🧔🏻🐠 here - I think I have an addiction to sexting women. I'm on my phone constantly looking for someone to chat with and it usually goes down that path fairly quickly. Anyone else? Advice?

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So I can’t speak to this particular addiction though when I drink my interests pretty quickly go down this path. I destroyed many relationships before I was finally able to make the connection. Now some 15 yrs + into both marriage and sobriety I still know that the only thing preventing me from fucking all this up is that first drink.

I think you need to be honest with the impact this is having on your life. If it’s getting in the way of your ability to make meaningful connections with people or sending people the other way and you still can’t stop, you probably have a problem.

I’d say that if you live in or near a major city, you can probably find an SA meeting that will help point you in the right direction. Barring that, looking for a therapist that specializes in sex addiction would probably be helpful.

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This was a strong signal that my sexual compulsions were getting out of hand. I had done it in almost every relationship (in addition to the broader sexual addiction both in and out of something committed) and it was the first step to breaking someone’s trust in every case.

We all have our own reasons, sometimes it’s a self esteem issue, that reassurance of being desired. Other times it’s chasing a dopamine fix because masturbation just doesn’t cut it (try a contact sport). In either case, worth speaking with someone if it’s an issue - like you catch yourself dropping other commitments just to find folks to flirt (etc) with.

It’s just not a habit you want to carry into a relationship should you ever plan to settle down.

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I thought this was normal now?

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I feel this too

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For me, my tendency to rush to sexting, was really based out of fear, and my immaturity as it relates to love and relationships (and, well, everything else).

It’s exhilarating to get into a sexting exchange with a woman. I used to think my Love Language was sexting... In reality I had a deep fear of love (and rejection), and the “personalized porn” (which is what I considered sexting to be) was a huge turn on because it meant somebody liked me enough to be vulnerable, but my only intention was to push it as far as she would allow and then she’d be meaningless after I got what I needed. It was incredibly selfish and I was all take take take.

Check out the book “The Four Agreements”. Perhaps you’ll find something in there that changes your perspective.

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The Four Agreements is the sauce

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There’s a book called Sex and Love addicts anonymous that was a really interesting read. It tells a story about a guy who was engaging in sexual behavior that was not what he wanted to be doing. Definitely worth checking out.

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