Any divorced dads use a parental coordinator? Did you find it truly beneficial? Mediated to have one included to get my ex off her control trip for all children related decision making, and not feeling like it was worth it after the experience thus far - to the point where I’m willing to re-do custody in court. Could really use some positive perspectives.

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Yes we went through a long process and eventually got a parental coordinator to help make decisions. It is very expensive and I think at some point the expense of it made us just figure things out. I feel like it was around $350/hr ?

From your note it sounds like you still have a lot of anger towards your wife. Try to figure out what is most important to you and make a list. I learned not to sweat the small things (bed times, should they be watching pg-13 movies) and focus on the bigger things (healthy eating, sports etc). And you just need to be realistic. I wanted my son to play the guitar and my wife thought it was a waste of time. So she refused to keep a guitar in her house to have him practice while he was with her.

Due to my schedule I only see him every other weekend. So during that time I was trying to practice baseball, football, have some fun, and also get a teacher over to my apartment to teach him guitar. It was just a frustrating experience because he wasn’t practicing or getting any better. So yeah I had to choose between having a struggle with this guitar every time or just giving up. Of course my ex wants me to take him every weekend and more time with the guitar is a mean joking way she tries to push it.

So I just gave up thinking well if I’m not willing to spend more time with him, I don’t get to choose some of this stuff. I decided to just have a super positive experience with him when we are together, minimize distractions. And it’s actually been fantastic. He doesn’t have really any set activities or friends where I live so it’s basically Saturday evening through Sunday evening of just the two of us.

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Thank you for that. I want to believe I have no anger, but to your point I am still triggered by her inability to change/coparent. So I appreciate the perspective. It comes at a time where she needs multiple caretakers due to her work and puts them in private daycare/school. She’s always combative over how I have no input on her care though it’s itemized in child support what I contribute toward. Then refuses to simply let me care for them instead.

Luckily ours is split cost of $180/hr though the PC hasn’t seemed to be the most organized (lack of scheduling, forgetting to push notes out, etc). This whole last year has been a challenge of revisiting custody and child support, so I requested a PC to assist after 2 years of lack of communication. I just want to believe it was a worthwhile decision. I do appreciate the advice.

I have been divorced/separated for about 7 years. The co-parenting situation was very difficult for the first few years but has gotten so much better. We still disagree about A LOT but I pick my battles.. Hopefully it will be the same for you. My daughters are now pre-teens. From my experience, every year they get older kids bond more with dad and be more comfortable disagreeing with their mom. Your son will eventually tell your ex that he wants to play guitar or whatever and your she will listen to him.

The only advice I have is to shelter your kids from your arguments (as much as possible) and ride out the early years. Your bond with your kids is for your lifetime and your ex will play a less significant role every year.

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