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Understand that sleep is a luxury you enjoy only when you are away or if your child is sleeping. Plan accordingly. If your SO gave birth, expect some personality changes, some of which may be permenant. Expect at least 1 random health related issue the first year of the kid's life. Your kid wont really develop a personality until 4-6 mo. Finally, enjoy the time when the kid is small. Because parenting has a lot of suckiness, it is easy to forget the simple joys of having a small baby.
Concur. Year 1 is hard despite everyone saying how amazing it is. The sleep was the worst. Realize your SO may feel most of the burden and take most of the load if you are traveling and if your SO gave birth and is breast feeding. That translates to you needing to pick up as much as the other stuff at home as you can... dishes, cleaning, fixing stuff, shopping when you are there. Take on as much as you can. Requires an adjustment wrt work too. Hard to be “always on” when at home post-kid. Model good behavior for your teams by being a great Dad and husband. Also, unsolicited advice... if you plan to have multiple kids, suggest having them close together. We did that and while it was really hard for the first few years, it’s amazing now because we have all the kids in the same phase of life (i.e. not a 7 year old and a baby in the house).
We have a 19 month old and a one month old...yes, it’s really hard 😂
1) take every second of leave you’re allowed. Your career will be fine. I promise.
2) support your SO. There will be challenges whether breast feeding or some friends kid is Einstein or Brady out of the womb. You SO is a good parent and your kid will be it’s own rockstar!
3) Do something adult-y for the two of you once you get some rhythm: a special meal with a favorite libation, tickets to a concert with a trusted family member sitter at home, etc.
Congrats! Dad of 4 here... all good advice so far, steal what works for you, leave what doesn’t, adapt as things change and you discover what works best for your family and you.
HAVE FUN! That’s my $.02. Yeah your both tired, cranky and poopey but so is your baby ok?😉 If you set that aside and don’t default to complaining about it and just accept it, you’re able to go do the fun stuff. Babies just want to be with, and they’re down for whatever, always, even the fussy ones, just bear down and go. You won’t regret it. Travel... go to the park... take baby to dinner with you, go to your friends house for drinks, even better have them over to your place, whatever you did before. Let the baby be held and enjoyed by others. I always got a kick out of making my friends the “FTS, I’m never having a kid bro”, hold him for a bit. (It’s hysterical and heartwarming cause everyone falls for a baby in their arms) The more you do stuff the more you figure it out and it gets easy. Baby will adjust. I mean don’t be an asshat and go to a movie at 1130p when everyone else is trying to get away from their babies, be sensible, but don’t be a shut in like I see so many new parents becoming. Welcome to the club, all the best!!
On Day 4 after having my first this week so really appreciate the post OP and responses. The birth was an incredible experience with no comparison. What I can so far is enjoy each moment, take all the professional advice you can get from the doctors to make your own decisions, and be deliberate about how you spend your time and energy transitioning your family from the hospital back into your new reality - communication (and even over communication) with your SO is key.
Congrats!!
Try to be home and helpful. Both emotionally and physically. Also don't forget to enjoy those moments!! You will never forget these FIRST moments!! Prepare to make memories :). Good luck.
First off: congrats! My two cents having done this 2 years ago:
1) you are going to hate your SO with a burning passion at some point. You and your SO are just exhausted, that’s all. Learn to hit pause on the arguments or disagreements and recharge. It’s a chaotic, tiring period. Make sure your SO is getting sleep.
2) don’t take it personally if your kid prefers your SO to you. Especially if your SO gave birth and is feeding him. That bond develops pretty hard as that’s how we’re wired. Yours will come.
3) you can help out a lot by picking up the slack elsewhere in the house. Clean. Cook, do the grocery shopping etc. everything gets harder and if your SO is focused on recovery/feeding the kiddo, it’s going to be hard for her to do much else.
I posted a bunch of stuff in this thread you may find helpful.
https://joinfishbowl.com/post_ujlwgc
Agree with all of the above. Also important to remember that although there are many helpful books (Best Baby on the Block rocked first us), they don’t come with a manual. There will be times when you question everyone, everything, every choice, etc. making things worse, you will compare yourself and your parenting skills in that point in time, to everyone around you. Trust me...that couple in Target that looks put together with their smiles and sleeping baby, was a teary eyed $hitshow at some point earlier in the day and are also barely keeping it together. They are more than likely looking at you and thinking the same thing.
It’s a wild ride, but everyone gets through it and you will too.
Thanks all.. helpful advice all around!!