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I messed ups no need help. Idk where to turn.
Bowl Leader
Pause. Breathe. Proceed.
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Bowl Leader
Acceptance is the answer.
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As you prepare and enter into step 4, you have to embrace being as honest and unbiased about your past and history of substance abuse as possible. It will feel very scary and unfamiliar - because it is - but absolute honesty and full accountability is required. I ended up circling back and doing my 4th step a second time because I found myself still putting myself in the center of things beyond my control. My marriage was getting worse, no matter how much I was doing getting sober, being fully engaged in marriage counseling, etc. My then wife was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and rape and was going through a recovery awakening in parallel to my sobriety. I kept making myself out to be a victim in my head about that, treating it as a "woe is me" issue. At the same time I was helping to care for my elderly mother from ~500 miles away, travelling to her to care for her 1 week a month. She was suffering from a form of dementia. Even after my 4th step I was making that about me - not my Mom and not my family. I found myself full of fear, resentment, anger and self centeredness. I was technically onu 6th step when I realized I had to go back and course correct. I found a new, dedicated sponsor and reworked my steps. It wasn't that I was dishonest doing my fourth step the first time, I simply had not dug deep enough, and I still had expectations that by getting sober life "owed me things". That's alcoholic thinking, not sober thinking. It helped me tremendously and I "broke through" to a level of sober thinking and spiritual sobriety that I was lacking. Best of luck to you.
Year 4 today, congratulations on your anniversary too!! First year was the hardest
Take one day at a time 👌🏽
The program works if you work it!
I found it helpful to use a step 4 guide (like hazeldons). Step 4 was also the one I was looking forward to the most, just to try to unpack some things. 4/5 were very cathartic for me but it was not instant relief. I realized the benefits several weeks or months later when I noticed I was no longer carrying around 30 years of baggage in my mind. I don't even think about those resentments anymore.
For me, the biggest challenge with step three is my own alcoholic-sized ego, always wanting to run the show and take credit for the good things in my life. It's easy to let go of the bad stuff and think that my higher power has a better plan, but when things are going well, I want all the accoladdes. I've come to learn that it can't go both ways, I need to turn my will and life over in ALL situations.
Step 3 was the toughest for me for the same reason. My ego was not willing to turn my life over to a higher power. I still believed I could control things and ended up relapsing. After nearly throwing everything away, I started again with a lot more humility. I spent significantly more time on step 3 the second time. I have now been sober for 8.5 years. Just take your time and work the steps at your own pace with a sponsor who will support and challenge you.
What is Step 4? I just stopped drinking but maybe I need to consider some struggles ahead?
MD1, suggest that you only need to worry about the step you're on. Move at your own pace and just focus on today.
Bowl Leader
Step 3 is kinda like AA Recovery in general; one day at a time. More often than not, I wake up and immediately want to take my will back. Sometimes I feel like I’m playing tug-o-war with my Higher Power. Over time I’ve learned to surrender more, and that I can restart my day at any point (if it’s not going well).
Lastly, the best advice for any step, is to listen to your sponsor and to do the best with what you’ve got.
Summing these steps up in the words of one of my mentors..
Step 1) I can't do it on my own, "enough is enough"
Step 2) But I know who can do for me what I can't do for myself. "God"
Step 3) Now I'm gonna let Him.
The Commitment process, the trusting and believing that this part of the program will free you of any and all shame or guilt. Allowing us to walk around with our heads high and break out of our "comfort crowd". Don't stop.. full steam ahead. Fearless! Everyone has issues.. some are better at hiding them then others. Period