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I’m 26 weeks pregnant and trying to figure out my leave. I live in NJ and work at PwC, any fishes know the policy for NJ and PwC? The leave center has not been much help and I want to plan NOW not like 60 days before. I was told NJ gets two weeks before due date and PwC gives you two weeks as well.
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I was also very scared during this time! Realistically, the vast majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal/developmental issues that have nothing to do with anything you are doing. But it sounds like you might have a bigger issue with anxiety that is worth discussing with your doctor.
Sharing my story in hopes of offsetting some anxiety you’re currently feeling. My partner suddenly died when I was 7 weeks pregnant with my second. There were signs of miscarriage (because of the amount of grief and stress), but my baby pulled through and she’s the fiercest little thing (currently 4 years old) that even bosses her older sister around. This job is definitely tough, so please be kind to yourself and take it as easy as possible. Congratulations, OP!
Thank you for sharing your story. A huge applause to you and your strength during everything you and your family went through. I am sure your daughters know what a superhero their mom is!
First of all, congratulations! I’m sure I won’t be the only one to say this but that feeling is completely normal. That being said, miscarriages are mostly due to causes that are out of our control unfortunately. Definitely check with your care team but that is what I was advised by my doctors (and friends who are OBs or REIs). Just do all that you can—take prenatals daily, drink lots of water and rest as much as you can!
Relinquish the idea that you have any real control of the outcome and just be grateful each day. I’m currently 13 weeks and I found out at 3-5, she is planned and my cycle is short. Finding out early is nerve wrecking.
I woke up and was happy everyday I was (am) pregnant and did my best while honestly not getting too excited. I might not get very excited until anatomy scan
I was worried about this too, and me therapist told me he has had patients on hard drugs deliver healthy babies. Miscarriages are often really random and aren’t the mother’s fault. That being said, nothing wrong with getting some help from a therapist for your anxiety so you can feel more comfortable! Once you hit the second trimester, that anxiety should ease up too.
Congratulations! I remember feeling nervous but talking to my doctor helped alleviate my fears. I was afraid to even go running (I'm a marathon runner). At the time, I was a brand-sponsored runner for the NYC Marathon and was seriously considering giving up my spot. My doctor reassured me as I was an experienced runner, and I ended up training for and completing the marathon at 12 weeks pregnant.
For me, because I trusted my doctor, her medical advice gave me more confidence and it put me at ease.
Relax and enjoy this time. Focus on the joy of the pregnancy. Allow yourself to feel happy.
Just want to comment that there is no joy in pregnancy for some of us lol My pregnancy has felt like shit (even though the baby is fine and healthy), and every time I see “the joy of pregnancy,” I feel rage lol
That being said, congratulations on you being a unicorn and somehow loving being pregnant lol
First off, congrats!! Second, ugh I feel this so hard as I was in the same spot as you. It took me so long to get pregnant (a year and a half of serious trying) and think I had a chemical pregnancy once before, so when I finally got pregnant, I was terrified. I also found out I was pregnant two days before a huge federal jury trial, so I was already at stress level midnight. My best piece of advice is to try your best to give yourself grace and reduce stress if at all possible. For me, that meant taking a hit on my billable once I got through trial and just giving myself time to rest. I also suffered from awful all day morning sickness so I focused on removing stress and eating well (when I could) to give my baby the best chance. It’s so hard because so many things in pregnancy are out of your control, so I thought I would do all I could to help the little one out early on.
Best of luck and congrats again!!
Congratulations. I totally understand your worry. As an employment specialist I suggest talking to your medical provider and maybe a provider who can assist with some of your stress / anxiety. I get it, this is a scary time. I’ve been there. If you’re unable to get into a better headspace with work, through talk/ traditional medical help. I suggest working with you provider and employer to develop some accommodations that may help you get through the next 8ish months.
Also, the stress/work load issues will not get better after the birth. It may be time to look at moving to a more family friendly firm where your time is more your own.
I found out I was pregnant while drinking my second energy drink for the day and running on almost no sleep. After finding things out, I definitely slowed down. No energy drinks, almost no coffee, and only one night of almost no sleep. Baby is healthy and fine.
You won’t hurt the baby. If you need to tell your employer because you’re slowing down or too sick (might show up next week), it’s protected and you can ask them not to tell anyone. I highly recommend Emily Oster’s Expecting Better for real information without freaking out over Google searches.
I second this book suggestion, and the subsequent Emily Oster book on newborns. It is the most anxiety-reducing book I read and full of helpful, science-based information. It helps that it was written in the style of a friend talking to you - layman’s terms for the win!
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I found this helpful in early pregnancy—
https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
I have dealt with anxiety my entire life but it wasn't until I got married that I learned this mental hack: schedule your emotions! I know it sounds super weird but it's how I've dealt with grief over the loss of my doggies (aged 11 and 17) and currently deal with funding anxiety. 9-9:30am is my "I dislike this emotion" time. If I feel it outside of that time I remind myself it is not 9am - gotta deal with it until tomorrow!
@Associate 6 perhaps try it before you dismiss it. Like I stated, sound super weird but it worked for me.
Congrats! Here’s some hope for you:
I was pregnant with my first daughter during law school, traveled 50 miles daily (one way), and worked ….. super stressful of course
I was pregnant with my second as an attorney going through extreme depression
I’m currently pregnant with a son…. I have the largest caseload and things are going well.
All my pregnancies went well and all of my children are healthy.
I say that to say… I don’t think the stress of your career will cause a miscarriage.
Of course do your best to not stress but I think it’s what the stress leads to that affects your baby. So make sure you’re taking your vitamins, sleeping, eating nutritional meals, drink loads of water, etc.
Also focus on the JOY. Soak it in. You’ll never get these weeks back.