This may be a hot take - but as a younger person, working with parents of small kids (especially new parents) is so frustrating. I frequently find myself responsible for picking up the slack due to their family commitments - it’s also somehow completely socially acceptable for kids to barge into zoom meetings screaming. I wouldn’t find it nearly as bothersome if I felt like leadership and parent colleagues took my issues and non work commitments seriously in addition to that of parents and kids

OP is rather short sighted on its view of the world. Having children and raising the future generation is no small task, and very difficult to balance between a professional career and being good parents, ESPECIALLY if both parents are working. Yet it is critical for our society to have loving, caring and PRESENT parents that will raise an emotionally mature next generation. Having kids interrupt your zoom meeting or you “pick up the slack” for your parent colleagues is a byproduct of our society pretending we can fit it all in, when in reality parents are just trying to get by each day hoping they won’t majorly screw up their parenting or their professional careers. Add to that un-empathetic people like you and it just makes it that much harder.

I agree that you shouldn’t need to “take the slack”, but until our cost structure of delivering professional services doesn’t “bake in” inefficiencies due to parenting, others will continue having to pick up the slack.

I see it a bit like having not having health insurance. There are negative externalities to parents having to pretend they can function like a single person that are felt by the children, colleagues and employers.

We need to redefine what productivity looks like for working parents, akin to redefining labor laws (I.e fire escapes, 8 hours working days) to invest into our future generation while not letting others feel the grunt of the work, but spreading it out more evenly.

I am not sure if anyone here has ever read or signed a telework agreement. If you have ever worked for a federal contractor or the federal government, you’ll see this written: “telework is no substitute for child care”. Federal law doesn’t even call for work breaks. Work is continuous delivery and assumes robotic abilities. For years, we parents have made life and career decisions based on these policies and assumptions. As a manager, I had to remind my employees of these policies, which I did not write but was expected to enforce. COVID changed things for parents, but I don’t think anyone has rewritten those agreements yet. Customer delivery expectations have not changed. I see both points of views. But I also know that many parents have given up careers because they could not afford child care, and because their employers and their customers were not flexible. Being a parent is expensive, parental leave is a joke in a majority of companies, and American work culture is inherently biased against parenting. It took a pandemic to start a change, but we are not there yet. Again, I understand why someone would feel it’s unfair. But parents also work very hard. It is not true that they are rewarded for working less. And we are all lucky we can even work from home. Many can’t. But how about we level the playing field? The cost of child care is atrocious. This country has enough wealth to figure this out and make it easier for everyone to both live and make life.

I find it frustrating for different reasons. Whenever they have some unexpected family commitment, it’s seen as okay and accepted. When I have an unexpected commitment that doesn’t involve kids, it’s immediately dismissed.

There’s definitely an element of boundary-setting, but I think a lot of people here are overlooking things and oversimplifying. “Just say no” - how’s that gonna go for a 22 year old analyst hoping to make a good first impression? It’s more complex than that. And sorry, parents, hate to break it to you, but not everyone makes having children the center of their world. I’m happy to be flexible within reason, but you don’t just get to assume that I’ll pick up your work while you take care of the kids from 5-bedtime because your nanny left. I get that it’s hard, but it’s extremely disrespectful to your colleagues. I am adamant that my personal time is just as valuable as yours even if it isn’t occupied by childcare.

I agree with you OP. I think the solution is more parental leave + free national daycare.

I hear you. I personally hate that other people don’t prioritise me over themselves, their goals, lives and children

My perspective is that this whole WFH thing has made people much more accepting of all commitments and distractions. Dogs, cats, kids, roommates. People just expect them. Have a nonwork commitment mid-day? Fine, just make up the workload elsewhere I actually think the pandemic made this better balanced, honestly.

Word of the day: Empathy

I agree that we should have a more generous parental leave policy as a society. Glad you're on board with this, too!

This screams 22 y/o analyst

Sure, I mean raising a small human is really not as important and certainly not more important than other personal obligations.

As a parent of young children whose school has been closed due to Covid and extreme weather, trust me…we feel the same irritation you do about our children barging in on zoom calls or having to be on the road to pick them up during calls and meetings. We feel it in being seen as less professional and not carrying our weight. We already feel guilty for being stretched thin…it’s even worse when you’re a mother and the requirements tend to fall more heavily on you.

As someone above said, empathy is key…give your team members with young children grace because the roles could easily be reversed.

Gosh!!! THANK YOU. I am literally on the end of my tether with this situation as well. My co-worker is constantly OOO due to the child being sick at home or my coworker catching something from the kid. And when I say constantly, I mean literally constantly!1!1!!!: there for four days, off sick for 2,5 weeks, there for two days, off sick for 1 week again. On the days she’s in, she only works until 5 pm. I just found out that she actually officially works full-time and is staffed on 100%. What am I doing then 300%?!?? There are absolutely no consequences whatsoever. I’d like a freaking private life too and I cannot cope with having such a disadvantage only bc I don’t have kids.

Just don't help them if it's that much of an issue, refer to your other commitments.

You're annoyed by kids barging into Zoom meetings? Grow up.

The stuff you’re picking up the slack on doesn’t matter

Seriously, in five years, that proposal you worked on all night that didn’t win has no impact on your career

All those slides you worked on that got moved to the appendix just won’t matter

Man some of y'all are on some really shitty teams. Establish your boundaries early on any project.

Grew up in the firm.
- When I was single, 6pm and later was sacred to socialize and workout.
- While dating/married, sacred for spending time with my spouse.
- Now I have kids, same as before but for different reasons obviously.

ESTABLISH YOUR BOUNDARIES OR FIND A BETTER PROJECT!!! IT IS NOT HARD

I don't know what OP is talking about. I have no care responsibilities, but others on my team have, and I have not found their efforts or output lacking at all. They may require a little flexibility around pickup/dropoffs, day care etc, but they have been just as productive as the rest of us over a week's time.

lol a bunch of you need to get over yourselves. If you think that these parents are just taking it easy and having “a personal life” by taking care of their kids while also juggling deliverables then you’re not understanding and certainly incapable of sympathizing.

Not a hot take. Sounds like a you problem, you aren’t setting boundaries and prioritizing what is important to you. If you have a commitment, make it known and go for it. As someone else said, the “slack” you’re picking up I’m sure isn’t that important.

Of course it is socially acceptable in this era, we have been in a pandemic with no childcare or school for 2 years, what do you expect people to do?

Hope you don’t have to deal with this situation should you decide to have children in the future. Just in case you don’t, my children will be there to support your social security.

As someone a bit older (close to 40 now) and without kids, OP is 99% correct. There is a “penalty” to pay to be child free. Not only do you never get weeks of leave for a personal decision but you have to continuously pickup the workload of those who do. Having children is a choice (most of the time) and I believe that one persons choices should not infringe on another person. We justify this by saying that having kids provides a societal benefit, which as it may, but still seems very non-equitable from the child free lens. I have many use cases over the years of people borderline abusing parental leave policies to have huge families.