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Congrats on your pregnancy!
First and foremost - your feelings and anxiety is def common so you’re not alone and it’s totally valid. I would say two things..
1. Many doctors won’t sign off on a c section unless medically necessary, but you probably can find one who values and prioritizes mental health and the affect that this anxiety can have on your labor. So if you want to go this route, I would start there, it may take a few tries to find the right doc.
2. C sections are just as natural as vaginal birth, despite how some may phrase it - in case anyone tries to tell you otherwise and dissuade you
3. Regardless of which way you go, I would encourage seeking out mental health professionals to get you to the root of this anxiety so you can make the best decision for you and your baby. C sections carry additional risks and complications and are major abdominal surgery - they are not “the easy way out” (not that you’re saying they are, but have seen it described that way by others so I like to head that off). So if you choose a c section you want to be fully informed of the decision.
I was terrified of a vaginal birth but:
Had a weirdly great vaginal birth experience with my first. I got an epidural and it was actually a relaxing, surreal, and all around not bad experience.
My second birth was a c-section and I did not like it at all. Recovery was MUCH harder and I ended up having an anxiety attack while on the operating table.
I mean. I hear that from time to time. But is there any predictor of if it will be smooth or terrifying vaginally??
Rising Star
No experience with c sections but I can assure you that when you are 38+ weeks pregnant the desire to get that baby out will most certainly outweigh the anxiety of vaginal birth. It does for everyone!
Everyone is different so you’ll have to decide what’s best for you and your baby. I will share my experience knowing others might differ.. I delivered on May 14th vaginally and was also scared of labor before. With an epidural it was completely doable.. The hard part was after, when the baby needed to feed every 2-3 hours and learn to latch.
Yes I’d echo this!! I was TERRIFIED of vaginal birth - was having full on anxiety attacks about it. It was VERY DOABLE!!! The epidural makes it not too bad at all - there are some cramps, but you can definitely do it! I was reading a lot of stories that were negative and this scared me a lot, before delivering i realized this and shifted to only reading positive birth stories. This also helped relieve a lot of the anxiety I had beforehand!
If you are nervous about tearing, I highly recommend a pelvic floor therapist and starting while you are pregnant. Also taking a birth class and hiring a doula helped put my mind at ease. Birth is a fear that many people have including myself so you are not alone. I also recommend talking to a therapist about your fears. It helped me a lot.
Thank you!
I was terrified, but it was totally fine (I skipped the epidural too, mostly because my big phobia was not being able to feed my legs so I was even more afraid of a c section. But I surely appreciate why people get them now lol). I recommend (for lots of reasons) looking into a doula and a therapist if you can. Anxiety is common but you deserve trusted resources to help you feel as at ease as possible and you’ve got a long pregnancy ahead of you if it’s something you’re dreading. Remember that the most dramatic/scary stories are the ones that get told the most. I found it comforting to read a bunch of typical “it was hard but I am fine” birth stories (there are good podcasts for this).
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I’m 29 weeks and I have the same feelings as you, and have throughout my pregnancy. I am aware that c section for one baby means c sections in the future but I’m okay with that. I’m also okay if I have one kid, so there’s that.
I talked to my doc about it and she said that we can decide as I get closer. Depending on baby positioning it could be recommended anyway . What I don’t want, is an “emergency CSection” which is what I’m afraid will happen if I start with attempting vag. I’ve had friends who have done both and those with the non er c section seemed to have a smoother recovery period. Realize everyone’s different but it’s your birth and your choice so just talk to your doc about your concerns
Recovery from vag can also be extremely difficult depending on how you tear and how long your labor is. It’s not guaranteed that a C section recovery will be worse.
Rising Star
Just space them out! I got pregnant within 6 months after my first. My OB was not impressed lol
I gave birth vaginally 5 weeks ago and it was super smooth. Baby was out in 5 min of pushing and I had minimal tearing. First week post partum was pretty uncomfortable and I still pee when I cough, but the whole experience wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I was super anxious about it too. I ate a lot of dates and drank raspberry leaf tea during the last month and I think that helped. Also epidurals RULE.
After going through this I absolutely couldn’t imagine recovering from a c section while taking care of a newborn. Brutal.
Same here - been doing a LOT of research and it seems that c sections are NOT the easy way out. The recovery is much longer, you have to move to heal but moving hurts, you can’t reach for anything or carry anything for weeks, first p**p and so on are hell, some people’s scars still itch or hurt years and years later. I’ve recently followed Horton Lane on Instagram and while some stuff I filter out (her natural BC approach), she is veryyyy objective and straight forward and just posted an article about it today.
You would probably benefit by learning more about physiological birth and trying to understand your anxiety before going down the elective C section path. Personally, I’d be more nervous about a C section especially after having experienced a vaginal birth. Neither option is more or less valid, but both come with pros and cons of which you should be aware.
We are looking for a doula, and taking birthing classes (Evidence Based Birthing and Hypnobirthing), all were highly recommended by friends! Trillions of women have delivered babies, we aren't the first, everything will be ok. I think it's important to relax. C-section is a much more invasive procedure and shouldn't be the default.
Keep in mind that recovery from a C section is tough, especially having to carry and feed a baby and the need to be mobile after birth.
I would recommend reading Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. It’s very educational and eye opening.
There are definitely lots of additional risks with C-section deliveries that I would recommend you familiarize yourself with before deciding on an elective one.
I’ve given birth twice now, both vaginally. One with an epidural and one without medication (I was at home and birthed the baby before the midwives even made it). Both times I had minimal tearing and no lingering issues. As someone else said above, familiarizing yourself with physiological birth is super important and not something your doctor will likely educate you on. I would also recommend you watch videos of women giving birth vaginally and via C-section. It’s super empowering.
A couple of good IGs to follow are builttobirth, painfreebirth, and christianhypnobirthing. You’ll do great, mama!
Rising Star
You’re going to do great! Personally I recommend working with a pelvic floor physio for some advice and exercises.
Separately I’m about to have a c section and with a second baby at home it’s going to be very difficult. I won’t be able to pick him up fro 6 weeks, can’t go in the water and just overall longer recovery.
Rising Star
He’s 30+ lbs so probably not. And he’s only 15 months so too young to understand. It’s going to be so tough. :(
Hi! I had a C section due to complications and was informed that I will have to deliver any future children on the same fashion. If this is your first child just note that you will likely need to go through c sections in future pregnancies as well. Make sure you get all the information you can before making a decision.
Wow thank you everyone for all the feedback and comments!! It made me feel better and somewhat put me at ease. I will definitely take everything that was said into consideration and consult with my doctor
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I have the same anxiety. I’ve had two losses now, one in the second trimester, and my aunt had a stillborn baby from a cord accident (born vaginally with the cord wrapped around neck). I want the baby out as quickly and methodically as possible - I do not want the trauma of the baby’s vitals going down or needing to rush into an emergency C after hours of laboring/pushing (worst of both delivery types) or any trauma/tearing of any sort. Maybe I’ll change my mind as the due date gets closer, but I’ve personally wanted a c for years to avoid vaginal trauma, and now even more so because of my anxiety around pregnancy/infant loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss mama, I also had a miscarriage last year. Have you watched The Business of Being Born or looked into hypnobirthing at all? 95%+ of births without complications shouldn't require medical intervention. There's this notion that birth is something scary to be feared but it really isn't natural or accurate for 95% of births.
Get epidural and you will do great! Quick recovery time and less painful overall. I gave birth to both my kids vaginally and healed within 2 weeks. Tear 2/3 both times.
I had a c section and no pain after 3 days, didn’t even need to take Tylenol, so I think it varies a lot. Two weeks sounds like a long time for healing
I gave birth without an epidural. Just the 9 to 10 cm dilation is tough. Look into birth affirmations and hypnobirthing.
I definitely understand the feeling, so you’re not alone! Knowledge is power, so I’d share your concerns with your OB and see if they can help assuage some of your fears with more information about what to expect. They may even be able to point you in the direction of a counselor who can help you process and manage your anxiety about the birth.