{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Failed IVF for a third time. Used up my lifetime insurance allowance, and each trial now costs $23,000. Eating through life savings and don’t know what to do...", "post_id": "5dca375f4b9db300216ce29c", "reply_count": 47, "vote_count": 9, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

Failed IVF for a third time. Used up my lifetime insurance allowance, and each trial now costs $23,000. Eating through life savings and don’t know what to do...

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I'd recommend a holistic approach, ex: acupuncture, seeing a naturopathic doctor, do yoga in other to reduce the stress you've put on your body. Take a 3-4 week vacation with your husband, be completely disconnected from work, and go somewhere that relaxes the two of you. You never know what good things might happen while you're on that vacation.

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Why not adopt? So many kids out there who need a loving home

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It takes 12-18 months to adopt. That’s just the process. I’m not talking about other issues that will come in as well. Adopting is far more difficult than it looks

A lot less expensive outside the US and worth considering (even Canada, Australia, UK). But, to be honest, look up the success rates after three tries. Using up your savings might not make a lot of sense.

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Same happened to my friend. She gave up. Following year she was pregnant, after being told for years that it would be impossible. Another friend of mine also wanted kids but was told it wasn’t possible, so she adopted. She also got pregnant afterwards. Sadly it’s the added stress of it not happening that causes the failure of success. When that stress is gone, things change for the better and the seemingly impossible happens. Hang in there.

likeupliftingsmarthelpful

Similar situation. My cousin and his wife had multiple IVF failures and 7 miscarriages. They turned their focus to adoption and wouldn’t you know it, have since had two healthy au natural children. It seemed like once they stopped putting the stress on themselves they ended up conceiving.

We adopted from foster care. We wouldn't have our beautiful son without having gone through the pain.

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We were very lucky in that we only ever fostered our son. He was taken into care at 10 weeks old, placed in emergency care for 2 weeks and then with us. Of course reunification is the goal, but his birth parents just couldn't get it together and stopped showing up for visitation almost immediately. He was 18 months old when CPS told us they were moving to TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) and asked if we were interested in adopting him. Of course we were, and 4 months later he was forever ours. Those were very emotional days, but absolutely worth it. The uncertainty was the hardest. And drug addicts are terrible liars. They will say anything to anyone to manipulate them. That was the hardest part.

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I'm sorry to hear this. I understand how though this could be. All I can say is to stay strong.

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Let it go... may be it’s not to be yet...

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I am suggesting this without fully knowing how the process works - How about trying to get it done in India. It might be cheaper.

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The one laughing at this comment is clueless. I second D1 if IVF is a must.

In high school it was like, "touch a girl and she will get pregnant" then you finally reach a point where you want kids and it can take years.

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My wife and I stopped before going the IVF route, but we had a couple miscarriages along the way. It’s very discouraging and there’s really not a good explanation of why this is happening to you. I’m sorry you two are having to deal with this. This story’s not over yet.

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I wish you both well. We are on the path of adoption

Thanks for all the warm words and internet hugs. And here i thought i had completely emptied out my tears the last couple days.

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Went through the same for seven years before my wife and I finally pulled the switch on adoption. It was the best decision we've ever made. I honestly recommend this as the first option to folks struggling these days. ~$35k all in for the adoption.. would have saved money if we did it sooner.

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We went through one of the most reputable adoption agencies in Texas (DM if you need it). There were a series of installments, background checks, and then classes we had to take. They also provide the lawyers through the entire service and counsel us on which county in the state to finalize (some courts are notoriously slow). The lawyer fees and everything were invoiced to us only via the agency. We were fortunate that the process only took around 10 months. We were selected by a birth mother (who is now a close family friend) about 7 months in and also had to pay her expenses for about 4 months. Most companies also reimburse you for adoptions. My company paid about 1/3 of my total costs.. the best benefit I've ever received!

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Have you considered surrogacy? It’s more expensive but might be a path with higher likelihood of success.

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Yep. Definitely try surrogacy. I know Accenture covers it.

Sorry to hear this, OP. Being in a similar place, you get so anchored to the thought of it working that it’s even tougher when the round fails. More and more employers (especially on the West coast) are offering subsidization if you wanted to continue trying. Also worth a consultation with another fertility specialist to assess your protocol. Hang in there!

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OP try adoption ... World needs parents and you don't have to create them , I have one kid and we just got our adoption process starting for the second

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Shit M, hang in there. I can only imagine how hard this is for you and your family. The wife and I went through IVF after close to a dozen miscarriages in a span of 10 years (high school sweethearts and knew that wanted babies, so started early). The third IVF happened for us and we have twin toddlers. If there is hope, then work your butts off and pay the money, it's just money.... but before you continue, take sometime to heal, and self care with your partner, maybe consider a retreat, a long vacation. Also consider adopting. I know is not the same, but it is to some extent. Whatever you end up doing. I send you lots of hugs and positive vibes.

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Sorry to hear. I would recommend getting second opinions from other IVF specialists before you go for another round. Be strong and support your SO.

Op - please read the book below. It literally talks about the mental and physical state your body is in when unable to conceive... make the changes and see what happens (it was a big AHA moment for me). Every woman should read this book. Best of luck to you!

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My mother tried for 8 years to have children. She had me and my twin without fertility assistance at 38. Hang in there OP

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