Feeling like a shit mom lately. My toddler never listens to me, kicks and hits me, wipes my kisses away and whenever he needs comfort, he always chooses his dad. Years ago nothing ever bothered me. I could take a punch and get right back up. Today one outburst from my child sends me spiraling and in tears. It’s getting harder and harder to hide that everything is not okay.

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Sorry to hear that! I’m sure it’s really difficult to be in your situation. Toddlers are temperamental. In my experience, it is typically hunger, lack of sleep/tiredness or a need for attention that causes most mood swings at that age. I’d recommend trying to spend 30 mins 1:1 with your child without interruptions (no phones, tv etc) doing whatever the child enjoys doing. It might be hard at first but over time both you and your child will develop a routine and connection around this “special time”. I don’t know much more about your situation but just hang in there, mama! If you need to seek some professional help to get through this, please do so. Hugs ❤️

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I have no advice, but know how dang hard it is. I’ve started traveling again for work and now my 2 year old has a complete preference for his dad. It makes me feel like an awful monster. What kind of child doesn’t love his mother? Should I quit working to make him love me more? I know none of it is rationale (my thoughts or his actions) but I’m not sure anything has ever made my heart hurt more. Hang in there. You’re not alone. And feel free to DM me if you want to commiserate.

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I’ve been there too. It’s awful. I ended up realizing it was directly related to not spending enough time with him. The 30 minute 1:1 time advice is golden. Even if you have to bribe with ice cream or merry go rounds at first.

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Thanks for being so honest. Very similar situation at my house, and it has made the past year so very hard. It’s recently getting better - im Hoping some of it was a developmental phase - but I haven’t otherwise done anything differently. It’s so gutting when they reject you explicitly. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it too, but thanks for affirming I’m not alone.

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This hits home for me as well. My 5 year old has favored his father almost from the jump and there was a point around 2 or 3 where it hit an extreme and he’d act out towards me, refuse to let me put him to bed etc. A few things helped

1) talking with my husband about it and agreeing that he had to be a part of the solution by helping to make it clear that mom also deserves respect and not getting caught up in my sons tendency to do the boys vs mommy thing. Or in the example you shared above my husband would say “that’s not nice, that hurts mommy’s feelings”
2) actively talking to my son when he’d do something to hurt my feelings, in an age appropriate way (not to shame but to help him grasp that parents have feelings too)
3) really trying to objectively unpack why I think they have the closer bond. Some of it is shared interests I simply don’t have (action figure battles and superhero’s) but some of it is also that I think my husband has an easier time totally shutting out the world to play with my son. I’m in general more easily distracted and get caught looking at my phone or just thinking about when I can be done playing so I can go finish the thousand other tasks I need to do. When I’m more engaged our relationship quickly gets better

I definitely have cried myself to sleep and it’s a terrible feeling. Best thing you can do is stop telling yourself and those around you that it’s not a problem. You’ll find your way to a having your own unique relationship with him.

I still think back to all the other boy moms I knew when I was pregnant who swore that “boys are the best. They all love their moms so so much” and frankly want to punch them 🙄

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Part of #3 is very relatable- when I’m watching my toddler, I’m also multitasking at some point. When his dad watches him (for the most part) it’s full-on play time and nothing else is “accomplished.” Given that, of course it’s more fun with dad!

1:1 time sounds right but also find one thing you can share together is it drawing together, reading time? A sport to do together and try building the connection that way. Its not mommy time (which they might resent) but scootering time that mom loves or whatever, you get it.

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Special Time with toddlers, and kids in general, is a tried and true technique. You can google it if you need more info. Every behavior is communication and what you’re describing really sounds like a cry for connection.

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It also could just be a lifestage/development thing. Both of my kids were super attached to me until they were around 2 or 3 then they when through a daddy phase. But now it varies who’s on who’s shit list in my home.

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