My boyfriend and I make 200K combined and live in NJ. We have $1000 in monthly car payments combined. That’s all we owe. Our credit scores are in the 800s. We have 50K to put down on a home. We have done the math and I know we can afford much more but he doesn’t want to buy more than a 400K home. I’m almost positive we can afford 500K and be more than ok. But then he starts to talk about how much kids cost and how we will be house poor and we won’t be able to afford kids. 🤔 Am I insane??

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You aren't insane. You don't have children yet. Are both of you expecting?

I can see where he is coming from, but I feel like he is talking about things that haven't occurred yet.

Are you planning on marrying each other as well?

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Personal finance is more about emotion and phycology than it is about the numbers, even more so when the decisions involve someone else. This is something that you all want to sit down and really dive into otherwise it's going to cause friction going forward.

We all grew up with different relationships with money and it effects the way we act now. It seems that your boyfriend may feel the need for more security. There is nothing wrong with the way either of you are approaching this.

Rough estimates with that down payment on a 30 year loan are $2,800/month for $400k and $3,600/month for $500k(*you will have pmi with both of these). So maybe you can afford either of those right now, but there are other things to consider. Is there a HOA, what does the maintenance entail, do you have upgrades to make?

Beyond the house how are you two handling finances? Are you budgeting? Do you have an emergency fund set up when something in the house breaks or one of you lost your job? If you do have kids in the future what does care for them look like(daycare, part time work, stay at home, what if it's twins or they have special needs). What other goals do you have as a couple (travel, early retirement, starting a business, living debt free, charitable giving)? Are you both saving enough for retirement right now?

A home purchase is a big decision and I'm sure you two can run the numbers on it. You really need to make sure you are on the same page when making this decision. Be willing be vulnerable yourself and be receptive to their feelings. Eliminating finances as a source of tension is key for a strong relationship.

smart

Buy the $500k condo.

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