is there any sustainable way to continue to work with a narcissistic workaholic project lead / partner (strategy consulting) who consistently gives unclear contradictory direction, is unrealistically demanding, and passive-aggressive? they also own the relationship with the actual client we’re working for.

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Haaaaa you just made me smile lol. I would look for a new job or see if you can switch departments maybe? Do his/her/them superiors know about the situation and if they do, do they have any suggestions? In my last position I was in a VERY toxic environment for 9 months. My co-worker was constantly derogatory and would make rude mean comments under his breath everytime he talked to me. I spoke to him about it nicely and he claimed to have no idea what I was talking about and then I spoke to my supervisor three times about it and she even called him out on it but nothing was going to change. Then the client that we were working for was even crueler. They would call people out in scrum meetings and grind them into the ground, putting them down, saying they're incompetent, and basically acting like everybody else was stupid and didn't know what they were talking about. It was daily. I would come out of meetings and feel this sad pit in my stomach even when none of these comments were directed towards me. There was also some definite misogyny thrown in there from my coworker and the client which is a very large company. My supervisor at the agency I worked for knew how bad the client was and so it was just deal with it or leave. Thinking about it now I should have never stayed as long as I did because it was a horrible horrible environment. I should have been looking for something else while I had a job.

If you are in a horrible environment like that you really don't know when it's going to turn on you. Since the job market is so bad now I would suggest looking now so that you're looking for another job while you're still bringing in money. Believe me and good luck.

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Thanks for sharing! Fortunately, this project I’m on hasn’t gotten as bad as your experience. Sorry to hear that. Must have been exhausting and psychologically unsafe.

As for me, it’s a fairly new assignment and client so we’ve been having ongoing conversations to try to improve the working relationship as the shit snowball so to speak keeps rolling. Leadership’s well aware and are assisting in higher level convos to align on how to move forward in an amicable manner. I think both sides want this to work (big opportunity for everyone involved) so it’s a matter of identifying if this problematic leader is really going to continue with their aggressive habits. So far the rest of my team internally have expressed real concern since there’s a downward trend where this optimistic future may not work. I personally feel rundown already after a month. The project feels like damaged goods and won’t succeed to its fullest potential if that same toxic leader stays involved.

In the mean time, I am interested in looking for a new role, but not immediately. Overall, this company’s got a decent culture filled with good people, but they’ve made some missteps trying to build a design team on their own without a design exec, while every other department (design is isn’t very mature) is fully formed.

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