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Lmao E6 is senior manager/partner level, with a higher tech bar, and zero of the title inflation in your consulting gig. Meta is also tough.
I'm all for sharing chores, and you should probably talk to him about it, but his role isn't a cakewalk. Your relationship dynamics aside, he's in a role that far exceeds responsibilities of "consultant" and requires far far far more expertise. If it's straining the relationship maybe there could be a conversation about him taking a step back in the role or moving to a chill team if they exist.
Between a consultant and a senior partner y’all cannot afford a few childcare hours a week so you can at least both be clean and sit down at a table together?
If that is truly not possible, he needs to take some PTO and figure out what the end goal is for this road and how long it will take to get there. Because this sounds like a coronary event waiting to happen.
As others stated the other posts, I sometimes people seem to be finding it harder and harder to do the same work that they presumably have always done. There’s more multitasking in it, lowers your effective IQ and then you were able to do the work as well. I hear more and more people struggling to just keep up with the stuff that they always did. I don’t totally know why, but it could just be that something is changing and not everybody can do the same jobs that they used to do for some reason.
Maybe it’s just burn out or maybe it’s something more. If that’s the dimension of it would explain why he’s working so many more hours, if it’s not just more responsibility from work.
But as most of us in this company probably seen there are a ton of teams, being downsized, and no new people being added, and some similar amount of workload remaining. I agree with others to point out the companies market cap per employee is huge. Do the work you need to do and make sure that your covered for PSC but don’t kill yourself putting in more hours to solve things when the company could just hire more people and not really kill it’s valuation
Go Columbo, on him.
50/50 doesn't exist.. find that balance thats works for you and your family. If he's E6 hire some help with some of the chores where possible. The kids will enjoy later down the road but try to get through your difficulties now. Perhaps find how to get your own interests going some because..that really helps in the long run.
Expected E6 salary at Meta (not counting stock options, but including bonuses) is roughly 220k per year. You say your husband leaves for work at 0830 and gets back at 1800 hours -- 9.5 hours. I didn't catch where you live, but if it's either Los Angeles or the San Francisco Bay area, I'd expect that he has a 30 minute one-way commute (at least). That leaves him a half hour for lunch. And an 8 hour work day (though you say he works at night from home (3 more hours).
As a principal embedded software development engineer, I find myself with managerial/staff duties, too. And they can eat up time. So, the first thing your husband REALLY needs to do is learn to delegate. He should also consider getting in to work earlier (he is likely getting in around 9 am -- if he targeted getting in at 7 am, BEFORE A LOT OF THE OTHER ENGINEERS GET IN, he can get the daily managerial tasks (emails, schedules, manpower allocation, evaluation, etc.) out of the way before the inevitable meetings and interruptions begin. Then he can take an HOUR lunch break to decompress and still get out by 4 pm, so home by 4:30. And with that interruption and distraction free early morning, he'll likely need less (possibly zero) work at home time in the evening.
I'll admit that I tend towards half hour lunches myself (I bag my lunches so I don't have to spend time "wasted" waiting in a restaurant ... or even a fast food joint). But I target a 6:30 start time, so 3 pm is my "8 hours in" point. If necessary, I stay as late as I need to -- but when I leave for the day, I leave work behind ... at least for the rest of that one day. See if your husband can make some accommodation with Meta that allows him a life, if his hours are currently specified by the company.
And, he should consider leaving Meta for another company -- because it sounds like he's heading for burnout.
I was a department manager at a defense contractor for several years, and found myself working myself (figuratively, and perhaps literally) to death. I was putting in 12 hour days (in before the twenty engineers in my department, and always the last to leave) and still working Sundays to have all my reports and schedules ready to send off bright and early on Mondays. I got out before the stress killed me (the VP who hired me died not long after I left).
Don't let your husband kill himself. Talk to him...
Are you a stay at home mom or do you also work?
All I can think is you probably need family counseling. At some point one needs to start delegating based on priorities. The most important objectives: doing the best for the company in a professional role; and doing the best for domestic happiness on a personal level. Way back, Scot McNealy said “WLB is a myth”. I took it to mean that there’s no distinction between Work and Life and thus never worry about needing a balance. Many of us live as dual income families - definitely not just to pay the bills. On the matter of “household chores or daycare”, if one partner has OCD and the other is the polar opposite, there’s bound to be a lot of friction in getting things done. Ofc, this is an extreme case, but I hope you get the point. Communicate openly with empathy and work through it, in the end it will all be fine. Best of luck.
Oh hell no
Wow. I read many of your comments. He needs to put his foot down with HR and he needs to turn down meetings. I have a full calendar, like meetings from 8-4 everyday so I had to stop it by blocking my calendar, shifting priorities and setting firm boundaries. If he does not start he will be setting himself up for failure because this will always be the expectation of him.
Lot of concern for the OP, and their family life. That's nice. But almost no one answered her question in 39 comments. I was hoping for some Meta tea. Her question was: Is this normal for an E6 at Meta? (ie. 12ish hours, 7 days a week, for less than $650k). Would like to hear from someone at Meta or "elite tech" in general.
Does devoting his whole life to work make him happy? It'd make me miserable but I was raised to believe providing my family with a prosperous life was my main responsibility and defined my worth as a person.
Perhaps the best thing to do is to find the average salary he'd bring in if he worked at a place that had a more reasonable work/life balance, look up what you'd have to cut to accommodate the reduced pay responsibly, and tell him that those luxuries would be a small price to pay for his presence in your lives, as well as his ability to relax and live a less stressful life.
Of course there's also the fact that the market is absolute shit right now and jobs in the tech space are hard to come by, so you may just have to throw money at hiring someone else to do chores in the meantime.
Yeah, I bet his health has gotten worse as well.
This is not sustainable.
I have heard this is typical E6 treatment.
You should have an honest discussion about what values he has, you have, what goals and dreams you both have. Do not be threatening or gripey. Do it with curiosity and his best interest in mind.
What about your best interest? Well, in this case, the discussion is going to be about him, and you need to be his life coach. That is what coaches do.
I live in the greater Seattle area. I have friends who work at Meta. I see how they stress out. I know a friend who quit and just took time off, to get his health back - physical and mental.
I know he is making bank, and maybe he feels that that is his duty; his contribution. A very serious, yet non-threatening conversation needs to be had.
My wife, some years ago, once we became empty-nesters, asked me: "what are your dreams?"
My jaw went slack. We were busy raising kids. What dreams? It was all duty and work. The only hope/goal was the get these kids stood up and purposed. And we did.
And now she is asking me about dreams? It like that scene in Fiddler on the Roof. "Do you love me?" Well, OK then.
I hope for you the best.
Maybe he wants to get away from you
Nope he spends his days with his feet on the desk watching Tik-Tok videos. He's probably using his extra time to bang interns instead of doing chores 50/50. That's one of the questions on the meta interview panel. To pass you have to prove there is no way you do chores at home
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You stated that you couldn't take a shower and eat dinner for 3 days due to taking care your kids; are you working from home with the kids? If not, why not take a shower before you start cooking dinner like you mentioned that you normally do. If your husband has a job that required for him to work long hours why are you focusing on him not doing 50/50 chores and babysitting? You need to stop focusing on the negative things.
e6 makes 600k+. consultant at least 150k+. so 750k+. hire a cook, a cleaner and a babysitter. you suddenly have at least an extra 3-4hrs a day.
does he absolutely need to attend all meetings? I'm thinking he doesn't participate in many of those meetings.
I swear I saw this same story in a Reddit AITA post.
It's normal for me. But idk tbh.
I work 896 for more than 10 years already and there is nothing wrong with it.
Maybe I'd say that your husband should consider hybrid working which I believe META allows it.
I’d love to provide him an opportunity to make money on the side