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Talk to him but also get your priorities straight. We have 3 kids and both have had demanding career, which we put on hold as the kids are our #1 priority. I got on reduced schedule and my husband stopped working weekends. It is important for us to spend time with our kids and raise them. Sometimes I get offers to double my salary and double my hours, people say just get a live in nanny and work as much as you want. It’s your choice if your career is more important than your husband and kids, sure you can kick him out.
Hey. Family is important. Arguably, family is the number one important thing. If your kids are suffering because of how much you and your husband are working, it is time to have an honest discussion about responsibilities and whether or not it is necessary to hire outside help to ensure your kids have the best possible life, if neither of you are willing to compromise your careers in any way in order to be there for your family. Money isn’t everything. Either of you refusing to do what is right for your family would be grounds for no longer being one- but there are so many options, especially if you’re about to make director and he has a lot to take care of as well.
It’s time to hire some help. Maids, nannies, or therapists
Hiring a maid to clean and help with daily tasks like laundry, dishes, helping with kids lunches, etc. was huge for my family. My wife and were not of the mind to hire a full time nanny, but having an extra hand to take the admin work out of the day so that we could spend more quality parenting time being present with the kids when we are home was a big benefit. I recommend that as a place to start if you are hesitant about how much help is the right amount
Maybe he should take the lower paying job and help out 🤔
Sometimes it's more important to spend less rather than earning more
Honestly three years ago before I was married I would have said "he's an idiot. Your career is important." But now that I'm happily married I feel like it's all about give and take. Money can't buy happiness. Money doesn't spend time with you walking the dogs or antiquing on the weekends. Money won't hold your hand if you have to have chemotherapy. Money won't fill the chairs at your funeral with mourners.
Gender roles are changing/becoming nonexistent, and if he has difficulty with that, it’s one thing. If you’re missing out on your kids’ big moments- dance recitals, plays, sports games, learning to walk, first crush, etc- that is completely another.
Sacrificing your children’s well-being for a title or a few extra thousand or to show your husband who’s boss isn’t worth it. Have an honest discussion about what y’all can and cannot handle on your own, and get a nanny, maid, etc to fill in the blanks of what the two of you cannot or will not do.
Without context I don’t know if the ask came from a good place or not, but wow, if I could afford it I would be a stay-at-home dad in heartbeat. I would also love to be in a financial situation where I could even make my wife the same offer. I have friends that moved to a location where the husband could quit his job and be full time at home. They are much happier as a family.
Don’t kick him out. Hopefully, he meant well.
I know right!? I would LOVE to be a stay @ home mom. I guess all we can do is save up as much as we can and maybe it will all workout in the end.. retire earlier lol
Well I'd never suggest simply kicking out your spouse, especially your children's parent. Perhaps you do need to have a heart to heart about the balance of the non-financial aspects of your relationship. If you make a ton of money but don't give time to the most important people in your life, he may be right. If you are good at juggling it all, you guys may just need to hire someone to help chauffeur the kids or babysit or do some house cleaning. It's hard to say without more details.
Counteroffer with just quitting and stay at home after he gets a new job big pay bump to cover difference in income. Until then, he can help out more.
Balancing having a family and two demanding professional jobs is extremely hard - have seen many couples where one person decides to downshift for awhile to take a larger role with the family - but that should be a decision made together - him telling you to do that seems like a red flag for your relationship
This is one of the biggest things my spouse and I argue about. They don’t understand why I won’t get a 9-5 job but I worked one before and didn’t find it challenging enough. Being in PA challenges me and makes me feel fulfilled. Without that, I’m miserable. So it’s still a goal to try and find something with better hours so I can spend more time with the family, but after honest conversations with my spouse about my reasons for wanting to stay in PA, they became more understanding about it all, as long as I find a way to have more flexibility during busy seasons
Similar problem but just at the senior level. Husband works a low-med pay government job and has 830-430 schedule and works 10 mins from home, but still asked me to get a 9-5 job. Already left PA and working in a local bank (1/2 hour travel time one way) with poor management, not-challenging work, and bad benefits. Have been wanting to get a higher-paying job in the city (NYM) to cover childcare expenses, but most likely requires longer travel time. Husband is still not on the same page with me and is afraid I will have less time taking care of the family.
^ what’s that?
Maybe it’s because he knows ur stressed out? Shoot I would less demanding 9-5 job to be honest lol
My house the dishes and chores just pile up until the weekend and we spend the whole weekend putting Humpty Dumpty together again just to fall apart the next week. :)
This is real-world problems. I mean, it comes down to what is best for you (which includes career) and what is best for your family. Not easy.
I think it depends. Is he doing most of the chores and childcare? Maybe he wants it to be more 50/50, or at least 60 (him) / 40 (you). But if you are able to participate equally while pursuing your career he needs to be supportive.
My husband and I work at PA. However, we divide chores, we communicate schedules (out of town, who will be in the office or client, etc) so we know who is going to be responsible for picking up/dropping off, cooking, etc for our children. Flexibility helps us both accomplish all the things that we are responsible for. I still work full time but I come late leave early when I need to. The same for my husband. Check internally if you can do the same..
Agree with pwc2. There's no shame in getting help for home/family matters.
I have a 15-20 hour per week nanny that helps with school pickup, homework, kids activity travel. I couldn’t function without her