Hello 🐠ies!
Asking for help, my sister has lived at my paren’ for 24 y and they’ve always taken care of her. She’s about to leave home for her grad and she just got a loan to pay for all her expenses for the next 3 y. The money only arrived 3 w ago. She hasn’t even left yet and my parents have noticed online deliveries and spending receipts. We are worried that she might empty her account by year 1 at that rate. But just telling her to be careful doesn’t help. Cont’d

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The problem might be the parents and not the sister.

They seem to be set on infantilizing you sister. Lived at home until 24, likely paid for everything and controlled consumption, still monitoring"spending receipts".

People have to try things and make mistakes growing up. If parents protect them and stop them from making any when they are 12 and 15, and then mistakes are small, they will make them at 24.

At some point, you and the parents are going to have to realize she is an adult. You can share your experiences and mistakes but she will make her own. If she has never had any money of her own, she probably won't spend wisely when fake gets it for the first time at 24.

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It sounds like yall need to have a stern talk with her that she needs to budget her money or get a part time job to balance out her spending. Make her aware if the money runs out she will be SOL because their wont be a bailout. Since she is 24 there isnt much anyone can do to force her to
Stop spending ridiculously.

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*there

Do you know anyone who has transitioned from splurging to handling money responsibly? What helped ?

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Not only that but OP have your parents asked for your help? Would you be expected to bail her out financially if she blows through her money? If not then you need to butt out OP as hard as that is. You can’t stop them enabling her and nobody asked your advice.

Let her learn from her mistakes

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Get her to download a budget app like Mint and hook it up to her accounts so she can have a visual of how much she's spending and on what.

Try to encourage better behaviors in addition to squashing bad behaviors. If you tell someone to stop spending money on UberEats; take them to the grocery store and teach them some easy dishes to get started. If she's just shopping, figure out what she's buying and propose alternatives (library/rentals, thrift stores, etc.).

Unfortunately, sometimes you do need to fail to learn your lesson. If she hasn't been taught to save, be financially responsible, or self-sufficient by 24 and is starting out with a personal loan (as opposed to money she earned), she might be in for a rude awakening when the bill is due. :/ Hopefully that won't be a problem but failure is a good teacher and a healthy part of growth.

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I don’t think you guys need to do anything - but I’d encourage my parents to have a conversation with her about what will happen in the future. She’s 24 - it’s a one way ticket out that front door. She spends all her money, she isn’t getting help or a bail out from the parents, and she cannot move back in.

Let her face the consequences she makes for herself as an adult. And help your parents set healthy boundaries with their grown ass adult child.

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This is the sad, but right answer. Above someone mentioned letting her be and she will learn, but adding this on top that you’re parents aren’t going to just save her will add some pressure. I’m sure your parents are nice enough that they would help some, but the messaging hopefully is enough to put the threat in mind

The best way to deal with this is letting her know that if she isn’t responsible enough with the money and spend it all before she is done with grad school, she won’t get anymore help from your parents and you. She will be responsible for paying back the loan and support herself through grad school. She is going to grow up real fast when it happens.
Second way to deal with this is your parents taking all the money back, use the money to pay for the critical things directly, e.g. tuition and rent. Then give her monthly allowance for her other spending. She can maybe have small lessons in this scenario, if she spends all the monthly allowance at the beginning of the month, then she needs to figure it out on her own for the rest of the month.

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Is she working? Is the money shes using her own/from working?

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That’s money from a bank loan supposed to pay for tuition and rent for grad school

Does she know how to budget? Maybe get her set up on YNAB or something so she doesn’t get crazy into debt.

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Talk with you’re parents and suggest some financial counseling before starting school, and divide the amount by years with limited access. If she refuses, that’s a pretty huge red flag. Parents need to make it clear that they won’t bail her out. Unfortunately, the solution should have happened a long time ago by teaching her about managing money, but it sounds like you figured it out :-)

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It may help to teach her how to “pay herself” with the loan. Basically plan the transfers from the loan account to her checking account (and if it’s all combined I recommend getting a separate loan acct) when she sees 3 years worth of planned withdraws, it’ll make the conversation more real/tangible

Too late for this now but in the future, don't take all 3 years worth of expenses out at once.

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