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If there’s a values mismatch, life goals mismatch, and money philosophy mismatch. One or two can maybe slide if it’s fun and they’re charming, but all three and it’s best to cut and run
When I thought about a potential wedding day and that didn’t make me happy. If you can see a future where you get married but you’re not sure if that will be it, then I think it’s fine to keep dating. When you know you won’t be together forever, pull the plug
When I asked the question you are asking.
Chief
Bro just leave.
Chief
Leave sis
Rising Star
When I realized it didn’t matter if I was there or not (“you can come if you want to” is not a real invite or gesture that YOU want me to be there).
When I felt like a chore, as if hanging out with me midweek was a hassle or demanding ask.
When I realized his insecurities were living rent free - and manifesting in jealousy and anger of me hanging out with girlfriends, of my family enjoying time together, and of casual interactions with more attractive strangers.
When I realized his ideal future was one I would never be happy living in (for him, that was living in the suburbs he grew up in, eating at only a handful of chain restaurants, and being the breadwinner - he’d never be okay with me making more money than him.)
Best decision I ever made was to leave. Pursue the life you want, don’t minimize your needs, go at it alone until you find someone worthy to run with you.
When my mental health was suffering. Ending my 5 year relationship was the best decision I ever made. Best of luck OP. Follow your gut
When both of you start living a parallel life whether that is under one roof or separately. You might still like each other but don’t want to hang out together. When therapy and intervention doesn’t help.
I am in that boat :(, everyone tells me I should cut the cord, I should have but now it is too late for me.
To summarise, try to make it work, grass isn’t greener on the other side. However if that fails and u both are miserable with each other then stay apart from each other for a while and seriously think about it
Thank you, maybe I will
Guys…guys… time spent is a sunk cost. Don’t throw good years, months after bad. Long term is not as important as healthy or mutually invested etc.
I called it training 😆
When the effer started being shady, hiding/deleting texts and phone log, never leaving phone unattended, etc lol
My bad
When I realized I was the only one putting in effort
Dated a woman for 6 years and at the end of the last two years, felt physically and emotionally trapped in an abusive relationship, and it was like I still had to marry her. Plenty more to extrapolate on, but if you have any of those feelings, get out now.
Rising Star
When you keep doing and doing and doing things to make her happy but she’s never satisfied. Hopeless case.
Rising Star
Hardly
When you're questioning things for an extended period of time. I.e. Several months. It's not worth staying in a relationship just because you've been with someone for a long time. You can't fix what you can't fix and it's better to realize that and move on, rather than fight for something that is no longer right. If at any point you've broken up and got back together that's also a sign to call it quits.
This is a hard question. Struggling with this myself. We have a good life, we have fun together, he treats me well, but I'm realizing we have different goals. He doesn't want kids, he has no interest in career mobility or growth (wants more life than work in work-life balance), and gets irritated at me a lot. But I'm not 100% convinced on kids and worried then that I'd be leaving because I want someone more ambitious and that seems shallow. I have no idea what to do 10 years in. Going to try and get a therapist.
Rising Star
Oof that’s tough. It’s hard to predict what future you can live with. Highly disorganized and messy would drive me bonkers (but that’s me). I love my hubs to death but tripping over shoes, throwing away trash he’s left lying around, and closing cabinets, bags, really any container is a test of patience - and I’d still pick staying with him any day of the week.
Finances are another matter. There’s major ramifications for poorly managing your finances and if you tie the knot some day, you’re paying that bill too (either from bad decisions, higher rates, or limited experiences because of lack of savings/discretionary).
Kids wise, only you can make that call but don’t expect him to change his mind and be excited for kids later on if he’s clear about it now.
Define long term
7 years
When you realize you can find someone better
When I realized I’d rather risk being alone for the rest of my life than stay in the relationship. Was so painful at the time, but ultimately the best decision I ever made. Met my husband the following year, married a year later, now we have a beautiful baby. So thankful!