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Have - it’s a different feeling. That said, do raise them well. Those who complain of rowdy kids usually end up with kids that are a result of poor parenting. There’s a component / a function of economic affluence but one can raise decent kids with less money. I had 2 kids when I was in industry 15years back and my salary was about $65K. Decent enough to make ends meet but not live a lavish life. How parents deal with life and it’s hardships influence kids behavior big time. They learn from their parents and develop habits subconsciously from them.
This question also leads me to believe that the OP is looking at kids as some thing external to them when in fact once you have kids they are an extension of you not some thing totally disconnected in external.
Have kids if you know you want and will change your life life for them.
My wife and I want nothing more to be parents. After 4 miscarriages with surgeries including a stillbirth, I hope anyone who wants to have kids is able to do so without any issue. I hope anyone who is able to have kids recognizes it’s a blessing to be able to bring a child into this world
Pro
Thanks for sharing. Sending hugs.
I feel like life after 30 is probably pretty lame without kids on average
Vacationing with kids is great if you do it right. Just got back from the Keys with my wife and kids, a great time was had by all.
You’d be surprised how little you need to change some behaviors if you teach kids to be resilient. When my 8 year old stopped puking from being seasick he got right in the water to go snorkeling and check out the massive barracudas. Kids can mostly keep up if you raise them that way.
Not have. Childless life is great.
With all the money you save not having kids, you could instead pay for excellent live-in help in your old age 😜
My uncle abused my grandpa and grandma, so family is never a guaranteed thing either
Have. I’m single and childless but all of my friends with children seem very happy.
C3, regardless of your variables, many have said they experience life differently with their kids and their life ‘began’ when kids arrived on the scene. So overall yes, they are happy with their decisions to have had kids. Obviously there are countless nuances to each of their decisions.... duh
Not have , hubby and I decided this a few years ago. We love the freedom of splurging on nice trips multiple times a year, treat ourselves to the nicest dinners, etc. I rather just babysit my nieces and nephews and spoil them, give them back to their parents after.
Pro
Maybe I can offer a perspective because I’ve lived both lives. In my younger days I had two children and it was one of the greatest joys in my life, but it was truly exhausting, worrisome, and in the end my marriage didn’t survive. I almost feel like you really have to be on the same page about children because children are not that romantic notion that once you have them your life will be better your marriage will be better and everything will just fall right into place. It is in an enormous change in your life.. The kids really become the center of your universe and your needs and sometimes it needs other ones around you tend to go a second. It felt like 10 years of worrying about ear infections, who is going to takeoff work to get tend to the children, lack of sleep, and all of the other things that come with having children. But when they smile at you or hug you you really do feel it’s all worth it.I got married again and we chose not to have children and now we live our lives like honeymooners. Both kids are grown now. My husband and I comment all the time and how stress-free, quiet, and romantic our lives are because we can really focus on each other. So I would never give up my children from anything in the world but I do see value in people that decide that they’re going to make their spouse a priority. To have a children or not/ there is really is no right answer.
Chief
Grandkids are entertaining
"to all the joy they bring aside" why would you put that to the side? Seems like a very important factor
Only have if you want them fully. Otherwise, get a dog, save the money, treat yourself and your friends to an extravagant life and exciting adventures, and have a few homes. I am making a decision on having kids by adhering to a process where... 1) I have to want the child for 30 consecutive days; even if I’m on day 29 and don’t want a kid, the clock restarts 2) if I make it to 30 days, I have to spend 3 months documenting each day if I want a kid or not. If the answer isn’t ‘yes’ for 2/3 of the days, then the clock resets, and I return to #1.
It’s more about ensuring that it’s something I want and not a hormonal swing that affects the rest of my life. I do cringe on most occasions of seeing children, so I suspect they are not in my future.
Have a 2yo. Started to be more fun but ROI not there yet
Chief
“old age help” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 that’s a BIG assumption. I worked in longterm care for a while and the amount of time people spend visiting older family members is abysmal. Don’t have children for that reason
Never have children bc you want company when you’re old. That’s your job to establish that you are surrounded by friends and/or good care. I’ve experienced a few incidents of children taking everything from their elderly parents and/or abusing them.
I mean, basically imagine the people in your inner circle - and how much you love them. Then ask yourself if you’d be willing to have five rough years for them that cost a lot and took up all your time. They feel really bad about asking this of you - but they will literally die without your help. If you are willing to do that in your heart of hearts do it. You basically get to manufacture people you love in your inner circle in exchange for a lot of your time and energy during a rough period in their lives.
Skip and and adopt grandkids.
Chief
Best help for old age is money. Don't use your kids for wiping your old wrinkly butt.
Chief
Definitely have.
Sure, the amount of sleep we've been able to get has gone way down since we had our first kid, and our ability to just go out and do stuff has been irrevocably changed, but kids are 100% worth it in my book.
Kid expenses haven't really moved the needle on our ability to afford anything or our quality of life.
Have!!
Have. 32 with two. Depressing thinking about being old and not surrounded by family. Once you get too old to take advantage of all those childless activities, you’ll be bored. Also, about 18 years and they’re out of your hair for the most part. You can also do your best to groom your children to give back to society.
$270k for one from age 0-18 not including college, no guarantee they don't end up addicted to heroin or a sociopath.
Alimony and child support are another variable not accounted for. Marriages and kids can ruin lives. Your spouse will initiate a divorce and take half of your stuff if they up and decide they're bored or you're not attractive anymore.
Or you get the Norman Rockwell painting you've always dreamed of, complete with a golden retriever