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Rising Star
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OP is rather short sighted on its view of the world. Having children and raising the future generation is no small task, and very difficult to balance between a professional career and being good parents, ESPECIALLY if both parents are working. Yet it is critical for our society to have loving, caring and PRESENT parents that will raise an emotionally mature next generation. Having kids interrupt your zoom meeting or you “pick up the slack” for your parent colleagues is a byproduct of our society pretending we can fit it all in, when in reality parents are just trying to get by each day hoping they won’t majorly screw up their parenting or their professional careers. Add to that un-empathetic people like you and it just makes it that much harder.
I agree that you shouldn’t need to “take the slack”, but until our cost structure of delivering professional services doesn’t “bake in” inefficiencies due to parenting, others will continue having to pick up the slack.
I see it a bit like having not having health insurance. There are negative externalities to parents having to pretend they can function like a single person that are felt by the children, colleagues and employers.
We need to redefine what productivity looks like for working parents, akin to redefining labor laws (I.e fire escapes, 8 hours working days) to invest into our future generation while not letting others feel the grunt of the work, but spreading it out more evenly.
PM1 - Imbalance in expertise isn’t a good analogy. No one in that situation is “sacrificing” or reprioritizing their own activities.
Your second example is indicative of the exact problem and attitude that your childfree colleagues have an issue with. Good to know you took exactly zero from this discussion 👌
Thank you!! Somehow it’s socially acceptable to be gone at 5 to pick up kids, have dinner with your kids, etc but I can’t really say out loud that I have Pilates at 5 or want to cook dinner
Chief
Yeah. And those of us at more senior levels earned our flexibility by busting our butts when we were associates and senior associates.
I’ve faced the same challenge for a long time as my husband and I decided to not have kids. I’ve systematically documented my hours vs my peers for over 10 years when I initially got frustrated with this. I then leveraged this to get significant raises / promotions. I never walk into a review without this spreadsheet. I frame it as “the value I bring to the firm” instead of making it personal or about kids. I also have examples of the firm needing to replace me with 1-3 people when I’ve rolled off past projects. This has frequently allowed my employers to charge a higher ADR for me than my peers too.
I suggest you take a similar approach focused on the extra value you provide, instead of blaming people who have made different life choices than you.
This dude's sigma grindset is on fleek
if younger person =new hire don’t expect to have the same level of sway as someone with more YOE or at a higher position than you.
I agree with you OP - as someone who is older without kids, I find it frustrating when child-related obligations supersede non-child related ones. There’s an unwritten rule that says parents get more leeway. That said, I don’t care anymore. Put the time on your calendar and make sure your own obligations are a priority. If you don’t make them a priority, no one else will. And honestly, parents have it rough. They are judged all the time (one end for making kids a priority, other end for making work a priority, etc), so don’t make it about them - make it about your response.
Chief
Intrigued at first, but after reading comments, I’m filing this one under: “I’d like to do less and get paid more and I’m unhappy that others are beating me at it.”
Could I realistically have a fake kid. Would anybody find out? Lmao
I got ripped into shreds in the Mom bowl for this comment a couple of months ago for this - good luck!
They refused to see our side of things as a single female with no children.
The accommodations they receive is mind blowing and they still complain. My collegue literally had the nerve to say she catches up on work while I’m (she assumes) sleeping at night. I said it’s easy to catch up when you don’t have to manage your time with email/IM pings, pop up meetings, last minute request, calls, etc!!!
She had nothing to say. 🙄
Meh, we’re all professionals we shouldn’t be policing each other in terms of who is clocking in and when, it should be based on the quality of our work.
I have two young kids and set boundaries with work accordingly. I also typically do a little work every evening while watching tv, Netflix, etc. That being said, I’m still much better at my job than most of my peers mainly because I work smarter not harder. Sure, some boomer antique MDs and SMs give me the side eye when I sign off at 5PM, but I can still run circles around them professionally 9 out of 10 times.
People who just work to work are clowns. In school, if one person had to study twice as hard to get the same grade, we didn’t hold the rest of the class accountable.
Also, to the folks who feel slighted because they have to work harder to carry their parent coworkers… maybe you should just… stop? No one is making you pick up the “slack” (although I’m sure it’s just perception and you’re not actually doing anything extra, just salty you didn’t set boundaries). Get a hobby, go exercise, take a walk, meditate… at the end of the day you’re not going to end up much further ahead than the rest of us.
You have the power to say no
This is why we need to go back to a one working parent model. Could be either mother or father. 🙃
Lots of other dynamics at play then, but rents and mortgages were also a lot cheaper in the past too.
People were paid larger salaries, as they were intended to support an entire family. With two working parents, employers can pay less and know that people would still take it.
Feels like somebody is complaining about me 😂. I usually manage my time by dedicating the day towards meetings and activities that need collaboration with my colleagues. Since I sign out by 5-6pm vs. my colleagues at 7-8 pm, I compensate by working for a couple of hours later at night once the kids have slept. This is usually my work where I am not dependent on anyone. It’s not perfect, but this way I am at least 80-90% as productive prior to having kid(s). And, it isn’t everyday that I can do this as fatigue does creep in. Of course this does impact my career trajectory as there is no way I can keep up with the hyper productive lot of my peers. But it’s a hit I took (and will continue to take) for a 3-5 year period in my career. But that is personally acceptable to me rather than the alternate of not having kids or having kids really really late in life.
On a slightly different note, the COVID crisis has kinda helped during this period as I don’t need to be full time at work unlike before where everyone was in the office from 9am to 8pm!
Same, I sign out then check my emails etc. later on in the day. I am also online and start my work day much earlier than my colleagues who can sleep in and roll out of bed and show up whenever.
Sorry you had this experience. Might be a product of poor functioning teams. But I will not apologize for raising a child during a pandemic and putting the needs of my family over work. If that means others pick up the slack temporarily so be it because we all pick each other up on my team
I don’t understand where you work… what kind of team norms do you have? I mean never had these issues > and I work both with clients with kids and on my team. We just establish norms for when is kid / baby time and everyone respects it.
I think the frustration comes from the lack of upfront norms and planning of the work, probably something you want to speak to team leadership
Chief
Once went out to dinner with our team and everybody put down their cards except one person who claim that they didn’t have to put down a card because they were single parent.
On the flipside I’ve had colleagues who have been extremely available throughout the day and willing to pick up the slack for other people who I later learned had young children,
Op, it just sounds like you have awful coworkers who are taking advantage of you.
Wow a lot of sourpuss jackasses on this thread LOL. A bunch of parents committed a serious mistake giving birth to THESE folks.
Pro
OP has a lot of growing up to do. Sad.
I see both sides and agree. I had a kid in 2021, so I know how super efficient I was WFH in 2020 and what a train wreck it is in 2022.
The issue is company culture and market culture. WLB matters, whether thats kids pick up or a zumba class at 5:30. But until companies allocate resources better and prioritize balance, nothing is going to change.
Rising Star
Schools and daycares are closing left and right these days due to Covid. Even the masked and vaxxed ones. People have no other options and are trying their hardest.
Nobody hates trying to juggle kids and work more than the parents on the other line. Would you have to pick up more slack if they just called out for 2 weeks at a time every month or two?
Rising Star
Honestly I doubt I would be able to mentally handle my 2 year old without regular exercise. They are frustrating and parents need mental and physical health outlets.
The need for personal time/WLB needs to be respected for everyone. That said, for emergency type things it's certainly valid for leadership to weigh "importance ". Taking care of a sick child or parent isn't the same as your favorite stylist having an unexpected opening, even if it may be the most important thing to you, in your life, at that time. While respecting what's important to individuals is import to making employees feel valued and should be done whenever possible, triage is a thing in business just like in medicine and given a finite resource, the collapsed lung gets attention before the broken finger, even if the broken finger is the most important thing to the person who's finger it is. Have a bit of self awareness and realize things in your life may not be as objectively important as others. Gonna complain about an organ transplant team getting your seat on a flight too?
I thought there was a mutual agreement to chain our kids to iPads
It's a cycle, you pick up slack now for some one, some one is going to pick up your slack later - best way to build good karma.
I thought this generation was all about good vibes and being tolerant. Looks like your parents will have to check out early to change your diapers from all your complains 🤣🤣🤣
Honestly, if you can’t handle the job and your parenting responsibilities you need to get a new job to get more balance. I’d bet almost anyone here can make these trade offs they just don’t want to. You’re not entitled to a $300k+ job in a great city and a great family. I respect people who want to “have it all” but don’t try to get it at the expense of others
PwC 3 - people who want high paying jobs that require long hours should be prepared to outsource their childcare obligations to others or have a spouse/partner that’s willing to make the trade off to provide childcare.
There’s no “right” choice, but if you’re not pulling your weight because you’re dealing with childcare you need to evaluate which is more important and adjust your lifestyle accordingly.
Rising Star
Parent. I take my flexibility and observe boundaries and never advertise it’s for my kids. It’s in my calendar, I don’t announce it, don’t ask for permission. Lots of people probably don’t even know I have them.
What does this mean? You can too; if you can get comfortable with not responding to every.little.thing to the nth degree, and any attendant performance slowdowns, which I have accepted.