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No words of wisdom, but I can relate. My dad lost the ability to work because of a trucking accident 20 years ago. It's...painful.
I can relate. It’s extremely frustrating but at some point you have to let them figure it out just as they let you figure your life out. You can offer and assist here and there but it’s up to them to be willing to make the changes needed.
This is so hard. I can relate, went through something similar and came to the point where I had to establish some boundaries so I wouldn’t end up resentful. Help her, but definitely set parameters on how much you will contribute (your time, money etc). It does help. Best of luck and hang in there.
I grew up poor and both my parents were still working low paying jobs when my Dad became critically ill in his 70s. I convinced my Mom in her 70s to quit her job to care for him and I took on caring for them with coverage from Medicaid and their combined $820 a month in social security. My parents had no education (2nd and 4th grade) they always worked, had no negative habits, and made sure we were always loved and safe. Food was always there, somehow. It was an honor to support them this way. After my Dad died I cared for my Mom, not letting her return to work, until she became ill and passed. In total it was 20 years I helped, I supported them. It does impact my retirement goals, but without them I would not be me. They didn’t choose poverty. They were some of the hardest working people I have ever known. They also both also always had time to help others by volunteering or using their skills going out of their way for those less fortunate than them.
Think about who and where you would be without your parents. I disagree with “let them figure it out” that reeks of privilege to me, unfortunately I had a sibling who felt the same way. At their funerals I had my head held high. He was full of regrets, still is.
I’ve been supporting my parents to varying degrees. With love and generosity but also with some anger and resentment. As I saw friends’ parents have enough to fuel their lives (down payment on homes, paying for vacations, paying for grandchildren’s tuition), I was paying off my parents’ debts and paying for big expenses. Which definitely took away from enjoying the fruits of my labor and my savings and spending. After about 15 years of this, I look back with zero regrets. Only pride and joy. My parents and I are closer than ever before, they are healthy and blessed. And I know my support really helped them get this way. The material things I could have had, I don’t even think about. My family and I have enough. Sure there were times I struggled financially along the way, but it was worth it. You are being such a good child to your mom. Paying forward all she did for you. And God, the universe… will pay you back tenfold. Maybe not monetarily, but with other blessings. I promise.
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I relate as well. My parents’ financial struggles have hurt my personal financial security and I’ve had to help pay for their mortgage; they outright refuse to make choices that guarantee or assist in having a steady income or savings.