don't want kids, then... don't have them? Not sure what you're looking for here. I definitely do not recommend having kids out of any sense of duty or obligation. You should specifically want to have them and raise them, knowing that your role as a parent will take up most of your waking hours.
OP, you and your girlfriend sitting around waiting for you to change your mind about wanting kids is a recipe for a bad time.
Enthusiast
He’s in his late 20s!! Relax
Then don’t let go…
Not having kids as a female is associated with increased risk for certain cancers so I guess that might be a justification for one to have kids even if they don't want to give up their lifestyle.
And its interesting that I'm the one being called catholic (I'm not), y'all don't even believe in science.
OP: this is a perfectly fine and normal perspective! Your view might change, but it also might not, and whatever happens, that’s 100% ok!
I’m a recent parent of a semi-planned child (now almost 11 months old). I will say, if you get to this point, you may feel like you *want* to choose staying home with your child and partner. That might not be every night, but that’s what babysitters are for! I’m hoping what you take away is that it doesn’t feel like a loss of freedom, at least to me. I just love running home to my little one and husband and am so excited to see my son smile and what new things he’s learned that day. He’s also in bed by 8, so that’s when I log back on or spend time with my husband. My husband is quite supportive and I know I can go to happy hour if I want to…. But that little one’s smile is so much better than even the swankiest glass of wine my firm will buy! I don’t feel like I’m missing out. If anything, I feel lucky that I have the choice to run home and see that little single-toother before he’s off to bed!
I know lots of folks my age that are proactively childless, and they’re happy too. Please just ignore the noise and do what feels right for you. But if you think that’s kids… don’t be scared of what you’ll lose. You won’t even notice with all you gain.
Coach
Why do you think it's a requirement to have kids? That's a mistake.
Hahaha this is the most me thing I have ever read on this app.
I am 33. I don’t have kids and don’t plan to have kids. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. We hike and camp and enjoy the outdoors every weekend.
I met the "right person", and when he told me he'd had a vasectomy at 28 because "he knew he didn't want kids and he didn't think it was solely woman's responsibility to be on birth control", I was like "OMG you're so hot I think I'm in love", haha
I will just relay my personal experience and say that I was just like you, didn't want kids and wife and I spent our weekends partying and traveling all over the world, and i was definitely far from the "vanilla" type others ITT are describing. Wife got pregnant at 30 and we kept it, and its been the most rewarding and satisfying experience of my life by far. 2 years later we now have 3 kids. I took my oldest to the planetarium Friday and it was way more fun than I ever had in Tokyo, Ibiza, Berghain or Tomorrowland, which were among my top pre-child experiences. Literally Every single person I've spoken to that felt similarly and wound up having kids feels the same way- not a single one regrets it.
In my personal experience, lots of people dont want kids because they're afraid of giving up experiences like that, but after having kids, all of those experiences feel pretty banal and empty in comparison.
You never love anything as much as you love your child (this is basically a biological certainty). It seems a shame to never get to experience such a beautiful, powerful emotion, which I'd describe as better than the best high I ever experienced. I also realize now that having a child is a huge part of the human experience, which I'm immensely grateful I didn't miss out on.
Just my two cents 🤷♂️
Coach
OP, one thing to consider as you get into your 30s is that you’ll start to feel excluded when all of your peers have kids and start doing kid stuff together without you…your social life will look different for sure if you have kids but you definitely still have one. A lot of my single friends feel very left out because they are excluded from the parent club.
I’m 28 and still go pretty hard on the weekends, interchanging multiple groups of friends. I wouldn’t say it tapers off “after 30.” It tapers off when folks have kids. That said, hangovers are way heavier these days than when I was 21.
🥲
Here is the thing about “liking” or “not liking” kids: you will like your own, even if you don’t like other peoples.
Also, highly recommend having kids as young as possible. It’s easier on your body (both from a child bearing and child rearing perspective) to have them young.
Yeah… this may be your own experience but the reality is not everyone likes their kids. Signed, a kid of a parent who did not like their kids and should never have been a parent.
The good thing is that you don't have to give that up if you don't want to. Your body will last of you take care of it. I live in a part of the country that is an outdoor sports mecca, very health and active lifestyle oriented. Lots of people work hard play hard for a very long time. If you truly don't want children, there's no problem with that. My boyfriend and I know that we don't want kids, and he went as far as getting a vasectomy. We decided that if we ever change our minds, we would likely adopt, but for now we love our life. We're in our mid 30s with two dogs living the life we want. Don't feel pressured to have kids, every kid deserves to be wanted, and you also deserve to be happy.
Visual Storyteller
Agreed, my parents indeed, were not ready to have me. My mother was 20, and my father was 22; it was not the most stable situation. I think they would have been better parents had they wanted kids, particularly at that time
Go with your gut. I’m 37, married, no kids. We have a very happy life. We don’t really have to worry about money. We travel. We still live in the city. We still occasionally go out partying. (We’re gay so partying into your 40s is much more common and accepted)
Do I sometimes question if we made the right decision? Sure. But overall I’m very content with it.
Then you don’t. Be childfree. And talk to your partner if you want to be that way to make sure you’re on the same page.
Neither of my two brothers had kids, I did. Kids make you realize that the world does not revolve around you, and although they are 2x as much work and 4x as much expense as you imagine, they are also 10x as much fun. In retrospect, I think that one of my two ‘TINK’ (two incomes no kids) brothers was fine with it, but I think that life would have been better for the other one if he had kids — they would have knocked the misanthropy out of him. At 27, however, if you want to keep playing for a while, then do that! Just think about what you want your life to look like in 15 years or so.
Mentor
Think about this, if you have kids, they will probably die a violent death when the planet burns from global warming. Or maybe your grandchildren.
Those generations are fucked. Thanks, Boomers! Y’all fucked up everything for us. xoxo
@A40 I'm 31
Please, OP, refrain from having kids. Just talked to a lawyer friend of mine who's going thru a messy divorce and is contemplating giving up on their kids! F-ing sad.
Stay away if your priorities are warped.
Well, perhaps. I tend to think you make a contract to be responsible for your kids no matter what. Even in divorce, you don't get to throw in the towel with regard to your kids.