Work drinking culture help please: I come from a family of abusive alcoholics. Both granddads died from alcoholism related health issues. I am the only person in my family without an unhealthy (cont)

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Yes. Decline the drinks. You are doing the right thing for yourself. Your colleagues discomfort about your lack of drinking is THEIR problem, not yours. I have been at this a long time and discovered those who complain about my lack of drinking seem to have a little problem with the bottle themselves ....

like

Honestly, if I were in your shoes - I'd be direct as hell and say you have addicts in your family and that's why you approach alcohol with a very strict discipline.

I've known people who don't drink for religion, for past reliance, and other reasons. I love to get drunk with people and am probably one of those folks who would try to get you drunk (although I'm semi-perceptive to back off if I think there's an underlying reason), but I back off 100% when things like that come up.

like
Recent IconRecent

You do not owe them any explanation.

like

dependence on alcohol and it is because I strictly moderate my drinking: no alcohol during the week and 2 drinks max at Friday happy hour.

My team has a huge issue with this for some reason and is constantly egging me to drink more, ordering drinks for me at team dinner without my approval and fussing when I don’t drink them, ordering me shots and egging me to take them, constantly getting in my case and just being complete assholes. It gives me flash backs to the abuse I dealt with in my family and it is making me hate my job.

I don’t care if they want to drink their lives away and I don’t care if they think I’m weird for not drinking a lot. But the amount of peer pressure and instigating they are putting on my is so absurd and I am so miserable despite loving my job and the work I do. Obviously I do not want to tell these people about my personal circumstances and past trauma as I can see it getting spread around the company and I’d rather not have everyone gossiping about that. Has anyone ever dealt with anything similar? Any advice? Is there any hope for someone like me to be successful in consulting?

like

And no, you don't owe them an explanation - but I think if you're direct you'll get more respectful behavior.

like

Sounds like your team is lame and immature. Sorry you have to deal with that shit.

like

Just say you don't drink during the week. It's a personal preference. People do that all the time and we understand it.

like

OP - sorry to hear your story and what you’ve had to endure. I too have loved ones who have suffered from the effects of alcoholism and I myself am not a big drinker. What works for me is usually a simple “nope - I’m good. Thanks though.” If they talk about you just smile and laugh it off. At the end of the day, you know why you’re doing what you’re doing, it’s commendable, and it’s no one else’s business. If it gets to the point where the bullying is absuive and too much to take, have a voice to voice conversation with the leader on your project as to why you don’t feel comfortable drinking and could do without the namecalling/bullying from peers. They should understand. If they don’t, find another project or take it to HR so it’s documented in the event you have to sue them for workplace harassment.

like

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. In my opinion, I think if you shared your reason for not drinking, your teammates would respect that and leave it alone. I don’t know your firm culture, but that’s not something people would really gossip about. If they do, maybe that’s not the right firm. At most, I could see someone mentioning it to another coworker if that other coworker asked why you weren’t drinking. But all you have to do is ask your team to keep it among your team.

I had a teammate who told me he used to drink but doesn’t now and that was the end of the conversation. He came to dinners, hung out at happy hours - it was no big deal. If your teammates are still peer pressuring you and making the social environment uncomfortable, I would talk to your senior manager/partner/counselor. We’re all adults. Drinking is not a job requirement. And peer pressure amounts to bullying.

like

Your just being passive af. Just tell people your genetically predisposed to alcoholism, nobody will care after. So many people with all types of dietary restrictions and I've never heard of any team forcing them to eat anything they don't want. You treat it like this deep dark secret, get over yourself people just don't give a fuck. We get shit faced and go to the club's with our Indian coworkers that don't drink, but they already told us why.

like

If you want to go out with them, tell a short & sweet version of the truth. If you don’t, then screw them. My husband is an alcoholic & I don’t drink anymore because of it. Gave up on caring what other people think of me not drinking a long time ago. It’s a real issue that too many people don’t come out about because they’re embarrassed, which is total BS. It’s one of the most rampant issues in society, but it’s all hush hush. You may actually help someone by being up front about this. Like you said, someone in the group might have an issue. Certainly not your job to council them, by why hide it- you’re not the alcoholic.

like

I'm in your same boat. I don't drink for personal reasons. When people try to force me, I politely tell them I'm fine and don't want a drink. If they insist, I look at them directly and say "seriously, I'm good. Thank you though." And end with a semi smile. If they still don't get it, I get up and walk away, or ignore them completely when they refer to drinks. They usually get the hint and shut up about it

like

OP I think you just say “no thanks, I like to keep it to one or two”. That’s it. I do it all the time. Don’t make up anything. Also don’t worry about/ judge what the others are doing (that’s their choice just like not drinking is yours). Try not to read too much into your teammates sending you drinks - just don’t drink them - I’m sure they don’t mean anything by it other than to try to include you in what’s going on - don’t hold it against them. Try to set up a team event that lends itself to less drinking such as bowling, a cooking class, one of those escape games, etc. I suspect you’ll enjoy their company better at that type of event. I wouldn’t try to change teams over this, there will be elements of this on all teams, in all companies, and in all industries - it’s much worse in many other industries.

Last thought on this: Unless there is something else that you aren’t telling us, I was surprised that you said that you consider somebody sending you a drink a “violation of trust” since that implies that you have confided something to one or more of the people that is doing so. Is there something else going on?

like

I feel like I shouldn’t have to owe this explanation and have to dig into my past trauma just to catch a break with these people. Especially since they have absolutely shattered any trust or respect from me

Such stories do get around because I’ve heard them myself from others gossiping.

like

I’d ask them “what part of “no” don’t you understand?” with a smirk. Should shut them up.

like

No need to come up with a medical reason if this project will go on for a while. Just say no for personal reasons and leave it at that. I would also consider bringing this up in a sober setting - trying to say no when folks are drunk is also a losing battle if your coworkers aren’t accepting

like

I’m just so sorry you’re dealing with this. How frustrating. Keep doing whatever is best for you. Hug!

like

OP - I don’t drink for personal reasons and I know a partner in my practice who does not drink. So stand firm. If your team does not understand, then tell them firmly to respect your boundaries. If your manager is doing it, talk to him one-on-one, and take it up with your CC or PML. And then if it does not stop raise it to your partner and then HR.

Drop a burner if you want to talk.

like

PwC4 asking the hard questions...
You don’t have to lie OP, and you shouldn’t have to. This sounds like a good opportunity to have an “I feel... when you...” conversation with the manager/loudest voice of the group. Assuming they’re not a total asshat of a human being, once you bring it to light how much it bothers you in a one-on-one conversation, I suspect the bullying will stop. That being said, it sounds like your project is full of immature a-holes, so who knows? Sorry you have to deal with that.

like

PWC4 valid question, I worded it poorly. Distrust is due to the fact that they tend to gossip about other people’s personal issues so I know they would do the same about me. Lack of respect due to the constant back and forth and making a fuss about me not drinking. It’s not just that they buy me drinks but it’s demanding I take the drink and then throwing a huge fuss when I don’t drink it even though this has happened a million times before...

like

Related Posts

Would love to work towards “Chief Culture Officer” - focusing mostly on the employee experience.

Acknowledging it’s not super common - what does this role pay? (Boston based)

like

Anyone have any experience working for the Penn State Health system? Or UPMC?

like

Random question but do you let your kids hang out in your bedroom and use your master bath if applicable? My kids always seem to want to use our bathroom instead of theirs and my spouse doesn't care but I grew up with my parent's room basically being off limits and think I'd prefer it that way.

like

Daycare closed due to Bay Area shelter-in-place restrictions: so we're doing Zoom meetings to have our preschoolers say hi to each other! It breaks my heart when they say they miss each other...

like

Hi , how siemens advanta Bangalore ?
Work culture

like

Got an offer from Baker Hughes for a senior role. Trying to understand how the work culture is, work life balance outlook and how are the benefits? How is the transition like from a big4 consulting to industry?

like

Hi everyone, I'm knew here. I was wondering if anyone had any idea what salary are like at ViiV Healthcare? I'm considering applying for a role there. Thanks

like

For experienced accounting professionals considering a transition into a career with solid work/life balance, a fast-growing biotech company near San Francisco is hiring for a SOX Compliance Manager and Senior Accountant/Manager roles. Roles pay well over $100k.

Generous benefits, fun company culture, and VERY favorable stock options. Message me if interested, and I will try to screen you for an interview!

What are the best healthcare companies to try to get in at? I live in Atlanta but I’m also open to remote. I have a health science degree and currently work at a smaller healthcare company on the corporate side in the revenue cycle. I’m open to any options I am just looking to get out of the company I’m at now because there isn’t much room for growth. Thanks in advance for any advice!

like

Could anyone tell me what it’s like to work in Goldman Sachs? How’s the work life culture in Operations such as asset management, market making etc? What’s the best thing about Goldman Sachs when compared to its competitors?

like

This is my first job in a large corporate company, and I’m trying to gauge how long it normally takes to move from entry level to another internal position in the insurance industry. I have been applying internally for a year now and I am wondering if this is normal or if my company is just slow? I am a top performer, with great metrics, and I have some wonderful connections I’ve made who support me. I just can’t seem to move up. How long did it take you to move up? How many tries did it take?

like

Hoping someone can share insight into EY’s FSO practice. Just was offered a manager role in a Tier 1 city, and want a better understanding on culture and overall happiness 5 YOE (all in FP&A)

like

First-gen and new hire in my first job. Vyvanse was typically covered under my parents’ insurance but now I’m looking to sign up for (my first) health insurance plan with my employer. I’m worried if Vyvanse will be fully covered or not. Anything I should look out for?

like

Confidence shook! Help! Career coach hired, but I was told by a HH my chronological resume should be re-worked into a functional resume. I’ve been with my firm since 2003, in my current dept since 2011 with a few promotions since, but the job didn’t change that much as my title grew except for more $$. My mental health has taken a toll & the WLB hasn’t been very balanced at all in recent years. I need to get out & haven’t really looked for a job in almost 20 years.

Thoughts? Encouragement?

like

Hi all, I’m looking to re-enter the workforce. I had to take a career pause @ the beginning of the pandemic because I had a child. I have 5+ years of experience in life science (bench top, pathology in a hospital, startup, and most recently clinical research). I’d like to make a slight pivot into a health informatics, clinical data or data analytics position but I’m also open to non clinical research positions like regulatory/quality assurance etc. Does anyone have any recommendations? TIA

like

Having my weekly crisis here. I feel like I’ve ruined my career by doing insurance defense at the same firm for 8 years. I’ve been aggressively job hunting for six months in this state, I previously took the bar in another state and was job hunting there for over a year. I haven’t had anything come up. The only options seem to be the miserable sweatshop ID shops everyone says to steer clear from. Thinking about a career change to selling cars so I can make more money. Really having a meltdown

likefunny

Travel and colocation are ramping back up. Finding it hard to get steps in. Hotel gyms don't have barbells and only have dumbbells up to 50 lb. How does the barbell crew here get heavy lifting in more than just on weekends?

like

Need some encouragement: 1. my husband just resigned from his job as it was beginning to give him mental health challenges and even put him in counseling. I am now the only income producing person. 2.I haven’t been tithing in a couple years (mainly bc I moved to seattle and haven’t found a church home…Covid didn’t help). 2. Leaving amazon for a better paying job that God blessed me with, at a great time. I don’t have the margin to tithe but know I need to. If you’ve been in this sitch, advice?

like

Hello, I am looking for an entry level position in HR and/or administration. I have a degree in HR. I have previously worked in the banking industry as a personal banking representative and underwriting assistant at an insurance company. Can anyone tell me about any job openings or refer me for a role?

like

Has anyone transitioned from an insurance company (I’m currently with Anthem/Elevance)? I currently work in Medicare/Medicaid quality (I have a BS in Health Education) and wanting to make the switch into a consulting role. Looking for advice and/or leads. Thanks!!

like

More Posts

likeuplifting

How do you judge if a headline is good or not? When I look at lines, I see an idea there but it’s petty straight forward, so I suggest to the writer to add a twist to it. Cont...

like

Hi all, how long did it take for you to get to equity partner after MBA? Where you in MBB pre-MBA?

like

What is the difference between PWC SDC Bangalore and PWC SDC Kolkata?

I am not getting it. Can anyone please help.

like

Dear sharks, one of my friends is looking for an automation testing job, preferably remote - at least for 6 months. Really need your help. selenium, TestNG, maven, core java, manual testing, page object model. Experience: 5.8 years. Relevant: 3.2 years. CTC:5.7LPA, ECTC: 8LPA. Thanks

IMMEDIATE JOINER

like

I’m assisting a wife enforce (not modify) a judgment of dissolution and wondering best way to frame petition to enforce. Husband is responsible for a mortgage on the residence and has ignored his obligation to hold the wife harmless and indemnify her from it, and she now has to pay it in bankruptcy. Does it make sense to ask court to enforce by order requiring husband to pay what wife has paid and secondarily seeking contempt and to purge husband has to submit to citation to discover assets?

like

Any IBM partners out there?

like

Has anyone been part of an Employee Resource Group (or any other group, for that matter) that has a role in vetting outside vendors? Our Latinx ERG recently organized opposition to a vendor with ties to ICE (successfully!), but we'd love to put a process in place that doesn't require constant vigilance on our part to make sure our company doesn't hire vendors that hurt our community.

like

Currently not in the agency world (taking a year off). If I’m gunning for an August 1st return to full-time, when should I start looking for work?

I’m getting ready for a half-day interview next week, it’s going to be three 1-hr. Interviews and it’s getting to me, any advice on how to prepare myself? Or calm my anxiety.

If job posting pay was $36.66 hourly (no
range) what would be an acceptable offer
and counter offer?

like

Flying without status is a punishment that I avoid unless it involves me getting laid or amazing food.

like

obligatory post: how will COVID impact human capital? The types of work we do, factors in making a healthy organization, etc.

like

Tips for getting out of a quarantine-induced funk? It’s been a tough week...and it’s only Monday

like

Has anyone taken the sphr exam?

like

Friendly reminder: IRA contribution limit increased from $5500 to $6000 in 2019. Make sure to update those automatic contribution amounts!

likesmart

Is there any one recently interviewed in EY india.

Today I get a call from HR. she collected the details and told ll get back to you.

so basically when I ll expec the interview?
Is it normal or not consider my profile because I have 90 days notice period.

like

Anyone use edgenuity? I'm starting Monday with students, never been trained, no guidance. Don't know how to set expectations if I don't know. ice breaker ideas? I'm not in my classroom.. media center.

Mindtree Hi Fishers,
I have an offer of 11.5 Fixed in an organisation and i was offered with the same fixed component from mindtree. I negotiated to offer 12 Fixed. HR agreed to my demand but in the offer letter its mentioned as 10.5 Fixed +VP which sums up to 12CTC.

What should i do? Please guide me.

How is wlb at FIS Bangalore for business analyst/product owner profiles?

Additional Posts in Consulting

I worked on a project with Leap by McKinsey and enjoyed it. It's basically planning and launching digital projects from 0 to 1(strategy to MVP).
What are the best consulting companies doing this type of work?

like

Any else go from a cushy industry job to consulting? Why'd you do it?

like

Any recommendations for “wholesome” tv series? We loved This is Us and Friday Night Lights so something along those lines would be greatly appreciated.

like

Better to be bold and to stand up to a client or just shut up and tell them they're right/take their shit? Senior associate who doesn't care much if fired

like

Hooked up w/ a couple individuals on the same account. So much fun, yet so dangerous.

like

ACN 🐠 . Headed to ACN. Some folks tell me how terrible ACN is. WLB, cut throat, offerings. Your take? I find it hard to believe that ACN is a terrible place to work at.

like

Book recommendations on how to build your communication style? I often get feedback that I don’t talk enough or doesn’t appear very confident.

like

Hours real talk. I've always been very "bill what I work" so that means light weeks I'm destroying my own utilization/billing initiatives instead. Meanwhile peers bill 40-45 regardless. Am I an idiot?

like

Which line of services hires data scientists? What is the career path like?

like

I miss the corporate welfare of all my free mealz

Post Photo
likefunnysmartuplifting

I heard Accenture pays more than McKinsey

funnylikehelpful

Is the pyramid principle by barbara minto still the best way to learn about organizing your thoughts for consulting?

like

What are the best consulting firms for marketing and/or sales strategy work?

like

Are any top consulting firms hiring for experienced analysts currently? I know ACN and some others are cyclical for resources 2-3 years out of college, but I’m looking to make a move sooner than fall

like

Book recommendations. Your favorite -
1. Autobiography/Biography
2. Self Help
3. Financial Literacy
4. Non-Fiction (not from 1,2 or 3)
5. Fiction
Go!

like

How risky would it be if you were “wfh” but were actually overseas with your family and just working your home office hours right now?

like

Hey Guys, wanted to know whether utilization gets adjusted when you take LOA. TIA

likehelpful

Me to United: I'm going to miss my connection because my flights delayed 2 hours. United to me: well you can hope that flight is delayed too.

like

Anyone looking to make the switch to Deloitte?
DM me for a referral.

like

Is WLB better at S& than MBB/Tier2 or worse?

I feel like it’s probably the latter because of Utilization/PwC culture, but want to validate.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal