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It's hard to get to the problem sometimes because people say many different things when stressed. So I try to continue returning to how our product has disappointed them within the context of the story they're telling me. I see them as a person experiencing a problem, and I stay in the mindset that I can see & fix the problem. It's easier to find it when you're telling yourself "I can" than when you're saying "I can't."
Can you give an example? What kind of business are you in?