Is it mandatory to open an escrow account with the lender? What are the pros? Was wondering if i rather put aside the money for taxes hoa etc. in another interest earning account and pay them myself?

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Not mandatory if you are putting down 20% or more. Assuming you have a conventional loan.

So if i am not putting down 20% right now. Can i cancel it later once i have met 20% of principal

Probably varies from lender to lender. In my case, once I paid off more than 20%, I was able to request an escrow removal.

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Trying to see if i can bring down monthly payments

Lenders often allow mortgage recasting. Terms of loan don't change (apr, duration etc) but monthly payments will go down. One should at least pay about ~10% of the loan as a one-time principal payment to recast. But that varies depending on lender. Ask your lender on this.

Most lenders offer an incentive for using an escrow account (or a penalty if you don’t have an escrow account).

I wouldn’t say most…

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