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The first few months to have this mindset is understandable. But even after 3 years if you still have it, then it means you're insecure. I'm sure you must have a past as well.
There's a reason their in the past. Your now. She wasn't born yesterday. Everyone has a past. Move forward or you'll lose her.
If she’s your soulmate, you won’t see her past as “worrisome” just because she had human experiences with others. If you truly loved her, you’d actually want them to have the best experience in all aspects of life *regardless of it being with or without you*. I agree that therapy could help.
Something in your brain is truly wrong to think that a woman with a human past is anything to cause you worry. She’s a human being not an accessory that has a limited use or value based on who’s touched her.
When the person I love tells me about their travel experiences before they met me, I get giddy seeing them glow retelling the stories. The best pasta they’ve ever had in that small Rome restaurant when they turned 19? AMAZING. I want to see pictures, I want them to retell the story when someone else brings up pasta.
I’ve never been to Italy in my life, but would love to one day. Regardless, I’m genuinely happy for them for having the best pasta ever in Italy. I’ll never get tired of their stories, even stories I wasn’t part of.
You and I love differently.
It’s called being an adult and going to therapy.
Chief
OP is looking for validation that they’re not insecure, rather than taking the opportunity to self reflect. This is rooted in deep insecurity.
Why ask us if you’re just going to shoot down any perspective that doesn’t validate you?
you already know why. you just said why he was asking.
cut her loose now while she still has time to find someone that will think better of her. If it bothers you that she has been with other men, then you have some insecurities to work on before being with any other women. You are only going to treat her as undeserving of you, and that is not how a woman should feel. They can sense that on you and it is affecting your relationship. Once you are stronger as a man, think about dating again.
I second this. Op isn’t actually ready for a relationship.
I remember being young enough to care about stuff like this. High school was rough.
Chief
Deep insecurity
I tell them they're wrong because they provide absolutely zero insight into why they are saying what they say. You provided some actual thought process and it made sense. So even if I disagree with you, I can at least understand your thought process and where you are coming from. My post was about providing insight in how other people may overcome similar thinking, not for a bunch of donkeys to be judgemental. I get it, I am the one posting so I need to be ready to see any and all types of replies. But it doesn't mean I need to sit back and say, "oh ok" because some idiot says you're insecure and calls it a day. You think I'm insecure? Ok, provide your logic behind it. Thanks for taking the time to actually provide your thoughts.
So you haven’t had sex with other people?
This. I'm sure this "paragon of virtue" is anything but.
Small pp?
I get what you're trying to do. No, I will not send you a dicpic lol
Whoa u sound controlling
How so? Because I'm trying to get advice from others on something that in my relationship I don't allow to be an issue? It's something in my head, I wanted to see how others might cope. There's nothing wrong in seeking out pointers.
I told my dude how many people I'd slept with and he was happy for me. Sex is healthy and fun for two consenting adults. You should seek therapy if this is something you dwell on.
"Sex is healthy and fun." No, not always. What kind of weird post is this. Not all of us accept hook up culture. Some of us take intimacy more seriously - promiscuity cheapens those feelings. Having standards and not getting with anyone willing is good - being a hoe, not so much. Before you try to twist things, I'm a woman and always found promiscuous guys to be a turnoff.
This thread is gonna end up in YouTube reaction videos. They'll be titled either "Glassdoor Cringe" or "Are the straights ok"
No, but for real, are the straights ok?
- Signed, a gay
She's with you now - that's all that matters.
If you "don't make it an issue or even bring it up" but her past still "eats at you" then maybe (if you haven't already) visualize you and your partner out and about and one of her exes bumps into her and there you are standing in front of that person. How do you think you'd handle that? Would you start comparing yourself to the ex? Idk....something to think about. But, it sounds like something you struggle with for sure.
Lol not you adding more trauma to OP.
So, it's ok that you were with other people? Just like men, women don't like getting with guys who have already been with other women. We deal with it. If she is your soul mate, as you say, what does it matter? Sounds more like you're insecure and not mentally ready for a relationship. Maybe you need to grow up some more?
lol you’re right OP, everyone else is an idiot and you’re the only smart one here 😌 makes total sense
You can’t change someone’s past but you can change how you feel about it.
You are looking for a lab monkey?
Imagine her next boy friend is Brad Pitt, what would he think about you?
Unless you're in highschool, you need to grow up
That is why it is called past what happened in her past should not be your concern you should only be concerned with her presently. Everyone has a past im sure no have too noone is perfect we are all flawed individuals.
@PM1 you’re a walking contradiction. You post up in a relationship forum about feeling a certain way about your significant other having a sexual past when that shouldn’t matter at all. Then proceed to call other idiots for responding that if her past bothers you it could be because of insecurities. Which one is it? Did you want a virgin instead because that’s what it sounds like to me? If you don’t want to hear the advice then perhaps find your marbles and speak to your woman directly about your concerns instead of asking for strangers opinions on your insecurities. Yes, we all have a past, yes there will always be someone that has more sexual prowess than you. That’s life, get over it.
How old are you? Were you a virgin when you met her? Case closed.