By show of hands how many women in this group are dating or married to black men that make less than they do?

How does that impact your relationship?

I recently learned that almost all my friends who date/married black men are with men that make less than them, and we all had similar stories.

I guess I’m curious if this goes beyond the handful of women I know.

I did and it was bad. I was married to a man and I’ll blame it on me picking him…so there’s that. But he was jealous, and used to hide his money so he wouldn’t have to contribute to the household and saw a problem with him paying more money because he “wanted to save” yet i was paying majority of the bills, cooking, cleaning and caring for the kids. Not to mention, when we separated he was working overtime and side gigs, yet when we got back together he got back lax. Don’t recommend it unless the man has integrity and good character

My ex boyfriend made triple my salary and he was an amazing partner but unfortunately it didn’t work out. My current boyfriend makes about $30k less than me but since I’m making six figures, it doesn’t bother me that much. He also is working to getting a new job that would make more than I currently make and has also told me he would allow me to be a stay at home mom if I wanted once we get married. That alone makes me feel secure being with him and I know he would do whatever necessary to provide for us.

As for my friends, almost every single one is married to a man who makes more than her except for two of my friends. However unfortunately one of the two is going through a divorce and the other is having problems with her spouse. Not sure if money is a factor for them but it does make me wonder…

I will say this though! If my current bf and I ever break up, I would never date another guy who makes less. He was the first one I dated who made less and I’d never do it again lol. I love him now and know he will eventually make more and that’s why I’m ok with it for now lol. I have definitely sacrificed going on fancy trips and restaurants that I used to do in my previous relationships, however I do those things with friends now instead!

When my now husband and I were dating, he was driving for Uber while taking boot camp courses to become a Software Engineer. He was very frugal with how he spent his money but made sure we still had memorable dates. For example, he would take me out to a restaurant maybe once a month or every other month. However, he would cook for me at his place every other night or take me out for long walks/picnic on the weekends. We ended up buying a house together before marriage and shortly after he got his first job as a Software Engineer. He now makes way more money than me but our lifestyle hasn’t changed (despite having two kids).

I think every situation is different but for me, I felt safe enough to stay with my then boyfriend because he had goals and ambition to do better. He wasn’t bothered by the fact that I made more money than him and still made sure to make future plans with me by pulling his own weight.

For statistics sake do you want us to confirm if we are dating/married to a black man that makes more? Bc I’m in that camp.

This is the norm for most of the community in coupled relationships.

I’d say tread lightly here but try to discern what kind of life your partner wants to live and if they’re willing to put in the work to do so. Look for their actions and not words only.

I think at large black women are upwardly mobile and most black men aren’t - if they are they end up marrying/coupling with white, or other non-white women (which is ok), but why black women should also expand their boundaries

Out of my circle of 6 BW
4/6 are married to Black men who make more
1 married to BM who makes less (but she makes millions, so safe to assume any man would make less)
1 single and dating white man who makes about the same

Hmmm, I hadn't thought about it but I think this is true in my circle too. The men have good jobs, but the women make more. Only one couple that I'm not sure about

My husband makes less than me for now but in a few years I think that will change for sure. It hasn’t really affected our relationship.

My boyfriend makes less than me. It only impacts our relationship to the extent that he can’t always do the things I want to do. Knowing this though, I either help him pay for things (for example, if we go on vacation together, I’ll pay for our hotel room) or I do things with my friends. He’s working towards switching jobs and careers so I see this as only temporary. If not though, I don’t care. We’re partners.

My boyfriend makes less than me but it hasn’t been an issue. We used to make about the same but I got a huge raise this year so I make way more now. We are in the same field and both have pretty high paying jobs.

Looks like the general read is birds of a feather flock together. Black women who date men that make less than them tend to have friends that do the same. And vice versa. Seems typical of how social environments work.

Married 10 years and I make more. We both celebrate it as it's more for our family, household, and retirement. What makes it easier is that he is very entrepreneurial outside of his day job. It's not for competition but for building our wealth as a couple.

My significant other who is black makes more than me. Crazy thing is he has a bachelor's and I have a masters As for my other friends, one is married and her husband makes more than her. Another one I can think of who is engaged, her fiance salary is now comparable to hers but I could tell there were moments when she maybe wished he made more but seems to be all good now.

I don't think it would be an issue for me if my bf was making less than me, as long as it is over $100k. I think that is still a salary you can do a lot with but I imagine our lifestyle would be quite different if he made less than me. I'm thankful he's in a position to pay all the household bills. It's not something I tell my friends honestly because I have a feeling most of their partners don't make as much as mine does and don't want to come off as bragging

My husband used to make a LOT more than me; then for about 5 years I was and he was a SAHP; now I am sick and he is going back to work.
The money is never the issue; having a success strategy, giving and taking direction, and making the best decisions for the family is the need. If I 2X him, but he is watching the market and maximizing our returns, life is good.

I’m absolutely in love and secure in my relationship with my man who typically makes less than me annually. However, he can make my monthly salary on a good day as a business owner. Yay!

We don’t share all of our finances, ex bank account, but we split costs and help each other when needed. It’s never a competition and we discuss our finances almost daily so we can build together.

This is honestly the best and happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship.

I am not married to a black man but my father makes significantly more than my mother.

I’m married my husband makes less than me

I’m dating someone that makes less but I also make way more than a normal person. We both make six figures so I don’t care too much.

Husband makes more

He's earned less, the same, and more (currently) in our time together and nothing has really changed either way. My friends are a mixed bag. Some earn less than their partners and others earn more.

I've been with my now husband for almost 10 years and was in a situation for the first 5 years where I made more. He was a student when we met, but was focused towards becoming a software developer. I was also 22 when we first started dating, so I had just graduated myself. He has now been working as a software developer for a few years and makes double my salary. If I were starting over again, I don't know if I would enter a serious relationship with someone making a lot less. It really depends on their situation though (Someone in school, changing careers, clear cut ambition to make more, etc).