Hi all! I’m F, 31yo and recently started a senior IC sales role where I have a lateral leadership role. My problem is that I’m kind, friendly and understanding and some Solution Engineers don't respect me, try to push their work on me etc. I work with execs at clients and often they assume I’m junior because I look young. After a few interactions they often say I’m the best AE they ever had but many don’t give me any chances. How could I improve my presence and better manage unconscious bias?

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First off, this sucks and I’m sorry. Second, as shitty as this sounds - dress and act the part. Be direct without being unkind, and don’t take shit. Someone wants to push their work on you, a simple “thank you for including me but this task falls under your role. I’ll be happy to review it before it goes out if you have concerns about quality or accuracy”.

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Thanks so much VP1! It’s a tough environment but I’m working to adjust! 💪

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The real power move here is to let them all feel like they are superior (which ultimately you can’t control anyway!!) and still get what you need out of the relationship or circumstance. Sounds heartless (maybe?) but you can still deliver hard conversations kindly (ie you can still be YOU) just make sure you remember “no” is a complete sentence and when in doubt, always say less, take a pause, and then another pause and keep eye contact. you’ll feel like an alien but what you’re doing is leaving space for them to squirm a little. Try it.

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I experienced this early on in my leadership career. I was and am still considered young compared to those I manage in my organization. I agree about dressing and acting the part. I do this by never putting myself in a situation I am not prepared for. That can be an email, project, or meeting. I choose my words very closely and actively listen to everyone around me. For those pushing work off on you, remember words are powerful. They can be your greatest resource. I recently had a senior project manager attempt to get me to update some documents that were obviously his responsibility, and I've seen him do this to others. When this came up, I asked him directly, "Would this be something you would like help updating because you're having issues understanding our updates from the director? I would be happy to schedule another quick call for us to all get on the same page and review again if that would help you?" That is my way of still being nice but also showing I'm not nieve, and he quickly declined that offer. Speak up in meaningful ways, never speak just to speak, and people will start waiting for your input before making their thoughts known. Good luck!

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Thank you so much C1! My key issue is that there is not much clarity about R&Rs from our leadership, so I don’t have the confidence yet to stand my ground, which I think more senior people are exploiting.

I want to reach out and hug you. You are my age when I got relo’d to ATL and in your shoes. Nothing I hadn’t faced before and the majority of my customers loved me because I was and still am customer-first.

Many of the other responses will be better than mine as I just refuse to play the political game inside of companies. I do my work, I build successful collaborative teams, I mentor my people, I am very passionate abt helping my customers succeed, and I exceed my targets.

I’m 44YO but look 34. I face jealousy still today and issues from time to time from men and women, which is even more sad to me.

Some advise: learn your boundaries and STICK to them. Work is not life. Play with the kids that want to play with you, don’t force something that isn’t there; plenty of other kids available to play. Things just aren’t clicking, get another job. Finally, don’t forget to dance!

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