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It sounds like you need to share our rotate tasks
I agree with this take. Yall need to rotate and really understand how much time and effort it takes to complete the tasks other the spouse is responsible for. That would give you a different perspective and have a better understanding of what each other brings to the table. You both seem too focused on what you do while ignoring what the other does which creates resentment…and as someone else mentions below…resentment kills relationships.
Communicate and check in regularly. Listen to your partner. Be open - resentment kills relationships.
Have you guys talked about getting a housekeeper & then cooking meals together so it’s something you both evenly do?
Good ideas! We have dogs in the house so would make things tricky with a housekeeper but I like the cooking together suggestion. Thank you!
We both work full time and we have an agreement, mostly. He takes care of the outside of the house (lawn, garden, shoveling snow, etc.) and I take care of the inside (trash, laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc.). There are times that we both struggled with mental health issues, so one will pick up where the other can't, and vice versa. There are times where I've needed grace, and times where he's needed it. We don't keep score, but rather have the mentality of serving one another in love. My love language is acts of service, his is too. It works out nicely.
Perfect way to put it - don’t keep score!
There is definitely layers to this. Being you both have high-stress careers, neither of you probably has the energy for high level communication or the actual chores/roles at home. Prioritize the communication and actually see if each other is happy with the current lifestyle. It’s easy to fall into routines and take each other for granted. If one or both aren’t happy, it’s time to talk about changes. Hire someone to clean if it fits the budget. Prioritize your relationship with each other… think dates, vacations, and solutions to the daily routines. If this doesn’t help, one of you may need to sacrifice their career (only if this makes sense AND both of you willingly agree to it… if not there will be resentment). Just my two cents, hope you find a solution that is best for your family!
My wife and I go through periods where schedules get hectic for long periods since we have a teenager in sports and activities and work can lead to late evenings. There is a lot to manage and the communication definitely suffers. The key is to recognize and address it so both of you feel heard and know you are still wanted. If there is no communication, negative thoughts can creep in but manifest themselves in different ways… aka resentment about chores/cooking/planning etc. Just talk and trust that you and your spouse want the best outcomes for the family!
Sounds like you need to get some help with cleaning duties if you can afford a housekeeper and alternate on meals.
We got help with cleaning bathrooms, linens, deep clean kitchen and all floors, windows.
Best investment in our mutual happiness.
Seriously just do once a month to start if $ is a problem.
We just started and loving a monthly house cleaner JUST for our bathrooms and kitchen and it’s a catalyst to us taking ownership everywhere else. It’s an investment and such a relief when it’s done.
Share tasks and adjust as needed.
Together we meal plan/prep on Sundays to make our weekdays easier. On Sunday the menu is established and we run our grocery errands. Breakfast and lunch for the week are prepped so we're only cooking dinners M-F. During the week, I usually cook and he'll do the dishes but we adjust/swap if necessary.
We split house-cleaning chores, he does floors throughout the house, I do surfaces. For the yard, he does mowing and edging, i tend to the garden and water most of the time. We each do our own laundry.
We both work a lot and get busy so we find that making a list of the chores that need to get done and individually checking them off as we find a few minutes to tackle them throughout the week works. If one of us has a particularly busy week, then the other steps in and does a little extra. It's all about mutual respect and understanding that we are both busy individuals sharing a household.
Another tip: whenever i make a soup, stew, or chili, I make extra and freeze it. This is particularly helpful during those especially busy weeks where I don't have time to cook and neither does he. We also keep Kevin's meals on hand for when we need something that we can throw together in under 10 minutes. This relieves a lot of stress and allows us to be a bit more flexible when needed.
This is great! Thank you!!
Talk to them about it and try to make good on the plans to switch things up so neither of you feels resentful. Maybe alternate every day for a few weeks to see if that makes a difference.
How old are you both? My wife and I had a lot of trouble with that in our 20s. In our 30s, while our kids were little it was worse. We’re mid-40s now and have been rotating chores between all of us for a long time. It regularly is frustrating and often there is stuff no one wants to do, but we’ve gotten much better at making everyone responsible.
We’re in our late thirties. Definitely something we should’ve learned earlier on but here we are! Haha!
I think it’s an hours game. If one spouse spends the equivalent of the others time spent on the home tasks at work, i think it’s unfair to ask for more. However, if their schedule slows down/balances with the other spouse, then absolutely split even. Consider this - 50/50 isn’t always 50/50. Can be 80/20, 20/80, 65/35… capacity and needs change. Need be respectful of that fluctuation in both directions.
This is a different perspective. Thank you for providing!!!
Keep a cook and helper to clean. Why being so dramatic
Hire help if you can afford to! If not, I have a two-story home and sometimes my husband and I will rotate who is responsible for upstairs chores and who is responsible for downstairs chores. My husband does all the cooking so I do dishes and general after-meal cleanup, which I think is a fair trade-off.