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I am a graduating student who just got offered 65k for a solution analyst role at Deloitte USDC (Data Engineering Focus). From reading previous posts it seems to be a lot of negative thoughts surrounding the USDC, but straight out of college is this a good opportunity?
I'm looking to gain as much experience as possible out of college in an IT role and wondering what exit opportunities may be in place a year or two down the road if there is little/slow progression.
Any Advice?
How much discretionary cash do you keep around?
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Rising Star
Your SO will understandably feel obligated to help them.
You got married for better or for worse.
You’re now obligated to help them.
Sorry to hear this situation, but it’s going to fall that way anyway. I’d advise you to fully support your SO’s wishes, fair or not. Minimize strife there and try your best to be a big person.
Do you support your SOs value system? Is it in their value system to care for family when they’re in need?
For me personally, I would feel an immense sense of privilege, honor, and gratitude to be able to support my parents in their old age.
PwC Honestly not sure how I would feel about it if it were my SO’s parents rather than my own. I guess I would understand where my SO is coming from and want to either 1: contribute the same to my parents or 2 (if separate finances): have my SO pay for most of it
The way I see it; take care of your parents the same way they took care of you. SO should understand. Parents are parents, not strangers.
Agree that’s why I said there are always exceptions and emergencies. Retiring too early and then being able but not willing to go back to work doesn’t qualify as emergency to burden your adult kids. Not saying that’s the case for OP we don’t have all details. Just saying my opinion is to strive to never burden your kids like that when they are grown.
Pro
I feel awful saying this, but it’s tough for me to think about sacrificing our own financial goals simply because my in laws don’t really want to work anymore. What are our options?
I’m in the middle of this exact issue with my parents. It’s actually caused a lot of stress over the past few years. They haven’t run out of money yet but they are making a choice to not work anymore with college educations and no health conditions. Like you, I can see that it’s just a matter of time before it is pushed on me the only child to fix it.
We’ve spent a lot of time modeling out the different scenarios with out them moving into our home because we both work from home primarily now. We find also my parents are unwilling to make lifestyle changes and to give up any authority over their finances. So, we have to just sit tight until the day comes unfortunately. We can see the impending dooms day. For our culture our parents finances are not our finances and that is the way Medicaid/ Medicare sees it. Eventually as they spend all their money they will become Medicaid eligible. Since we see that coming we won’t move them into our home. If they should develop dementia we are unprepared for that level of care at home. It sounds cold but we’ve spent a years trying to get them to come up with solutions and I’m met with- I just want to live my life the way I want.
It sounds like many of the baby boomer generation are like this and I’m not alone. It’s actually surprising to me that I developed strong saving skills being raised by them. However, their circumstances have been the biggest cautionary tale of my life. All we can do is sit and wait. I hope your in laws are more amenable than my parents.
🤷🏻♂️
Based on how you've responded to a few comments below, I think it's possible that you came here to be validated in how you feel and honestly, I wouldn't blame you for that. It's probably really frustrating that your SO feels so completely differently than you and I'm sure you want to be understood in how you're feeling.
My biggest piece of advice would be to not let it get in the way of your relationship with both your SO and your SO's parents. You may feel like you don't have an obligation to them (and honestly, that may be true), but if you focus on things over people, you may very well end up resenting your SO, her family, and your life will become a living hell. And at that point, doesn't matter how much money you do or don't have.
You're on the same team, after all. That's why you're in this relationship together. Figure out a solution together where you can both speak honestly and avoid resenting each other for the rest of your lives.
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This is so helpful, thank you. This is exactly how I feel and I’m headed down a really bad path of resentment.
The notion that adult kids are expected to support their parents in their "sunset years" is as outdated as foot binding.
When you have your own kids to raise + aging parents (on both sides) + grandparents (pushing 100, retired for 30-some years, no plans to expire any time soon) + a demanding FT job: ask yourself if you have physical and emotional resources to handle all of it?
Empathy is dead huh.
Not talked about enough. Tbh its giving me more stress than actually accounting for myself. Im starting to swallow the brutal pill that they will just end up living with me in the end to not pay for housing.
In the same boat. Also not brown D1
I’d have a hard time with this. My dad is 60 and might lose his job soon. He’d planned to work for 2-3 more years, but his company might shut down. I’d have no problem supporting my parents because I know they’ve always worked hard, and some things are out of your control. If he decided to retire early with no plan? Yeah; that would feel different. I’d probably still support, but begrudgingly.
This
Chief
Does the sense of obligation change if they don't retire early and still require financial support in their old age?
Rising Star
For me, 100% yes.
I fully support someone retiring at an appropriate age (IMO 62-65) and needing help in retirement. Things happen I get that some people just can’t save enough for whatever reason and I’m cool with that.
I do not support someone who CHOOSES to retire early and runs out of money. In my eyes it’s reckless to not plan accordingly and place a financial burden on family members. I understand things can happen that are unforeseen, but had they worked longer the financial burden would have been lesser.
Don’t get me wrong I’m all for early retirement and plan on doing so myself, but I will be sure to have more than I could possibly use in my lifetime.
This can be cultural, depending on the society and the ethnic community where you come from. In ours we do support our parents from both sides if they retire and if they would need help. I am not implying you should, follow what’s generally practiced within your community or within your family.
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Counterpoint for y’all to throw tomatoes at me:
There are several reasons to retire early including mental burnout. The feeling that, “I’ve been here for 35 years and if I see the inside of this place again after today, I’m downing that whole bottle of Ambien when I get home.”
Physical burnout, which differs from disability. The wearing down of your body over years of manual labor. Since you’re already getting up there in age, the doctors dismiss it as, “Getting old is a fact of life, son.”
Or there’s the good old, “I paid for my daughter’s college, her new car, her studying abroad, her $40k wedding, not to mention I have provided free childcare while she and her husband worked, and took our grandkids on vacation with us, so they could save some money. I’m too tired and spent out to keep going to my 9 to 5 job. I know my daughter will take care of me like I’ve taken care of her and her family.”
Just to name a few*.
They're your SO's parents, they raised the SO that you want to be with. They fed, sheltered and educated him - what's the issue with helping out?
Start setting some money aside for them in an investment account. Do whatever you can within your means- go through budgeting and discuss ways to increase income
My parents would never ask me or expect that from me.
But I 100% would do it if needed. They have gone above and beyond for me so I would do the same. I would of course sit down with them to discuss our expectations (ie I wont be buying them a new car [unless I become a billionaire]).
Rising Star
I could not justify supporting my SO's parents if they run out of money because they chose to retire early even thought they couldn't afford to. Also depends on how you define "support". Not paying $50K in living expenses annually but could throw a rack or 2 here and there.
Hire them as interns 😈
We made my SOs parents sell their house and then we bought them a condo they rent. Also there were lots of discussions of how we were going to mitigate the risks of their bad habits.
Personally, id invest in a few disability and long term care insurance policies for your SO's parents. And perhaps do what you can spare in a brokerage account for them (maybe a few hundred dollars a month). That isn't much of a financial burden for the insurance but is immensely helpful if they have issues later in life. And the brokerage account you don't have to mention to them if they don't need it. But if they do, you'll be able to help them as you see fit without it being an immense burden
If they are already retired this might be a little late
As someone approaching retirement in the next few years, there is now way to know if I have enough saved or not since I don't know 1) how long I will live (definitely better die before I reach 110) ; 2) economic events like the Great Depression or 3) some catastrophic disease or health event that exceeds all insurance policy maximums.
By no means saying you should support them financially, but don't just assume that you and your parents are better because you saved more