Cooked and cleaned the entire week alongside working 70 hours and gave her a massage everyday. The sink was full of dishes and she only washed her plate and left the others since it was “easy and convenient” which pissed me off. Am I dumb to be mad at her for this?

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Put her on a PIP

funnylike

Yep.

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Fully justified.

Cooked, cleaned, worked and a massage every day?? She’s very lucky and sorry to say it sounds like you’re being taken for granted.

likesmarthelpful

How about the week before?

Honestly only doing your own dishes is petty under almost any circumstance.

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She doesn’t do cooking or cleaning ever. It’s dumb that she didn’t wash every dish besides hers

Is she pregnant?

likesmart

Nope she isn’t

Stop cooking and cleaning. Stop massaging.

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Are you married?
I was in your spot, GTFO and be single and have peace or find someone who gives a crap about you. You need to tell her that she needs to do the dishes too, don't think a "normal" person would do them or want to pitch in. If she still does not do them think about everything she does or does not do and make a decision if you want to stay in the relationship. It will not get any better.

I cooked, cleaned, did all the shopping, did all the laundry, took care of the dogs, cooked and hosted holidays for our familys and she could not be bothered to pry herself off the couch to help and would just watch me do everything. I would work 10-12 hour days and then end up helping her with her work stuff if she asked me. No recipricating, she was that person who shows up to the BBQ, but never brings anything.

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Not married but I would hate that

You’re being taken advantage of

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you’re gunna have to talk to her that if there are dishes in the sink, to clean them. it sounds like a roommate

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You can be mad, but nothing will change unless you communicate with her about these frustrations

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I’m sorry to hear that. That’s not a good situation to be in. I won’t if you seek counseling? I hope it’s not too late when she comes to her senses. Continue with communication. There is power in helping someone to come his/senses. I wish the best.

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I have a book by John Gottman and its go-to example is dishes.

I have another book by Jillian Turecki and it also mentions dishes.

If dishes are causing this much distress, both of you don’t know how to be in a relationship. Her because she doesn’t contribute and takes you for granted. You because your people-pleasing habits causes a massive buildup of resentment.

This is not sustainable unless you both become self-aware of your level of relationship skills.

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Did you communicate your frustration? Is she going through anything rn where she is having trouble being productive?

No she doesn’t do anything besides her freaking job

Get paper plates

How long have you two been together for?

Yes. I ignored it before but it’s getting to me now

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Sounds like something women have been doing and dealing with forever (being under appreciated for homemaking) I recommend gritting your teeth and bearing it :)

I get the feeling that both of you are fairly young, or maybe never lived with anyone before. Communicate, establish boundaries, and respect each other's needs. If one of you isn't fulfilling the other's needs, perhaps it's time to move on or take a step backwards in the relationship.

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