Real talk... how truly valuable is a doula? I’m not in love with the idea of a random stranger touching me or telling me how to labor, but my doctor recommended looking into it for a natural birth.

I did doula training for birth and post partum. I’m not certified but it helped me understand that that a non-related support person is really helpful during labor and birth. For you and your partner. Birth does not go according to any plan and it is a very vulnerable time. Nurses can be VERY difficult and opinionated and having someone who can be consistently level headed is helpful.

That being said, it is a very personal choice. You can have one that does birth and post partum. Or one or the other. Depends on the type of support you’d like.

Regardless, your partner and you can benefit from reading Penny Simkins “The Birth Partner.” It is a doula bible essentially. I can send you my copy since I gave birth almost 5 months ago.

We ended up not doing a virtual doula as I personally think the in person benefit is much better and helpful. Had it not been COVID we absolutely would have hired one for birth and post.

Happy to chat more and pending your area connecting you with one I’d highly recommend. She did help me virtually post partum and helped me stay calm. NJ area.

I can’t imagine not having my doula!! You meet them beforehand and develop a relationship so they’re not a stranger at the birth. Cannot recommend it enough!! The doctors are all business, while your doula is there every step emotionally, physically, etc. She helped my husband know how to support me, let me cry and be upset when I needed to be, handled the hospital staff when they were making insane requests of me, and right after I gave birth she immediately helped me nurse for the first time. I’m not hippie dippie by any means but I promise if you’re interested in it you’ll be SO glad you had one!

We decided I am too much of a monster when in pain for a doula to handle, so it’s probably not worth the money. We’ll put it towards an endless stream of post partum uber eats instead. 🙃 Thanks everyone!!

A doula would have pissed me off. I was already so stressed and I didn’t want more people around. It’s such a personal choice. But I also had a log of drugs and then an emergency c-section.

I hired a doula and then wound up being induced and having an emergency C section. If you plan to have zero drugs and labor at home as long as possible, hire a doula - but there is no guarantee that will happen. If you get an epidural or have a possibility of being induced or having C section, a doula is pretty useless. In my experience the L&D nurse and my husband were more helpful than the doula. It’s really a personal choice but if I had to do it again, I’m not sure I would spend the $ on one and would put that $ to a baby nurse.

I think it’s highly dependent on what your aspiration for the labor experience is. E.g. if you want an unmedicated birth or are really into a specific birth plan then it might make sense for you. I interviewed two before my first who were recommended by close friends who swore it was a must. ultimately I didn’t really have/want much of a plan other than “whatever it takes to get a healthy baby out” so didn’t think the doula would bring anything more than the combo of my husband and medical team. I also felt like adding someone else would disrupt some of the intimacy of it for us.

Turns out all I apparently needed was the epidural + a good ambient/chill playlist to set the mood until it was time to push. It was frankly much more enjoyable than I ever imagined it would be and I’ve never once wished I had the doula.

I can’t imagine hiring someone to do this. I have a spouse, with whom I have chosen to reproduce. If they can’t be there for me an advocate for me and understand what’s going on, then I have other problems.
Doula training is sometimes suspect and not regulated well. Why would I trust them more than my physician?

I think it’s definitely personal. We interviewed some, but it was ultimately weird feeling for me.

I did not use a doula for either births and I am glad I didn’t. I don’t see a need for someone else behind the dr, nurses and my spouse being there. However, that’s my personal opinion. If it feels right for you, then do it! If not, then don’t.

Post partum doula saved me. My husband and I quickly realized we had no clue what we were doing. She helped get us comfortable, brought us food, let us nap, etc. without family nearby it was hugely helpful.

I haven’t had my baby yet (32 weeks) but we are working with a doula and I’m really glad about the decision, albeit with some COVID trepidation. The hospital where I’m delivering is currently allowing a doula in addition to your one support person, but she is prepared to Facetime in if need be.

I am not “crunchy”. My husband is an incredible person, but we are both first-timers at birth. I don’t expect him to remember everything he’s read after 20-something hours, especially if I’m in pain, and I recognize at some point it may be good for both of us if he can take a break. And his hands get tired after 10 minutes of a backrub, so while I expect he’ll be wonderful, I have to be realistic. (Definitely agree with the Birth Partner book rec above though—great info there and both my OB and our doula recommended it highly.)

I think what sealed the decision for me was hearing that the doula is there SOLELY for attending to the needs of the birthing mother. She’s not doing medical stuff, not monitoring the baby, she has nowhere else to be, she isn’t nervous or unsure. Selfishly, it sounds pretty great to have that available to me.

I was curious about getting one for sure. I think you meet them a bunch before so they don’t feel random. They are supposed to advocate for you and be a coach. However in my area only your partner can come to the birth because of covid so it didn’t feel like it really would be anything other than some prep calls and follow up.

I pretty much hate all people I don’t know and am not crunchy at all, but I got a doula and it was great. A good doula will never tell you how to labor, they will listen to what you want and advise. I was truly not prepared for the level of pain and they helped calm me down a lot. Also, in a lot of cases, they are there for the partner who can freak out, especially if your partner is a man. Sometimes their job is to reassure them what’s normal and how to best help you. I wound up having a csection after 36 hours and mine took pictures and reassured me as I was shaking on the table. This was all pre covid of course, and yes some places aren’t allowing doulas in. Depending on when you are due I’d definitely interview some and get a sense of what’s going on.

If you want a natural birth I would completely look into a doula. You need a coach. Your doctor will most likely only be there when it’s time to push and your partner will need the support as well when you are in another dimension.

If you need a familiar face there for you during the birthing experience (an extra who is educated about the birthing process while not being your partner) - do a few interviews, see if you like anyone.

If you think your doctor will be the official one with you on the big day, note that that does not always happen > for my first birth the doctor I thought I built a relationship with walked in to visit me while all dressed up for an evening out to ‘wish me luck’ — my husband still mentions the shock he witnessed in my face🙁. She clarified that she as a doctor was a ‘rotation group’ and it was not her night for deliveries.🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️

Lesson learned > Ask your current doctor what their policy is if you choose to try and do natural birth (with a scheduled csection or induction it is easy for the doc to be there).

IMHO I did not do one. Too hippy I thought. Regretted it. Start the process and feel it out find someone you connect with. You need an advocate, another support for you and partner. ❤️

I am very particular and private and ultimately got a doula last minute to help with a drug free birth. We met a handful of times and she was able to be there as I delivered just a week before COVID lockdown. She specialized in massage and relaxation techniques and that was my primary focus. It allowed me to redirect positive energy to my spouse and double the attention was pretty amazing. I was clear about my birth plan preferences upfront which were not all congruent with doula theory but she was understanding and flexible.

What do you mean by natural birth? Vaginal? Or non-medicated ?