I’m too scared to have a child with my partner because I’m worried about my career. I’m 26 (F) and I’m the second most junior position at my firm. Firms act like they will support you and that it won’t affect your career but I feel like it’s never true in practice, especially since I’m quite junior. Any advice?

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Obviously it’s your decision, but there’s never a “perfect time” to have children. You can always find reasons to delay that decision. First you want to get school loans paid down. Then you’re the new hired associate and not secure about your future. Then you want an advanced degree. Then you may have anew house and a mortgage, etc. If you’ve got the right partner and a fairly positive outlook, you’ll be fine. Besides, you won’t find out if they won’t support your career until after you return from maternity leave. At that point, you can always find another job. And sue for discrimination while you’re at it 😊

Hell, chances are you and your partner are in better financial shape than your parents, when they had their first kid.

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I agree there isn’t a “perfect time” to have kids, but I do think there are better and worse windows. Late 20s to mid 30s seems like the ideal time to have kids, IMO. OP, you have plenty of time — I wouldn’t sweat it!

26 is so young… live a little more!

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If you have always wanted kids and/or having kids is a priority, have them as soon as you can. The future holds no promises.

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I wouldn’t let career fears stand in the way of having a child. My personal experience: I had a child at 30, single mother from the beginning, took a year off, and then came back hit the ground running and more than doubled my salary in 5 years. If someone judges you for doing the most natural thing on this earth aka having children then GTFO and find a place where you’re appreciated.
Plus as a parent you gain a ton of new skills like multi-tasking and not needing to sleep through the night. The confidence and experience I have now doesn’t compare to my pre-kid days and definitely translates into my work.
You can do it, if you want, and have it all. Good luck OP!

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My suggestion is make a promo at your firm to SC or EM, get credibility, then have a baby. Also get grad school out of the way. This way, you have some credibility when you return from maternity leave.

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^ great advice. You need to build your brand by working hard before you have a kid so that you gain the trust and flexibility you will need to make it work after baby is here. You can do this!

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I had my first kid after being with the firm 2 years and was in the second most junior position as well. I had already built a really strong reputation. I had my second kid two years later, after being promoted to Manager in between (my title isn’t updated for some reason…). My firm has been supportive both times. They also didn’t (outwardly) judge me for having kids so young, but I believe my colleagues think I’m older than I truly am… Anyhow, strong career progression IS still possible. My only caution is that kids have a way of changing your perspective on life and definitely can make it challenging to be able to give your 100% best self to both your work life and your family life, at least while they are still really young in my experience.

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I don’t think I’ve worked with anyone at OW below PR with kids (which is sad) Tbh not sure what your hours are like (I usually unfortunately work till midnight or later), especially with us starting to go back into the office I’m not sure if you will get a lot of time with your child in it’s first few years. My cousin had a kid at 25 but her mom is raising the kid

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Do you want a child right now?

likesmart

The easiest time to have a kid is after partner - but if that’s not in the cards, hard to say one time is better/worse. There are a decent number of junior folks starting to have kids earlier. But it is so individual it’s hard to say

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You’re right. Studies show the wage gap significantly increases once a woman has kids (men face no penalty and often get more money/a promo). Also women get pressured to stay home because childcare is expensive and women make less so the “math” works out (I say that in “” because it doesn’t factor in that the woman’s career will grow and the non-financial benefits of her working).

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Agree with seeing if you can get a milestone promotion, but also why not change company if OW isn’t supportive?

I’m in internal strategy and in my mid-late 20s I’m the youngest and only one without kids. I feel left out 😂

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I would say that you should just have kids when you want them if having a family is a priority for you and your partner and the rest of your life will fit around it. If your goal is to have kids while maximizing the chance of also having your career progress at the same rate as if you didn’t have kids - well that’s a bit tougher since something has to give (you only have so much time and energy).

Things to consider:
- make sure your partner is ready to take on 50% or more of the work required to care for a child. You need someone pitching in on the home front to continue in a demanding career.
- if you can wait, I’d say wait until you hit EM as you start to have significantly more control and flexibility in your schedule which will allow you to fit in your parental responsibilities more easily. You’ll also get paid much more than you do now which will allow you to outsource more child care and home stuff (Eg cleaning, meal prep). If you’re an SC now, that could be within 2-3 years.
- start building the muscle of setting WLB boundaries now and learning how to say no or ask for what you need so that when you become a parent, you are already used to having conversations about protecting your time while still delivering for your clients
- talk to people at the firm who have young kids at OW and ask them for practical advice on how they have handled the transition from no kids. They will likely be happy to share the realities of their experiences so that you get a better sense of what is possible.

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EM with a ~1yr old. Would be more than happy to chat if you want to DM me. My wife is also in a very competitive, long-hours line of work and while definitely not easy we make it work and like to believe we’re “hands-on” parents. Echo the sentiments being shared here that there’s never a good time and that you should prioritize what’s most important to you.

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Go for the kid, you and we will make it work - happy to chat (father of a 1y old here)

In terms of women’s pay equity, the pressures they face at home and the bias they face at work, and their career trajectory, no I am not joking. Men get more esteem for being fathers. Women somehow are held in less esteem at work if they become mothers.

Think of the classic, I need to leave work early to take my kid to the doctor. When a man says it, “what a great dad!” When a woman says it, “that’s your most important job, being a mother / she’s not showing as much dedication at work”

Compound that with the fact that mothers are generally the first people the school, doctor, and other parents call to get forms, make appointments, and arrange play dates, that’s a bias in the system that you have to actively work to change.

If OPs partner is a father like you who is dedicated and does at least 50% of childcare, takes as much paternity leave as she takes maternity leave, is the primary point of contact, and does 50% of errands and housework, and you hire someone to look after the kid while you’re both at work, then she’s got a chance. But she’ll still face the stigma of being visibly pregnant in the office and have to overcome that with her work.

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OP, come to a Family Life at OW meeting, people are very open about sharing their experience in managing this demanding job with raising a kid, and you’ll be able to find people who went through the same experience at SC/ASC.

FWIW thanks to Covid it’s likely much easier to find a non travel project for the later stage of pregnancy. Silver linings…

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