Its a bit hard to explain. Words are not enough but I will try. I joined Deloitte as my first company straight after University. I was happy and nervous at the same time. I got allocated to a team but my Team lead and senior were very rude to me.If I asked a doubt, they gave me a philosophical answer instead of a technical one. They were so rude that I wanted to leave in anger in my 3rd month. One day I burst up and had a discussion with my coach. Continued in comments

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So my coach was also the senior manager of the entire division. She said why you wanna ruin your career because of a person. She gave me a choice to be sent to a different team, I said Yes. It went well there , I worked for 3 months as a Tax preparer. But as they had hired 25 new hires simultaneously. More had been accomplished and there was no work suddenly. So I was sent to a different department within tax only , i.e. The payroll. So, I was told that I had to relearn a lot of things as it was going to be completely new for me. So I gave it all I had. Initially I struggled a lot for 8-9 months and thereafter picked up pace. I was doing well now and was receiving awards and recognition as well. Some new people had joined our team and I was giving them training. I couldn't believe that I had improved myself this much. So, all this was work from home till now and now leadership was pressuring to call employees to the office. It was Dec 2022 and I was the first person from my team to come to the office. I had really developed a good rapport with everyone in the team. As I'm from the North , I prefer a bit of a moderate climate and I had studied in Bangalore so I could have chosen Bangalore as the location but I chose Hyd because I really wanted to see and spend time with the people I had worked with remotely. So I quickly settled in a pg and was coming to the office daily. But in the first month itself I felt drained, my TL made us work 10 hours for business requirements. Suddenly I felt this behaviour was very odd and tiring.I felt like I was more productive at home and got things done quickly but in the office literally a lot of time got spent talking to people on ground and I was almost working till 1 in the night. Still I managed with this but the next month my TL gave me a shock.So, i worked on the biggest engagement for 1.5 years and everything was standardised but she said that I would be sent to a struggling client where nothing was standardised.Everything was scattered. Also as per her my new TL was a woman who had never been promoted since 4 years and this was her chance also.So, my TL told me that if we work out things on the sinking client , I would be given a promotion next year. But I wasn't happy at all with this decision.Inside my mind I was thinking really are these the people whom I was excited to meet in person.I was heartbroken with her decision. It was like suddenly my old team members were not even looking at me , pretending to be so busy. I felt so lost and broken inside. On the other hand my new TL worsened things like she allocated the same work to three people which created a lot of confusion and nothing was going well on the new client. Suddenly all the was seeming so positive before turned negative all of a sudden. I felt like I was so connected to my team that this sudden decision and the aftermath of that, I couldn't just bear. I don't know if I over reacted but I was like how can people change so fast. I was hating my job and everything with it. I turned so negative within a month , I felt very dark and lonely. In this time , first time in my life I did something so negative that I had never done in my entire life. I decided to take my mind off things. I found my escape in the prostitues and whores.But within 2 months , I had become so negative.I.was thinking what am I doing with my life. I.wil definitely die like this , so I decided to resign ultimately. Work pressure was there from a lot of time and eventually it bursted like this.Because I had never touched a girl in my life and all of a sudden I had become this negative character that I couldn't even look myself in the mirror.Just to give more of background. We lived in a joint family but after my grandfather's death and that was like when my MBA got completed , our family split up and suddenly I was worried about my Dad because for over 20 years I had lived in joint but my grandfather's death made me realise that life is so short. I'm the only son of my Dad. So , during all my 2 years in Deloitte, I.was always worried with this thought at night like what would happen if something happened to my Dad.I cannot even imagine my life without him.This thought just added to the anxiety. Basically I come from a well to do family. We do business of apple orchards but my grandfather had full control of the business and he only managed and took charge of everything. My father worked a govt job for 40 years. He didn't want to work with grandpa.After grandfather's death the property got split in between my father's siblings. Now the property is not that much after splitting that it can sustain a family from apple orchards. My dad still receives his pension and he takes care of family.After leaving my job , I was with this view that if my Dad sells some land , we can easily set up some restaurant and earn a living. But my dad is hesitant, I understand his point of view. My grandfather had also been stricts with his children his whole life. I totally understand my dad's behaviour. I just thought in practical thinking.In my experience of working , I felt it is just like pay check to pay check. Hand to mouth lifestyle.In my opinion , real wealth can only be created by doing business and not working out ass off in jobs because not much is saved. But I don't want to pressure my dad and I am again on the quests to look out for jobs. Even though I am always worried about my dad inside and as I am the only son , I am worried about our whole family.Its been nine months since I left my job. Mentally I am so tired of rejections. My first interview had gone so swiftly , I didn't imagine that time finding a job would be thi difficult. I feel light heated now. Sometimes I feel very angry and I feel like I am disrespectful to my family due to frustation. It's no one's fault. What I am suffering right now is a whole result of my own actions. I believe we as humans go through more or less similar experiences in life. Maybe if you read til here. You can provide me with some advices.Thanks for listening.

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Hey buddy
I have felt the workload heat a couple of times early in my career. The best folks to talk during this phase is usually your close friends and parents. When I was under a lot of pressure 1 of my friend and my parents helped a lot.
I am not a very optimistic person, overthinking and thinking negative is a common thing I do. But meditation and getting back at spirituality helped me a lot.
Also take 1 day at a time.
I come from a very middle class family and have gone a lot in last year, I am 26 right now but that 1 year was the worst phase in my life. But the only way I could bring myself on track was with help of my friend and parents along with meditation and believing in upper being.
Things will get better for you. Don't worry take baby steps.

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Can understand you. Maybe your a pessimistic person like me.

Even i hate it here at Deloitte, and miss my previous job and my colleagues there. Life was good back than n now it feels shit every day.


But believe me, most of this is the undoing of your own might. If possible go to a psychologist. It has helped me a lot in breaking away from the endless cycle of overthinking and negative thoughts.


And bro trust in yourself, you are good enough for deloitte to hire you & be asked to train others so definitely you have skills the companies are looking for.


The market is down right now, but it'll go up, so will your fortune.

#BePositive

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