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Anyone working on CMS program audits?
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Crushing real hard on my manager 😭😭😭
Additional Posts in Law
Rising Star
How competitve is a US district court clerkship?
How do you wind down after a rough day?
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Your concerns sound completely legitimate. This is the kind of thing you should be able to have an open and honest discussion about so you can work together on finding a middle ground that works for both of you.
Pro
2 people WFH is a recipe for disaster. Because if you’re ever not going 110% they think you’re free. And if you’re free, you can be imposed upon.
Spouse and I both are hybrid and switched our days around so that neither of us WFH simultaneously and it did WONDERS for us.
I’m a solo too and even with my husband home I cannot work. I rent a virtual office. Highly recommend it.
I also work a lot, essentially running a solo practice, so I get that I can be hard to find time with sometimes, but it just feels like the expectation is that I am available to be engaged on other stuff whenever is convenient and that I’ll find a way around it. I want to find some gym time, but that seems like a pipe dream at this point. I also seem to get a lot of trivial decisions offloaded onto me. Part of the reason I’m working all night is because I’m constantly being distracted during the day.
In a similar position. Can I message you about this? Would love to hear more and get your insights.
Sure!
Ok, so I used room dividers (a more Scandinavian spin - I got a few from Wayfair - on the ones you'd see in colonial times, sold at Pottery Barn) to create some separation in a big room. Could you use 2-3 of those to put in a corner of the living room where you put a tiny desk (maybe no bigger than a folding TV dinner tray if you don't have space, or then one of those narrow consoles that has a flap that can pull out to be a temporary working surface) to hold your laptop and an office chair and thus create a physical "office" space? And then you wear noise canceling headphones with some white noise or some ambient sounds (I use the free Flow app for some neutral smooth sounds). And you tell your spouse that when you are in your "office" you are not to be disturbed until you come out, and that any communication in the meantime can be sent to you via text or Whatsapp, and that your phone is on DND and you will not get alerts but will periodically view all your messages as you take a 2-minute break when moving from one completed task to the next? That way, you are visually and auditorily removed/off limits in the same way as if you were working offsite, and can do so for cheap and in very limited space?
Rising Star
This is insane. You need some kind of office ASAP.
I’m a woman and the same. I make more than my spouse. (About 40%) and have multiple little kids. I really had to tell him do NOT talk to when I’m working. I got a pair of noise cancellation headphones and put them off. He would legit send the kids to ask me questions but I was like I can’t talk! I’m working! So now they see my at my desk, with headphones they leave me alone. We lived in an efficiency before and I got a tiny desk (from IKEA) and squeezed it in a corner and it worked perfectly . You got this! Be firm about needed space to work
Have you attempted to set reasonable expectations and work boundaries for your spouse? Have told your spouse what you shared with us? If you haven’t… are you afraid to? If so, that’s a whole other issue. If you have, and the disruptive behavior continues, your spouse has a respect problem. It’s that cut and dry.
I think gentle boundary-setting could go a long way. Tell him he’s allowed to make vacation plans and you promise not to complain about them (then follow through). Could you work in a bedroom and close the door as opposed to the couch? Could you set aside an hour or so each day to sit down with him and go through all the stuff he wants to talk about so he’s not interrupting you while working?
Rising Star
It’s very interested that some have assumed OP is a man and others have assumed OP is a woman. I assumed woman but now I’m wondering
Not same sex
Idt the amount of money either of you makes matters here. It's a lack of respect for what's important to you. I would snap if someone did this to me during business hours.
That being said, when the nanny is not there and responsible, you guys are equally responsible for the kids and the care they require. If you work longer hours, you could make an argument for you doing less childcare but it's not just her responsibility because she makes less.
Sorry, but it does matter. If OP’s work suffers due to the spouse’s distractions and lack of respect for OP’s professional obligations during work hours, and then gets fired… that’s going to be significantly more impactful and worse for the family than if the OP’s spouse is suddenly out of work (based on the facts as presented).
This would be very annoying. Spouse likely has no frame of reference for demands on your time during (and outside) work. Nonetheless they should understand and respect what you bring to the table and what you need to do to make that happen. Get a bigger space. Establish boundaries.
Are you near a Lifetime? They have lifetime offices and gyms that you can work at. Two birds one stone. :)
Consider talking to your spouse about this.
Honestly, you need an office. Preferably closed off. It helps other people understand do that your work is real, as silly as that may seem.
Thankfully my husband understands that I make significantly more than him, and therefore, when I'm working that needs go be respected. Even if I decide to work from the couch one night. But when we were in a smaller house, where I could really only work from our bedroom or the couch, my work was treated as less than. Granted, at that time, I also made about the same amount as my husband, so maybe that helped shift the tide, as well. And in our last house I had a dedicated office, but it was in a loft space, so the kids didn't respect the boundary when they were home that Mom is working, and it became a hang out spot. When buying our current house an office with doors was a must have for me.
I know moving may not be feasible, but what about finding a co-working space? Or renting an office in your town? Also, why isn't the nanny carting the kids around? That's part of what you pay a premium for with a nanny.
I totally understand this! You just confirmed my very sentiments. My last position was WFH and I lived with my girlfriend at the time in an apartment. We had an understanding of my privacy and quiet environment requirements needed to do my job well when we decided to move in together. That understanding lasted about 1 month. Slowly but surely she allowed her family to come in when they wanted. They would just show up during work hours unannounced. They would play with the dog and make it bark and just act like it was a regular weekend day. She even had family stay over for extended periods of time and slowly but surely, my work environment deteriorated and this caused lots of friction in the relationship. By the way she was great also! Unfortunately this was one area where we could not maintain our compromise. It’s hard sometimes. It would have helped to have a bigger place with a private area with a dedicated office space. Thanks for posting this experience.