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Would he be open to therapy? Talking about it? Education on how to handle frustrating moments with kids? They only get more frustrating as they grow and gain a personality and assert their wants. Big little feelings on instagram (they also have a course) is a good resource for techniques to manage emotions and approach behavior in toddlerhood. Might be good to start now.
What is he doing that scares you?
Get him to read “Raising Good Humans” and get into couples counseling and/or parenting classes ASAP
…my husband is taking parental leave to take care of the baby full time while I’m back to work. I hope to help him, so I can be not worried at work, and we can support and trust each other while coparenting together.
Stress is real! I found a lot Instagram accounts that talk about taking a moment and walking away but most are geared towards moms which sucks. I also had to go on meds cause my anxiety was so real. Crying triggered me so hard.
Trust your gut: if you aren’t comfortable leaving him with the infant you need to address this. Counseling, parenting classes, books, or a real hard chat about how he needs to get control of his emotions when dealing with a helpless creature.
I feel this same issue on a personal level. My husband is easily triggered by my toddler’s tantrums/normal toddler insanity. I wish I had more advice but all I can recommend is keep discussing it with him in calm moments. And for sure try to encourage him to read or watch anything by Janet Lansbury or Dr. Becky.