My boyfriend won’t propose :( we have been together for 5 years and have been talking about getting married for the last 2. I’ve been patiently waiting for him to feel comfortable enough with (cont)

I don’t like the ideas of ultimatums but at the same time you can’t put your life on hold and wait for another person. As I see it you have two options: stop waiting for him and live life focusing on your self and what you want and if he sees what you’re doing and decides he’s ready to join you then great or it might be time to break up with him. You need someone long term that you can grow together with and if he’s not willing to it might be time to let go. You owe it to your self to live the life you want. Start by having an honest conversation and tell him you do have a walk away point and see what he says

Actions speak louder than words. Sometimes not doing something IS the actual action.

I get being traditional and waiting for him to propose. I’m not going to debate your views etc. I will just say you need to evaluate if THIS is the life you want for yourself - waiting for him to make a decision. Especially the big ones. Chances are this is not the only area this is going to creep up. If it is, why aren’t you talking about it? I realize this is all easier said than done, but you are 50% of this relationship and have the right to have your needs heard and considered.

Part of marriage is giving to the other person. If it’s giving him time to decide, great. If he’s not giving you answers what does that say? It’s also about satisfying your goals together as a couple. If he’s not meeting your needs, that’s a conversation you need to have - and then determine if this is really the right relationship for you to be in.

You have invested 5 years, but the many years ahead are going to be significantly longer if he’s not the right partner for you. Good luck!

Ladies, I’ve been in this boat. I’m sorry, but they know. They know what you want. They know you’re ready. They just don’t care / aren’t ready / don’t want to commit to you. It sucks, it hurts. But it’s important to know, and it’s easier to understand before they feel forced to propose to you and then drag their feet on planning an actual ceremony for years.

You can propose to him!

I’m so grateful for all you responses and support thank you to everyone ❤️❤️ I actually had dinner with my boyfriend and a bunch of his long time college friends tonight and somehow the discussion of why we haven’t gotten engaged yet came up and it was incredibly interesting - I think he knows very clearly how I feel and where I’m at and I’ve given him a timeline of what I’m hoping for - ie I would like to get engaged in 2019. If it doesn’t happen or things keep getting pushed then I think I will take some space and time and maybe suggest we take time apart / see other people as hard as that may be

I left this situation because it became clear to me after 5 years of me trying to get him the job he needed so we could move to the next step, that he never wanted to take the next step. It was all a lie to procrastinate. I got him a job. He moved in and then still didn’t propose. I kicked him out. Five years later he still has the same job I got him...and I’ve since married (very happily). Run now

where he is in life, which is what’s been stopping him he says. I’ve always made him feel secure that I’m with him for him and the love we have and want to grow through life WITH him. That I don’t need him to have everything figured out before. And I’ve just been getting frustrated. We come from families and culture where we can’t live together or have a life like that until we are married and I feel like I’ve been putting things on pause for myself to be okay with this. Idk what to do :(

Almost in the exact same boat, except we do live together.

I told him last year the month/year I would prefer to get married and the length of engagement I would prefer. The rest is up to him. Although he did ask me to send him some ring ideas a few months ago.

Could you do something like that? There's a point where he needs to make a choice, and while it's up to him to propose, it's also up to you to tell him what you want and that you won't wait forever.

No idea if you're sleeping together, but if so, you could also tell him you're not comfortable with that or sleepovers until you're engaged (but only if that's an actual thing that concerns you - I only bring it up since you mentioned belonging to a more conservative culture in that respect). I think that encourages lots of men to take the plunge.

I think it could all depend on the persons background ... my fiancé and I waited a while before getting engaged (6 years) because we knew we were going to have to pay for our wedding and we had other things we were investing in when we were dating. I’m sooo glad we waited because it really paid off for us both, emotionally and financially. We also had/are having a long engagement because of the financial aspect, and not wanting to ask our parents for money.

Yeah 5 years is too long. Proposing to him is NOT the answer. He knows you want to get married. Just break up with him NOW. It’s summer, perfect time to get your groove back. Please don’t waste any more of your precious time on someone who is not head-over-heels has-to-have-you. You will find him, but you gotta go now.

My best friend bought a watch and proposed to his then boyfriend. Take the initiative!! And make sure he feels your support along the way

Don’t propose - he knows what you want. Put a deadline in your mind (say- 3 months) and after that just tell him that it looks like you want different things. And move on, never look back.
Read ‘why men marry bitches’ - excellent book. Know your worth. Detach yourself from the situation, focus on yourself, have fun, and when the window closes just inform him that you’re not willing to continue in standby while he’s taking you for granted. Good luck OP.
He clearly doesn’t seem scared of losing you, which is a concern. Make yourself scarce.

HI I just wanted to come back to this thread and let you know all my bf & now fiancé proposed a month ago! 🥰

I have friends in this situation— be honest and upfront and tell him that you want to get married with some sort of timing attached. If he doesn’t propose then break up with him because in that case deep down there is something that is causing him to not want to propose and that probably won’t change. You deserve better and someone who wants to make that commitment to you and don’t need to be dragged down by someone who isn’t the person you need/want in your life....I say this knowing it is all easier said than done

Sounds like my situation ☹️

How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

Ya why don’t you lead the marriage initiative . And let him know you are not ok with status quo

I feel ya OP! think it’s pretty telling that no one is responding here with success stories of having been in your same situation. I wasn’t in the exact same situation, but I did have to pressure my now- husband pretty hard to propose in a timeframe that worked for me. But it wasn’t like we were on totally different pages – he was just about 6 to 12 months behind where I was, and required some nudging. We’ve been happily married for five years. So if it’s datapoints you’re looking for, I can say that waiting about a year for an engagement after you make it firmly known that you are ready to get married can lead to a happy marriage.\

He doesn't want to marry you. There I said it. I know it's tough to hear but true. My sister dated a man for 8 years. After they broke up, he started dating this girl for 7 months, then proposed.

Exactly^^